Chapter 10

Click here to read the Disclaimer and Warning.


Chapter 10: In Between Days

After establishing our boundaries that first morning, living with Edward was, for the most part, fine. Just about as good as could be fuckin' expected. We spent a lot of time together, either at the two classes we had in common or else just hanging out at the gym or the apartment. But we also did stuff apart. I often studied on campus, in the library, preferring the quiet and open atmosphere to that of my room. Edward, on the other hand, spent a lot of his free time trolling the campus and bars for new girls, making good on his promise to score hoards of pussy. Too many times he'd try to get me to go with him, and he'd succeeded on enough occasions to make my library study sessions a necessity for peace of mind as much as for my GPA. I'd tried to convince him that grades were more important to me than sex, but he didn't buy it. Instead of arguing about it, I just made damn sure I wasn't around when he was in one of his pussy safari modes.

Even with those extra precautions, I found I always had to be on my guard. One night I came home early from the library after Edward and I made plans to watch a new DVD release. I walked into the apartment ready to nuke some pop-corn and settle in to watch the flick. Instead I was greeted with the sight of Edward fuckin' one girl from behind, bending her over the couch, while another was on her knees sucking his balls. Hearing me walk in, Edward looked back and gave me an embarrassed grin, but never broke stride.

"Sorry, Jas," he said, "Slight change of plans. I met Tanya and Irina at the video store and we decided to come back here together. They were in a hurry and we never made it to my room. So no movie tonight, but I bet the girls wouldn't mind if you joined us? What do you think Tanya, Irina?"

The blond kneeling girl turned towards me and eye-fucked me quickly, letting her gaze linger on my crotch before returning to my face.

"C'mere, handsome," she purred. "I'll show you a good time."

I dropped my books on the kitchen counter and quickly left the apartment, mumbling about forgetting something at the library. I slammed the door behind me and slid to the floor, burying my head in my hands. I could hear the three of them laughing through the door, saying something about my being adorably shy. I swore to fuckin' kill Edward later for abandoning our plans and placing me in this situation, but there was nothing I could do that night except wait them out.

My embarrassment continued as the elevator door opened and Emmett and Seth came strolling out, Seth dressed in tight red leather pants and a black mesh shirt over a red and black tiger striped tank top. Seeing me on the floor next to the door of my apartment, he looked at me sympathetically.

"Oh, Honey, did you get locked out? Come over to our place and we'll call the super for you."

I shook my head.

"Edward's entertaining guests," I said, tilting my head towards the door. The audible grunts and cries spoke for themselves. Emmett and Seth snickered.

"Well," Emmett said, "Unless you enjoy sitting out here listening to the concerto, why don't you come to our place anyway. We were just gonna watch a movie and eat dinner," He held up a bag of Chinese take-out. "We have plenty. What do you say?"

Anything would have been better than sitting in the hall like a pathetic loser, so I accepted the hand he held out and allowed him to haul me to my feet.

"Thanks, guys," I said gratefully. "But are you sure I'm not intruding?"

"Nah," Emmett said cheerfully as he unlocked the door and let us into their place. "You can help me soothe my little drama queen's ego. Seth got stood up tonight, poor thing!"

Seth slapped Emmett's shoulder none too gently and crossed his arms in a huff.

"Why don't you get a fucking megaphone and announce it so the entire complex can hear," he snapped.

"Come on, Sweetie," Emmett soothed as he put an arm around Seth and pulled him into a hug, kissing the top of his head. "Don't take your anger out on me. You know that's not fair. Besides, it's his loss, anyway. You know he's missing out on the best piece of ass he'll never have!"

"Damn right," Seth conceded, somewhat appeased. "I bet he'll be calling tomorrow with some pathetic excuse. But he's gonna learn that you don't get second chances with Seth Clearwater. It's not like there's a shortage of pretty boys with huge cocks in Seattle."

"You'd know," Emmett agreed, "though you've probably made your way through at least half of them already. You better make sure you graduate on time or else you're gonna run out!"

"You make me sound like a slut!" Seth's voice was full of mock outrage.

"If the g-string fits. . . " Emmett laughed as he slapped Seth's leather-clad ass. Seth stuck out his tongue. Then both of them turned their attention to me, noticing for the first time that I was staring at them, wide eyed and slack jawed.

"I think we've managed to shock our guest," Emmett said to Seth. "Sorry man," he said to me, "I forgot you were new here and probably hadn't heard yet about Seth's sexual exploits."

"Um . . ." I had no idea what to say. "I guess I always assumed the two of you were a couple." I added weakly.

Seth and Emmett looked at each other and burst out laughing. I watched them, confused, clearly not getting the joke.

"That's so very cute, isn't it, Emmy?" Seth asked, still giggling, "Don't get me wrong," he said to me, "I love this big lug like no one else, but he's definitely not my type."

Emmett laughed, apparently not offended by Seth's dismissal.

"We're just friends and roommates," he told me. "I prefer longer term commitments while Seth likes to dabble."

"I get bored easily," Seth shrugged. "Variety is the spice of life, doncha know?"

"And there's no one spicier than you," Emmett teased, giving Seth's ass another squeeze.

"Quit teasing, Emmy. Unless you wanna make up for that idiot's loss."

I shook my head to clear it. This was a lot to handle. I had no idea I was living down the hall from a gay version of Edward.

"Seth, we're shocking poor Jasper. I don't think he's ever met anyone quite like you before."

"And he never will, Emmy, because I am an original! But you're right, it does look like this may be too much for him to handle. Sorry, Jasper. Just try to forget everything we told you and think of me as little innocent Seth."

He smiled a brilliant smile, then ripped open the paper bag, taking out the cartons of food and sauce packets.

"No. I mean it's OK. I can handle it. Look at who I live with. What I mean is, and please do not take offense, but you're just like Edward, except he's obviously into women."

Emmett and Seth exchanged a look.

"Well," Seth shrugged, "We certainly both do fuck a lot of people. However, I'd like to think I'm a bit more discerning. I've seen some of the hags he brings home," he said derisively.

Meow! The kitten had claws! Little Seth could be quite bitchy. I grinned at Emmett and he sent me a wink.

"Plus, I know what I'm looking for in a sex partner," Seth continued. He would have kept going, but Emmett shook his head and sent him a pointed look, grabbing a couple of cartons of food and motioning for me to do the same.

"I think we've just about exhausted this topic and I'm starving. Why don't you grab us some drinks and forks, Sweetie, and let's go watch the damn movie. It is a weeknight and I have an early class tomorrow."

After that evening, Seth and Em's apartment became yet another haven for me, a place to retreat to if I ever came home to the sound of Edward's sexcapades. I spent most of the time with Emmett, as Seth was rarely home, apparently preferring to spend his evenings at other locales.

"He's funny about that," Emmett explained when I asked him about it one evening while Edward was entertaining yet another vociferous bitch at our place, forcing me to seek refuge down the hall. "He never brings them home. Thinks his bedroom is sacred – his personal sanctuary. And I appreciate it, too. I'd hate to have to install a fucking revolving door to his bedroom, or to have to face the swarm of groveling guys every night who thought their dicks and personalities outshone all others only to be set aside just like the rest."

"I don't understand," I said, shaking my head.

Emmett laughed. "Not many people do. Seth sort of turned the community upside down when he got here. Normally you have all the bottoms chasing after the good tops. But Seth doesn't bottom for just anyone. He's very particular. Over time, he's turned down quite a few tops who thought they were all that, and he's made himself something of a prize. Now he has the tops chasing him for his stamp of approval. He determines who the good tops are. It's really quite amusing, especially when they get it into their heads that they're going to be the ones to finally turn him monogamous. I know Seth, and he's nowhere near ready to settle down. He may never be ready for that. He is the quintessential player, and he enjoys the game too much to sit on the sidelines and observe. But the tops have egos that won't let them quit while they're ahead, and they just get crushed in the process."

"I guess I never realized that there were such preferences," I confessed. "I suppose I always thought all gay guys did everything."

Emmett looked at me carefully.

"Jasper, I hate to assume and you've never said anything, so please don't get offended when I ask this, but are you gay?"

I swallowed. By now I was used to being spotted, at least by other gay guys. Still, I was reluctant to confirm Emmett's suspicions, not knowing if he could be trusted around Edward. He saw my indecision.

"You don't have to answer. It doesn't really matter. You can tell me when you're ready," he clearly meant it didn't really matter because he already knew. And he obviously did know, so what was the point in hiding? I sighed.

"I am," I responded. "Gay, I mean. But no one knows, especially not Edward. And I prefer to keep it that way, at least for a while."

"Yeah, that's what Seth and I figured. So what? You're gonna stay in the closet forever because your roommate's a bigot? You don't have to keep living with him, you know. We have a pull out, you can crash here. We don't mind and Seth's not here half the time anyway. Life's too short. You shouldn't waste time hiding who you are."

I bristled, but then calmed down when I realized that he wasn't judging, just trying to help me.

"I don't even know who I am, Emmett. I mean, I know I like guys, not girls. Beyond that it's all foreign. All this talk about tops and bottoms – you completely lost me. I don't think I'm ready to come out, even if I wasn't living with Edward."

"Oh hell, Jasper, you can't use that as an excuse. The top/bottom thing – it's all just a preference. Some guys like to fuck and others like to get fucked. And then there are those who switch, depending on their mood or partner. It doesn't matter. It's easy to figure out what you like. Have you even had sex yet?"

I nodded.

"So? Top or bottom?"

"Bottom."

"And did you like it?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, remembering my time in Paris. "Yeah. He was wonderful," feeling the sudden need to share, I told Emmett all about Laurent.

"That sounds great," he said when I was done. "You were lucky. I wish I could say the same about my first time, but . . . not so much. Still, the second wasn't too bad and by the third . . . Well, I'm no Seth, but I know what I like."

"So you . . . I mean you don't . . .?"

"Yeah, I bottom," he must have noticed my surprised expression, because he continued. "I know most people look at me and think I top, but I'm just not that guy. It's one of the reasons Seth and I can be roommates. There are no expectations of sex. And since, for the most part, we look for different qualities in our partners, there's hardly any rivalry either."

Just then we heard a key in the lock and were surprised to see Seth, wearing yet another one of his super outrageous ensembles. This time his trademark tight pants were shimmery gold, and his shirt was a back pirate shirt, with billowy sleeves, a laced up front, and mesh inserts on the sides. The sour expression on his face, however, did not match the festivity of his outfit.

"What's wrong, Sweetie?" Emmett asked, "I wasn't expecting you 'till later."

Seth rolled his eyes. "A disappointing night, that's all. It was that young stud, Benjamin. To hear him talk he can move the heavens and the earth, but let me tell you, it's all bark and no bite."

"Hmmm," Emmett murmured sympathetically. "Unimpressive equipment?"

"Well," Seth took a deep, dramatic breath. "First of all, he needs some serious training in the service department. He couldn't even get his mouth open wide enough to properly worship The King!" He sounded utterly outraged. Emmett giggled.

"The King?" I asked Emmett under my breath.

"Seth is rather fond of his anatomy." Emmett murmured back. "And?" he encouraged Seth to continue.

"His cock is so bent and crooked it looks like some retrofitted plumbing fixture. And there is nothing to it," he gestured to us with his pinkie. "I took one look and told him if I wanted to get fucked with a corkscrew, I had a more impressive one at home."

Emmett roared with laughter and I snorted as well, though I could imagine how the guy felt after that sort of criticism, especially delivered in Seth's contemptuous tone. Shit, I think I'd pack my bags and move to another town. In fact, I might never get naked in front of anyone again.

"Seth, you're one in a million," Emmett sputtered. "But don't you think you may have been just a little too harsh?"

"I'm one in a billion, Emmy, and you know it! And he should have known it too. It wasn't charity week at Casa Clearwater, for fuck's sake. Do you think I'm happy I didn't get laid tonight? If the stupid fuck hadn't been so vain, both of us would have had better nights with other people, and he wouldn't have been left crying to lick his own balls. Honestly, these damn fags need to learn their limitations before they start sniffing after me! Shit, I need a drink!"

Emmett went to the kitchen to pull out three shot glasses out of a cabinet and a bottle of vodka from the freezer.

"Let's all have a drink," he said as he poured. "Sounds like both you and Jasper could use it."

Seth raised an eyebrow in my direction.

"Edward's got another screamer in there," I explained.

Seth nodded. "I wonder how long it will be before he finally figures it out," he mused.

"Stop talking and start drinking," Em interjected, lifting his shot glass and indicating we should do the same. "Bottoms up!" he said, winking at me with amusement.

Even though Edward had agreed not to interfere if I chose to be friends with Seth and Emmett, I still tried not to make my association with them too obvious, mostly coordinating my visits around times I knew Edward was too busy in the bedroom to notice my absences. When Edward wasn't getting laid, we'd spend time together. We started working out again at the apartment complex gym and the exercise, coupled with the nutritionally balanced meals that Esme had arranged to have delivered to us each week, helped Edward regain his high school physique. I tried asking him once what had caused his weight loss, but he brushed me off, blaming most of it on lack of football training. Since he seemed to be getting back to his old self, I assumed it wasn't an illness and relaxed a bit, letting the matter rest.

For the most part, we were still the best friends we had always been. But on occasion I noticed our dynamics were off. I knew part of it was due to my reluctance to bar hop with him, but there were other things as well. Peter and I had managed to patch up our differences by agreeing to disagree about Edward and called each other at least once a week to catch up on other stuff. Edward would never say anything, but I could tell he loathed those phone calls, even though I made sure to take them in my room so as not to disturb him. And then there was the day he'd totally hit the roof when he found out about Greg.

A couple of weeks after my return to Seattle I got a call from Greg. We'd kept in touch throughout the summer, but I had never heard him this excited. He was literally gushing like a teenage girl, telling me about a new player for Arsenal, whom he met when the guy was interviewed on the morning show.

"His name is Viktor and he's from Bulgaria and he is bloody brilliant! After the interview he chatted me up and asked me to dinner. We talked all night and never ran out of things to say. He's witty, and interesting, and funny. And Jasper, he is so bloody gorgeous! Plus he has those footballer abs and thighs. I swear, Jasper, I've never met anyone who could ride my cock as . . ."

"Too much information, Greg," I yelped into the phone and looked around to see if anyone around me overheard our conversation. "I mean, I'm happy for you, buddy, but I don't need the details."

"Sorry, mate," Greg sounded a bit embarrassed, "It's just that he's bloody awesome in bed. And he actually fancies me. I mean, I would have never thought someone like him could . . ."

"For God's sake, shut up already. I told you if you just stopped moping and opened your eyes a little you'd find someone."

"Sure, someone. Like an accountant or maybe a computer programmer or someone else like that, more in my league. But a Gunner? A bloody traffic stopping Gunner? Interested in me? Come on!"

I decided to let it go. "How long have you been seeing him?"

"A couple of weeks. It moved pretty fast. I mean, I tried to be cautious and not get my hopes up, yeah? I didn't want another bloody Rick repeat. But once we went out we couldn't stop seeing each other, you know?"

"And Rick?" I was reluctant to ask, but he'd brought him up.

"Still in a holding pattern with H. But I no longer care. And you won't believe this, but Viktor met him and didn't even give him a second glance." He didn't have to explain how much that meant to him. I could hear it in his voice. And, as with Peter before him, I really was thrilled that my friends were finding guys who would make them happy, even if I could not do the same.

For obvious reasons, I didn't share Greg's happy news with Edward. In fact, given the nature of my interaction with Greg and his friends, I didn't mention him to Edward at all. And I wasn't planning on ever telling Edward about any of the Brits, until one October Saturday Greg called while I was in the shower, and Edward answered my mobile.

I was a little concerned, since Greg almost never called me on the weekends, so I returned his call right after I got out of the bathroom, to make sure nothing was wrong. Fortunately, Greg had called for a completely different reason.

"The guys and I were talking about taking a winter holiday and we thought maybe we'd fly out to New York for New Year's? Will you be around? I'd really like for you to meet Viktor and New York would be fun for everyone."

I thought about it for a second. I'd be in New York with my dad for Christmas, so the timing would work out great. I'd briefly discussed doing something for New Year's with Peter and Marcus, but there was no reason why the Brits couldn't join the three of us. Or maybe this was a good way to take myself off Peter and Marcus' hands, so they could celebrate their first New Year together without me as a third wheel.

"Sure, Greg, that would be fun. I'll call my friend Peter and have him recommend some stuff for us to do. You don't mind if he and his," I looked to Edward and, at the last minute remembered to check my vocabulary, "friend join us, do you?"

"No, of course not, we'd love to meet them. So it's set. We'll book our flights and hotels Monday. I'm glad this worked out. You're gonna love Viktor!"

"I'm sure I will. Thanks for thinking of this, Greg. I'm looking forward to it. See you in a couple of months."

I flipped my phone closed only to be confronted by a glowering, pissed off Edward.

"Planning a reunion of all the people you meet when I'm not around? Who the fuck is Greg? How come you never mentioned him?"

"He's just a guy I met while I was in London this summer. I went clubbing with him and his friends. Now they're coming to New York for New Years and want to get together." I felt bad about keeping Greg a secret from him, in a weird way feeling like I'd cheated on him, which was completely fuckin' ridiculous, since Greg and I hadn't even been remotely intimate.

"So you're gonna hang out with them for New Year's and introduce them to Peter? Tell me, am I invited to this party too, or is this just for your non-Washington friends?"

I looked away. I felt like an absolute shit, but there was no way I could ask him to join me and eight of my fag friends for a New Year's celebration.

"You knew I'd be in New York for Christmas and New Year's, like always," I said. "I figured you'd have something planned here already, just like in the past."

"Sure, except in the past I would've been stuck in fucking Forks and now we have an apartment here in Seattle and damn if I didn't think that you might consider coming back a few fucking days early to be here for New Year's so we could go out together."

Oh Fuck! I thought, my eyes opening wide. This was a fuckin' nightmare!

"You never said anything, Edward. Don't you think it would be a good idea to mention something like that before, oh, I don't know, I got the plane tickets?"

Edward looked troubled for a moment.

"I was gonna talk to you about it this week. Why? Are your flights already booked?"

I wanted to lie, but I couldn't.

"No, though I was this close to booking something last week. But shit, Edward, you can't just assume . . ."

"That your best friend is gonna want to celebrate New Year's with you," he completed my sentence bitterly. "I can see that now, thanks! No, don't worry about it. Have a great time in New York with Peter and Greg and whoever the fuck else is coming along. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. It's the biggest party of the year and the way you've been acting lately, you probably would have been a giant wet blanket anyway. I'll have a better time without you."

He grabbed his keys and was out of the apartment before I had a chance to respond. By the time I yanked open the door he'd slammed shut behind him, he was disappearing into the stairwell. I wasn't even fully dressed after my shower, so I knew I had no hope of catching him. I closed the apartment door again and leaned on it, banging my head against it a couple of times out of sheer frustration. I'd hurt him, I could clearly see that. I had been a total fool not to consider that this year, now that we'd moved to Seattle, things might be different than before. He'd obviously given it some thought, maybe even made plans, and I totally ignored the change in our situation. Damn it! I slammed my fist against the door. I never wanted to be the one to cause him pain. Seeing him like that hurt me worse than it hurt him.

I went to my room and flopped myself on my bed. There was nothing I could do to make this better. As much as I wanted to make Edward happy by celebrating the New Year with him, I also wanted to spend time with Peter and the Brits. And there was no way to do both. I could never put those two puzzle pieces of my life together. I had to reconcile myself to the fact that, painful as it was, I'd have to disappoint Edward. It would eat me up inside, but it was the only logical thing to do. I just hoped he could forgive me.

Eventually Edward came back and we talked. He admitted he'd overreacted, acknowledged that I couldn't have known about the plans he was making, and accepted the fact that even though I was an adult, I still wanted to spend time with my dad. We worked things out superficially, and he acted like everything was fine, but I could tell below the surface he was still hurt and angry. I did everything I could think of to make it up to him, even going with him to the bars, though I drew the line at picking up women. The extra time together seemed to help, and by the time we were driving back to Forks for Thanksgiving, things were almost back to normal.

We celebrated the holiday with our respective families, but the next day we got together with Tyler and Eric and other high school friends, and we all settled back into our old roles. Things actually felt like they'd never changed, but in a good way. Edward was confident and happy. I was his best friend and there were no thoughts of Peter or Greg or Emmett or Seth or any of the Forks or Seattle girls. There weren't even any thoughts of Bella who, unbeknownst to me, had moved to Florida to live with her mother shortly after graduation. It was just him and me, together, the way we'd been since the day we met until we started growing up and shit started getting in the way.

Friday night we all went out to eat and afterwards, when everyone else had gone home, Edward and I went to a park we used to go to when we were still kids. It was out of the way and not used by anyone, especially now, at the end of November. First we sat on the swings and drained a flask he'd brought along for the occasion. When we were good and liquored up, we decided to play. The equipment hadn't been changed since we'd played on it as kids, and we spun ourselves silly on the hand pushed mary-go-round, slid down what now seemed like a miniature slide, and laughed while hanging from the monkey bars, bending our knees so that our feet wouldn't touch the ground. Edward started a game of tag and we ran around like idiots, trying to catch each other while darting in and out between the pieces of playground equipment. We traded off being "it" several times and it was Edward's turn when, instead of tapping me like we'd been used to, he barreled into me, tackling me onto the grass, laughing as he knocked the breath right out of me.

I was laughing too, a child-like, carefree laughter intermingled with gasps, as I tried to replace the air in my lungs. And Edward was lying on top of me, supporting his upper body with arms braced against the ground on either side of my chest. Suddenly my laughter was gone, replaced by a longing brought by the feel of his body on top of mine, legs intertwined, pelvises resting against each other, both of us breathing hard but, at least for my part, no longer with exertion. I saw his expression change and for a second, for the merest instant, I thought he might lower his head and bring his lips down on mine. I closed my eyes in anticipation of that sweet moment, but then felt him shifting off me instead, moving to lie on his back next to me, and all that was left was a profound sense of loss and disappointment.

We lay there, side by side, silent except for the sound of our breathing, staring at the starry sky. I didn't dare turn to look for fear of releasing the liquid that had pooled in my eyes, but I knew our hands must have been close because I could feel the heat radiating from his fingers. All I wanted to do was move my hand slightly, just so that our flesh would touch, establishing the physical connection I craved so much. But with him having just pulled away I didn't dare, so I tried to concentrate on the blurry stars and the fact that even if it wasn't in the way I wanted, at least we were still here together, just the two of us.

"Jasper?" he eventually asked quietly.

"Hmmm?" I didn't trust myself to speak in response.

"Are you happy?"

I frowned and took a deep breath.

"What do you mean?" I asked, grateful that my voice sounded pretty normal.

"I don't know. Are you happy? Before graduation you were so excited about this new phase, leaving Forks . . . So did all that make you happy?"

I considered his question. A few months ago I did have high hopes. But things didn't exactly turn out the way I wanted them to. Still, I'd had a great summer, I had a wonderful experience with Laurent, I made some new friends, and I was living with the guy I loved. Maybe that last part didn't exactly equate to happiness, but life could be a lot worse. Yes, it could be a lot better too, but it could have been a lot worse.

"I guess I'm reasonably happy," I answered cautiously. "Aren't you?"

He exhaled loudly.

"Not really, no. It's not that I want to be back here, in Forks, but there is something about being here that feels right. Like tonight, right now. It feels right. You know?"

"Yeah," I said. "I know. This does feel right."

I felt him shift and looked over to see him lying on his side, looking at me, head supported on his bent arm. In the light of the moon and stars, he looked so amazing. The darkness sucked out most colors, giving everything a grayish, grainy, black and white movie quality, and Edward was the star. Humphrey Bogart, Marlon Brando, James Dean -- he would have put them all to shame. What I wouldn't give to be able to run my fingers through his disheveled hair, wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pull him down to me into a long, languid kiss.

"Remember when you moved here and we did all that stuff together, just us? Remember camping in my back yard? And hiking at La Push? And when I tried to teach you how to hacky sack?"

I laughed. I remembered that day very well. It had been a dismal failure. I must have been about 12 or 13 and at that awful fuckin' awkward age where my limbs were too long and I was hopelessly uncoordinated. Edward had spent hours trying to teach me how to kick the little damn bag so it wouldn't fall to the ground, but I just couldn't get the hang of it. I kept trying, knowing how much he wanted me to get it, until in the end I was so damn frustrated with myself I actually burst into tears. Instead of making fun of me, Edward had instantly thrown the foot bag aside and put his arms around me in an attempt to soothe and quiet me. He hugged me for a long time, telling me that it was OK, that we'd find smoothing else I was good at, until finally I ran out of tears and just leaned into him quietly, grateful for his support and understanding. The next day he came over with a backgammon board and we learned how to play together, no physical coordination necessary. Funny, but until he mentioned it, I hadn't thought about that day in years. Looking back on it now, it should have been one of my favorite memories.

"We used to be so damn close," he continued, "Even when we didn't like the same stuff, we were still so close. Now I feel like we're drifting further and further apart."

I swallowed a lump in my throat. If he only knew how much I wanted to be close to him and just how close I wanted to get. But if I told him, he would bolt. The last thing he would accept was a queer best friend, especially one who was in love with him. So I needed to build the distance, needed it for my own self-preservation. But it didn't mean I felt differently.

"That's what happens when people get older, Edward. Their interests and needs change and they move in different directions. But even if that happens, it doesn't have to mean we care about each other any less. That never has to change."

"So you still care about me? Like before?" The uncertainty in his voice was slightly disconcerting, "'Cause I still do. I still care about you. But lately I just haven't been sure . . . "

I moved to my side so I could face him and look into his eyes.

"Of course I care about you. I will always care about you, no matter what."

He was shifting again, rubbing his hand on my forearm over my jacket. "Thanks for that, Jas. That means a lot." And then he pulled me into him so that we were caught in a strange version of a horizontal hug, his arm wrapped around my back, his body pressed tightly against me. My mind and my senses were reeling at the feel of him, so welcome yet so forbidden. And then I stilled completely as I was hit with another realization. Edward was aroused. He was hard as a rock and he was shifting his hips in impossibly small movements, rubbing himself against my thigh. I felt my own erection spring up out of nowhere and before I could stop myself, my hips shifted against him. He instantly stopped moving and started to pull away.

"Wait." I said. He looked up at me, our eyes locking together. This was it. There was a demon whispering into my ear, urging me on, and I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to.

"Do you, um . . . Do you want me to help you out with that?"

He blinked, confusion shrouding his gorgeous face.

"I thought you didn't . . . You said. . ."

"Not in Seattle," I choked out. "Not in the apartment. But here, it's different. . . If you want it to be."

He gave me one last searching look and then reached down towards his belt.

"Wait," I stilled his hand with my own. "Not outside. You'll freeze."

His eyes darted around wildly. I scanned the area as well.

"Where?" he asked, his voice urgent. My eyes fell on the Volvo.

"Your car," I said. "Back seat."

We scrambled up and walked quickly to the parked car, Edward using the remote to unlock the doors. We got in the back seat and the doors were barely closed before he was unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his jeans, pulling them down along with his briefs, his freed cock standing up in attention as he sat back in the seat. I knelt on the back seat, facing him and leaning against the back of the front passenger seat. I sucked in the walls of my mouth to work up a good amount of saliva which I spit into my right hand, spreading it out with my fingers before grasping his dick. God, it felt so good. His shaft was hard, but the skin covering it was so soft and delicate. I slowly pumped my hand, just barely able to encircle his girth.

"Ugh, Jasper," he groaned, closing his eyes and throwing his head back against the seat, his hips lifting, thrusting his cock into my hand. I leaned forward and used my left hand to restrain him, keeping his hips immobile. I knew this would probably never happen again, and I didn't want it to be over too quickly.

I stayed silent, stroking him slowly. I twisted my wrist as I pumped him, but kept my movements easy and deliberate, just enough to maintain his state of arousal. I watched him, his head still resting back against the seat, lips parted to let out shallow pants, eyes closed, face slightly tense, but also content. He was gorgeous. I could watch him like this for hours.

He shifted beneath my hand again, attempting to buck. I let go of his hip and let him, allowing him to show me the pace he wanted, matching my strokes accordingly.

"Fuck," he breathed out as I started to pay more attention to his head, circling the top with my thumb.

That's right, Tiger. Tell me how this makes you feel.

The feel of him in my hand, the look on his face, the sounds he was making - it was all driving me mad with want. My cock, harder than it has ever been, was aching from the confinement in my too tight jeans. I was desperate, if not for relief than just for a little extra room so the fuckin' thing wouldn't fall off from lack of circulation.

Continuing to stroke him with my right hand, I moved my left hand to my zipper, intending only to lower it to give me a little more space. Edward felt the movement and his eyes snapped open.

"Let me help you too, Jasper." his voice was low and husky. "It's only fair."

"You don't have to," I said. "I'll be fine if I just get some more room."

"I know I don't have to. Just like you didn't have to." And then he was reaching for my belt buckle and I was helping him. We unbuckled the belt and opened the button on my jeans. I lifted my hips up so that we could slide down my jeans and boxers, freeing my pained cock.

Imitating my actions from earlier, Edward spit into his hand and wrapped it around my turgid dick. It felt wonderful, and I closed my eyes for a moment just to relish that feeling.

"Damn, Edward," I whispered.

"I know," he said, and it was all that needed to be said because we both knew how the other felt at that moment. Having someone else stroke you while you were this turned on was the best fuckin' thing since sliced bread. And for me, knowing that the hand belonged to him . . . Fuck! I opened my eyes because I needed to see this, to burn it into my memory. This was just us. No girls, no blankets, no hiding, and not nearly enough alcohol to fuzz up what was happening. And we were doing this to each other. Holy Christ!

His head was no longer thrown back and his eyes were wide open, locked with mine. We stroked each other in unison. There were no more thoughts of going slow. In all the time I'd been working him I became so hard I nearly came as soon as I felt him grasp me. I knew I couldn't hold out, no matter how slow he went, so instead I sped up my own hand and he matched my tempo. We pumped and twisted and rubbed and watched the expressions on our faces change as we panted and huffed and groaned in the back seat, windows all fogged up with our heavy breathing, both of us frantic with the need for release.

I came first, as I knew I would, my hips jutting forward, ass lifted off my heels as I pressed hard into the back of the passenger seat, shuddering, shooting my load all over the leather of the back seat next to Edward. His eyes shifted away from my face to my cock, and watching me come sent him over the edge, his pulsing dick sending jets of white jizz to coat the back of the driver's seat. I watched his face as he came and all I could think of was how beautiful he looked and that I was the one who'd made him look that way. Then we both closed our eyes and leaned back, letting go of each other and just trying to calm our breathing.

"Jas, that was . . ,." Edward finally spoke. "I mean, no girl has ever . . . Damn!"

"Yeah, ditto," I tried to be as offhand as I could, secretly basking in the glow of the compliment he just paid me. "Girls don't really know what they're dealing with as well as we do, do they?"

"No, I guess not," he agreed.

I didn't know what else to say. I sat up and pulled up my boxers and pants as Edward did the same.

"Do you have any tissues or rags in here so we can clean some of this shit off?" I asked, pointing to the gooey messes we left behind.

"There should be some napkins in the console." he said. I turned, opened the console and dug out the napkins. We split them between us and cleaned off the seats as best we could.

"I guess we'd better get going," I said, looking at my watch and noticing how late it was.

"Yeah," he agreed unenthusiastically. Slowly he got out of the car and I followed. We dropped the napkins in the park trash can and got back into the car, this time in the front seats. Edward put the key in the ignition but didn't turn it.

"Jasper, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Why is Seattle different?"

I had no idea what he meant, but it didn't look like he felt like providing a clarification.

"I don't know. I guess this is the past and Seattle is the present, our real life in the real world, instead of in this miniscule fishbowl. That's the main difference. But it has to be that way. We have to move on. We can't live in the past, right?"

He turned the key and the car came to life. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he said as he pulled back onto the road and drove me home.

"See you Sunday, Edward," I said as I was leaving the car.

"Right. I'll pick you up after breakfast," he said and pulled away.

I didn't see Edward Saturday, as my mom insisted that we spend a family day in Port Angeles. Sunday, Edward showed at noon to take us back to Seattle. I had hoped we'd take the drive to talk about what happened Friday night, but Edward was not in a talkative mood. His body radiated tension and it seemed to increase as we got closer to Seattle. He wasn't angry. He just seemed out of sorts, like something huge was weighing him down, pressing him further and further into himself and away from me. I tried to start a conversation a couple of times, making sure to use only neutral topics that weren't likely to bring him down further, but I got nothing out of him other than a few single word responses. I didn't know what to do. I had no experience with this kind of thing. He'd never acted like this before. I was worried, but I didn't want to make things worse by pestering him. In the end, I decided I would leave him alone and see if the mood passed on its own.

Unfortunately, my hopes that our arrival at our place would help were not realized. We ate Thanksgiving leftovers packed for us by our mothers without talking much, and then Edward said he needed to study and retreated to his room. We spent the rest of the evening without even seeing each other. I didn't know what was going on, but none of the possibilities that occurred to me made me feel good. We had been fine Friday night, but then everything fell apart. Was Edward regretting that we had done? That must have been it. Why did I have to indulge Friday night? Why couldn't I just have exercised a little bit of resolve and left things as they were? By now, Edward probably figured out that I was gay, and was trying to think of a way to let me know that he didn't want to live or be friends with someone like me.

My first class Monday was earlier than his so, as usual, I didn't see him that morning. I caught a glimpse of him on campus several times throughout the day, but he was always too far away to notice me, almost as if he deliberately selected paths that would ensure we didn't run into each other. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the lack of communication much longer, so I resolved to force him to talk to me that night and tell me what was bugging him. No matter how bad it was, it couldn't be worse than what I had already imagined.

Of course, it's difficult to get someone to talk to you when they're not there. Edward wasn't home when I got there in the evening and left no indication of where he went. I ate dinner alone, though I couldn't get much down, as sick as I felt about the inevitable upcoming confrontation. After dinner I tried to read for class, but my mind was too occupied so instead I planted myself on the living room couch and watched mindless reality shows. At 10, when I finally heard Edward's keys in the lock, there was a maelstrom of anxiety within me ready to be unleashed. I propelled myself towards the front door only to stop dead in my tracks when I saw Edward wasn't alone.

He stumbled in, his arm wrapped around a miniscule girl with black spiky hair and a mind numbing number of facial piercings. She had on heavy black eyeliner and black lipstick and was extremely slight, the top of her head barely reaching Edward's armpit.

"Hey, Jas," Edward slurred. "Look what I found at our favorite bar. This is Alice. Don't you just want to eat her up?" He reached down to her and pulled her into a deep, sloppy kiss. I stood rooted in place, unable to look away, thinking there was nothing in the world I wanted to do less. I felt like I just had been slammed into by a truck.

Alice pulled away from Edward and took off her black trench coat. Beneath she wore a dark green plaid pleated mini skirt along with a cropped black tank top that revealed more body piercings and elaborate tattoos. I didn't understand what Edward could have possibly seen in this girl that would make him want to bring her home.

"Baby, this is Jasper," he said to her, "My bedroom's over there," he indicated the direction with a flip of his head. "Why don't you make yourself comfortable and I'll see you soon."

Alice skipped off in the direction of Edward's room, the carefree step completely incongruous with her appearance. Midway there she stopped and looked over her shoulder in our direction.

"Don't take too long," she said, "I don't have all night."

When it was just the two of us again, I snapped from my stupor. Clearly I wasn't going to have my confrontation with Edward tonight. Wordlessly I turned and started walking back to my room to get my phone and vacate the premises. I stopped when I felt Edward's hand on my shoulder.

"Wait, Jas," he said "Don't leave. I need a favor."

I sighed. I wasn't in a mood to grant favors. I cringed when, almost against my will, I asked "What is it?"

"That girl in there, Alice, I've been trying to get with her for a while now with no luck. Tonight I found out why. Turns out she isn't into the one on one thing. So the only way I could get her here was to tell her that you and I have done that before. You know, like with Lauren? And she agreed to come, but only if you join us."

Oh hell no! He did not just ask me to join a ménage a trois with him and some over punctured skank he picked up at a bar. I shook my head, hard, as much to clear it as to let him know in no uncertain terms that I would not be participating.

"Come on, Jasper. I've heard this girl is fucking wild. I've been wanting to tap that for weeks, but I can't do it without you. Please, man. You know I'd do the same for you."

I tried to imagine asking Edward to join me for a romp with a guy I'd just picked up in a bar and knew exactly how well that would have gone. I took a deep breath.

"Jesus, Edward, it's just one girl. You can get any other piece of ass any time. What makes this one so special? She's not even your type." I frowned a little as I said this. It's true I'd never seen him with anyone like this before, but it's not like Edward had a type. "Really, this isn't something I can do for you, and you have no right to ask."

"Jasper, please," he said urgently. "Please do this for me. Help me. She'll leave if you don't do this and I'll never get another shot again. We've done it before, so what's the big deal? Please! I've never struck out with a girl before."

So that's what this was all about? His ego? The first time he'd been turned down and he couldn't handle it? Well, fuck! It would be a good learning experience, then. Except looking at him now, pleading with me, I wondered how important this really was. He'd been so tense yesterday – had he been thinking about this? Maybe last Friday night gave him the idea that I would agree to this, but he was afraid to ask me yesterday. And a damn good thing, too, 'cause I would have said no way, just like I was gonna do now, right?

I looked away and ran a hand over my eyes and through my hair. Even if I wanted to do this, would I be able to help him? Could I get over my revulsion for her and somehow get it up so that Edward didn't have to face this rejection? Just how much would I need to do? I could probably handle a blow-job, but I had a feeling tonight would be more about what I would do for Alice than she for me.

"I'm getting pretty bored, boys," I heard her voice from the bedroom. "You two better not be fucking around out there – I need you at full strength in here."

Edward looked at me, pleading with his eyes. How the fuck was I supposed to say no when he looked at me like that?

"I'm really not attracted to her, Edward. In fact, all the facial piercings are a real turn off. I don't know if I'll be able to. . ."

He rolled his eyes.

"You're a guy aren't you? Don't focus on that stuff, just focus on the tight holes that you can bury your cock in. Shit, I'll take the front and you can have the back. That way you don't even have to look at her face. Now please, come on."

He grabbed my arm and started dragging me to his room. "And try to fucking look a little more enthusiastic."

I allowed him to pull me into his room. Alice was on the bed, stripped down to a black g-string and barely-there bra that seemed completely unnecessary given her tiny, nearly non-existent tits. Now, in addition to my previous doubts, I was worried that she'd never graduated junior high.

"Don't worry, Baby," she said as if she'd read my mind. "I run small but I'm plenty old enough and there's more than enough of me to handle the two of you. Now, you both are way too fucking overdressed, so why don't you take off those clothes and let's get down to business."

Edward started stripping and I reluctantly followed his lead. My hands were trembling a bit as I pulled off my shirt and jeans. This is wrong, so wrong. This shit is wrong on so many levels. Stop what you're doing before it's too late! My body was ignoring my mind as I pulled off my boxers, now completely naked and completely limp, feeling extremely exposed and vulnerable.

Edward had disrobed much faster than me and was already on the bed with Alice, following her direction to eat her out. I watched them, thinking that the sight of his beautiful face between this midget whore's thighs was the most tragic thing I'd even seen. She saw me looking at her and her eyes focused on my dick. She yanked Edward's hair roughly, pulling him up off her pussy.

"Sorry, Baby," she purred. "I know you were probably enjoying yourself in there, but your friend looks like he's feeling left out. What do you say we play with him for a while so he can fuck me hard later. Right now he's absolutely useless."

She slid away from Edward, reached for my hand and yanked me towards the bed. It was so unexpected I fell face first onto the bed. She slapped my ass, hard, and I was willing to bet she'd left behind an angry little hand print. She told me to move up and flip over, and like an idiot I complied. Alice was on my cock in a flash, enveloping me in her mouth. As she continued to lick and suck, I felt myself starting to grow. After a few minutes I was harder, but not fully erect. She let me out of her mouth and turned to Edward, who had moved behind her and was finger fuckin' her in earnest as she worked on me.

"That feels good, Baby, but clearly I'm already good and ready to go and," she smiled as she eyed his hard shaft, "apparently so are you. But I do need some help over here. Why don't you take over on his cock and I'll work below."

She slid down my body and started sucking my balls, moving her tiny hand to massage my perineum. I looked at Edward with panicked eyes. She had just basically told him to suck me. There was no way he was going to let this go on. But then, without looking at me, he shifted closer and lowered his face, tentatively touching his lips to the tip of my head. A shiver went through me and I inhaled sharply, not daring to believe what was happening.

"That's fucking pathetic, Edward. Is that what you like done to you?" Alice taunted, "Come on, he's damn hot and he's helping you get in my pussy. He deserves a little more from you, doncha think?

I wasn't breathing, waiting for the angry explosion from Edward. Instead I felt my head being pulled into his mouth, his tongue flicking against my slit. I wanted to stop it, but there was nothing I could do. I was instantly hard, needing more, and being rewarded with Edward sucking me in even deeper.

"That's it," Alice instructed, "He likes that. He's almost ready for us. Keep doing what you're doing."

As Edward kept sucking my cock, already sending my body into a frenzy, Alice flicked her tongue against my balls as her hand traveled beneath them. And then I felt her finger in my ass, and my hips bucked hard off the bed into Edward's face, the unexpected movement forcing my dick against the back of his throat, making him gag. He let me fall out of his mouth and I looked at him, absolutely horrified at what just happened, but Alice, completely nonplussed, sprang up and declared "I think he's ready. Let's get to it."

She shifted to pull off her g-string, told the still stunned Edward to sit back against the pillow at the head board, straddled him, lowered herself onto his cock and started to move herself up and down.

"Mm," she said, "Halfway there." She turned back to look at me. "Come on, Jasper, plenty of room for you."

Completely dazed and confused, I sat up, not really knowing what she expected me to do.

"Get behind me," she said, "but don't get too eager. You're pretty big, so I'll need some prep. I think you know what to do."

Oh, Jesus fuckin' Christ. She wanted me to stretch her hole out to get her ready for my cock? I looked at Edward and found his eyes already on me filled with a mixture of emotions. I could see anticipation, desire and a little fear. The fear was justified. This little bitch was a sex Nazi. I couldn't believe what she's already made him do. What she was making me do. And then I looked down and knew that no matter what she wanted, there was no way I could comply. I simply could not maintain an erection while thinking about fuckin' this girl.

It's just an ass, Jasper. It's no different than a boy's ass and she's so fuckin' small and flat she might as well be a boy. This is something you can share with Edward. Your cocks can be sliding into her right next to each other. Didn't you tell Peter that you wouldn't mind sharing him? Well, this is the only way you can do that in bed. And he asked for it! Begged for it! Damn it, a few minutes – that's all it will take and then it will be all over. Just get it up and get it over with.

My internal monologue notwithstanding, I knew I wouldn't be able to get aroused again. I looked at Edward and I knew he saw it in my face. I couldn't handle the resulting disappointment in his face, the knowledge that he was disappointed in me.

I jumped off the bed and pulled on my jeans, not bothering with the boxers. I ran out of the room at top speed, pausing by the door only long enough to grab my wallet and keys. My first instinct was to run to the staircase, out of the building, as far away from all this as possible, but when my bare feet hit the concrete floor in the staircase, I knew this was stupid. I had no shoes or shirt on, and there was no way I could run out in November dressed only in a pair of jeans without risking pneumonia or worse. Besides, where the fuck would I go?

I backed into the hall and ran to Seth and Emmett's door, leaning into the bell. I heard someone moving inside and then the door was flung open and Emmett pulled me inside, closing the door behind me.

"Jasper, my God, what happened?" he said, taking in my half-dressed state. "Are you all right?"

"No." I shook my head helplessly, "I need a place to stay.