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Chapter 4: Betrayal
I tried. I really tried. I searched the recesses of my brain for some damn bulletproof reason why living in an off campus apartment with Edward was a really bad idea, but I still came up empty. I was grasping at straws. I thought about transportation, but there was a bus stop a block away from the apartment that took me right to campus. The apartment actually offered more peace and quiet and privacy than the dorms, so that was a dead end. I was ready to give up. There just wasn't any good reason other than the truth, and that was not something I was able or willing to share.
Desperate for a distraction, my mind kept drifting until it took me back to my memories of those first weeks of the school year with Maggie.
Other than the rides to and from school and our minimal interaction at lunch, Maggie and I didn't hang out together at school. So it surprised me when that first Friday Maggie asked me what I was doing Saturday. I gave her an annoyed look, because she damn well knew I had no plans.
"I'll be playing at a charity reception in Seattle. It's a good gig – I get paid pretty well for a few hours of what for me is piano practice. I'm allowed to bring a guest. Wanna come? I know you're probably sick of hearing me play, but there are usually good appetizers and if you're lucky no one will think to card you and you can take advantage of the open bar."
I considered the offer. Going to some reception just to eat, drink and listen to Maggie play wasn't my idea of a fun night out, but it was better than sulking at home thinking of Edward. "Sounds all right." I told her.
"Good. I'll pick you up at 2:00 tomorrow. Wear a suit."
I grimaced. "Seriously?"
"Yeah. You'll need a suit to blend in and pass for over 21. You do have a suit, right?"
I confirmed that I had a suit and the following evening I was dressed in it, mingling with other guests at a fundraiser reception for some foundation or another, while Maggie played background music. As she predicted, no one questioned my age and I was well on my way to getting smashed on the finest booze the bar had to offer. I tried to pace myself a little, making sure I ate in between drinking, so that I wouldn't embarrass Maggie while she was working. I talked to Maggie during her breaks, but otherwise I was fuckin' bored, so as often as not I found myself, drink in hand, leaning against a back wall, people watching. Towards the end of the night I was fixed in the same spot when a guy came up and joined me in supporting the wall. I glanced over at him, noting how well he filled out his beautifully tailored suit.
"Not really your thing, is it?" he asked, sweeping the hand that was holding his drink across the reception room. I merely shrugged in response.
"You seem awfully lonely, standing here all by yourself. Interested in some company?"
I looked him over more carefully. He was in his early thirties, well-built and about my height, average looking with short sandy brown hair and golden brown eyes. In fact, other than his impressive body, the glint in his eyes was the only remarkable thing about him. His eyes held interest, an invitation, and a promise. I found myself swallowing hard and realized that my dick was getting hard as well. Was this guy propositioning me in the middle of a cocktail reception?
"I'm here with a friend," I said, my voice not nearly as confident as I'd wanted it to be.
"Then your friend hasn't been as attentive as he should be. If you were here with me I wouldn't have left you alone for a second, much less the whole night."
Shit! He was propositioning me! How the fuck did he know? Clearly this guy had been watching me for some time, so I desperately reviewed my actions in my head trying to figure out how I gave away the fact that I was gay. This was happening too often for my liking. Too many people were spotting my preferences. Pretty soon I would not be able to go out socially out of fear of slipping, especially since I couldn't think of a single queer thing I did to attract this guy's attention.
"My friend's been busy," I said, trying to throw him off track, "She's the piano player."
The guy looked in Maggie's direction and then back to me, a small smile playing across his lips. He turned and stepped towards me, so that his back shielded us from the rest of the guests.
"Well, then I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you and I slipped away for a few minutes. I saw a nice, dark, quiet coat room just down the hall that should give us plenty of privacy," his voice was husky as he moved his left hand to brush over my hard cock.
Fuck! I would have jumped back if I wasn't already standing right against the wall. Instead, I was forced to step to the side, just out of his reach. My mind was going a mile a minute. I had no idea how to respond. On the one hand, the guy had obviously turned me on, and my dick would have been pointing towards the coat room like a compass needle to guide my way if it had been less restrained. On the other hand, my only experiences so far had been with Peter, a friend whom I trusted completely. And even with him we'd only gone as far as blow jobs. I had no idea what gay men did during random hook-ups in coat rooms, and I was terrified that this guy would expect a hell of a lot more than I had to offer. I was too new to all this to take this giant leap, no matter what my cock brain was telling me.
Since he'd already felt my fuckin' erection, there was no point in denying the obvious, so I didn't even try to pass for straight. Instead, I went with the only excuse that came to mind. "I think she's just about done for the night." Thankfully, a wall clock told me I was right.
He followed my gaze to the clock and then looked back to me, his expression impossible to read. Suddenly he moved the hand holding his drink towards me.
"Hold that for me?"
I took it automatically, then felt vulnerable with both of my hands occupied. What if he decided to grope me again? I let out a breath in relief when I realized that he had no such intentions. I watched curiously as he reached into his inside breast pocket and pulled out a pen. He placed the cocktail napkin into the palm of his left hand and wrote something, I couldn't tell what. He put his pen away and reached to retrieve his glass, handing me the napkin in its place.
"It was nice to meet you . . ." he left the words hanging, obviously waiting for me to fill in my name.
"Jasper," I said, and immediately gave myself a mental kick. My name was unusual enough that I shouldn't be giving it out to random strangers, especially ones who suspected I was gay.
"Right," he said, "Jasper."
Fuck me! The way my name rolled off his tongue sounded so damn sexy!
"I'm James. Call me when you have some more time."
He turned around and walked away, leaving me standing with a dumbfounded expression, looking at the cocktail napkin in my hand with his name and number written in neat script.
"I'll be waiting," he threw over his shoulder with a smile and I looked around frantically, panicked that someone may have overheard. I sighed with relief when I saw that everyone was too busy with their own conversations to notice the exchange between us. I looked at the napkin again before placing it in my jacket pocket and draining the rest of my drink.
Back at home I took the napkin out of my pocket and programmed the phone number into my mobile. I held the napkin for a while, recalling his sexy voice and attractive body, then placed it at the back of my desk junk drawer. I was pretty sure I would never actually call James, but I was flattered that a guy like him would come on to me, and I couldn't quite force myself to throw the memento away.
For two more weeks my life followed a pattern. The only people I spoke to on the daily basis were my parents and sister, Maggie and my teachers. Once Eric shoved me hard against a locker at school and proceeded to insult my inability to make my own friends. He'd always been the most resentful of the close friendship between me and Edward, and I was sure he took the most pleasure when he heard that Edward ordered that I be shunned. I didn't bother to defend myself against his attack, and he soon grew bored and left me alone.
Even though Edward had not been anywhere near our hallway exchange, the next day Eric showed up sporting a rather impressively swollen and blackened eye, and he never said a word to me again. Eric's face served as a good reminder to everyone else that speaking to me was a bad idea, and no one other than Maggie had been willing to do it. I kept waiting for Edward to do something nasty to Maggie for daring to associate with me, but he never did.
Then, on Friday of the third week of school, I walked out to find both Maggie and Edward waiting for me in the driveway. Maggie was in her car. Edward was leaning against his Volvo.
"Enough, Jasper," he snapped at me. "I didn't spend eight damn years of my life grooming you so you could throw it all away on this loser bitch. You're such a pathetic disappointment. You would have done better being by yourself than lowering yourself to her level. But I think by now you've learned your lesson, so get the fuck in the car."
I looked from him to Maggie, noticing that her expression was a bit smug.
"Remember what I said a couple of weeks ago? You have a choice, Jasper," she said, and I was shocked to realize that I did. I could officially reject Edward and his mood swings and insults, somehow get through the last year of high school, and then get the hell away from all of this when I left for college. Or I could swallow my pride and turn my back on the girl who had been my friend and haven for the last three weeks, just to be close to the boy I loved, even if he would never love me back. It took me about three seconds before I started walking towards the Volvo. I kept my eyes down, unable to look Maggie in the face.
After that day she might as well have disappeared. For a while, despite Edward's directive to the contrary, I kept a lookout for her, hoping for a chance to explain and apologize. But we didn't have any classes together and she became as invisible as she had been before the start of the year. I never spoke with her again.
So here I was, three weeks before graduation, stuck home alone on a Friday night, still without any friends of my own, and without any hope of escaping Edward's influence after we left Forks. There was no doubt that my life was fucked up, and that the only thing that might bring me some comfort tonight was a physical release.
I wasn't about to jack off again. I'd already done it thrice and even a guy my age had a fuckin' limit. It was too late to go running or do anything outside and I also didn't feel like going to the basement and lifting the weights Jerry and I had amassed in our limited workout room. There was only one option left – dancing. Peter had told me all about the New York gay club scene and how much he enjoyed it, and even though he knew I'd never find anything equivalent in Forks, he was determined that I should practice on my own anyway, so that when he took me to the clubs this summer I wouldn't look like a complete novice. He even sent me a CD of club mixes prepared for me by one of his DJ friends. I hadn't done anything with it up to now, but tonight I was desperate, so I pushed it into the player, turned up the volume, and felt my body respond to the beats of the music. I was probably a lousy dancer, but there was no one here to see, and dancing got rid of some of my excess energy and cleared my brain.
After about fifteen minutes I slowly became aware of a steady thumping that was out of rhythm with the beat of the music. Confused, I turned down the volume on the stereo. The thumping continued. It was coming from downstairs. I stepped out into the hall and realized that, in addition to the thumping, someone was yelling out my name.
"Jasper! Jasper, goddamnit, I know you're up there! Open the fucking door! Jasper!"
I flew down the stairs the instant I recognized Edward's voice. What the fuck was going on? I'd never heard Edward so distraught, so . . . desperate.
I unlocked and flung the door open as he was mid-knock, the forward momentum of his fist meeting nothing but air making him stumble, his shoulder slamming into my chest. All the air left my lungs in a single "whoosh" as I was forced to step back, nearly falling. Edward was a solid wall of muscle and I had been unprepared for the weight. Somehow I managed to keep my balance, bracing him with my hands on his shoulders.
"Edward? What the fuck?"
He looked at me with crazed eyes. I saw that the left side of his face was swollen and starting to bruise.
"The fucking bitch! I saw them, Jasper, I saw them."
Shit! This didn't sound good at all, not at all. I figured the bitch he referred to was Bella -- the first time he described her accurately, as far as I was concerned – but I had no idea who the other person or persons were and what Edward could have seen "them" doing. Whatever it was, it had sent him into a tailspin.
Edward came in without waiting for an invitation. He was carrying a bottle of vodka and I saw that half of it had already been drained. He stumbled, tripped over his own feet and would have plowed head first into the stairs if I hadn't managed to grab the back of his jacket to keep him upright. Fuck! I felt like a goddamn act at the Cirque du Soleil. Still holing onto his jacket with one hand, I guided him to turn around with the other and sat him down on the stairs, leaning him again the railing for support.
"Wait here, I'll be right back," I told him. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bag of frozen corn, wrapping it with a clean dish towel. I brought it back to Edward and handed it to him, instructing him to hold the bag against his face. I pulled him back to his feet, slung his arm over my shoulder and helped him make his way up the stairs to my room. I was glad my parents were away for the weekend. I had a feeling it was going to be a long night.
When we got to my room I closed the door behind me and turned to him.
"What happened, Edward?" I asked quietly, hoping my soothing voice would help to calm him down. "What did you see?"
He tossed the bottle and corn onto my bed and sat down on the edge, burying his face in his hands. "Bella," he said, his voice breaking, "I saw Bella."
"You saw Bella doing what?" I reached for the corn and brought it to his face, taking his hand and using it to press the cold bag against the swelling. I hated pushing him to talk, but I had to know what I was dealing with.
"She didn't wanna go out tonight, claimed to have another fucking report due, so I went over to Tyler's house to hang out with the guys. We watched a movie, played pool, had some shots. You know, just hanging out. I called you to come out, but you didn't answer, and I got bored. And I fucking missed her, man. We hadn't fucked in a while and I was ready for a little action. So I thought I'd surprise her. I figured she'd be done with the fucking report already and we could, you know, mess around. I even drove by the police station to make sure her dad was on duty, so the coast at her house would be clear.
"When I got there I took out the spare key they keep by the door and let myself in, figuring I'd crawl into her bed and make her come before she even woke up, you know? But when I got up the stairs and to her room, I heard these noises, these rutting noises," he said the last two words with utter disgust.
"I opened the door and I saw them, right on the bed. She was on her fucking hands and knees and he was pumping her doggie style," he choked out.
I couldn't hold back my shocked gasp. "Who was it?"
"That motherfucker Jacob Black. The fucking mongrel! A sophomore, for fuck's sake!"
I ran my hand through my hair. I knew the kid he was talking about. Jacob was large for his age, larger than Edward, and good looking in a raw, unpolished kind of way. No comparison to Edward, of course, but I could see girls being attracted to him. But Bella? A fucking senior who was lucky enough to have snagged Edward Cullen? She was definitely slummin' with Black.
This was so much worse than I expected. Fuck! What the hell was I supposed to do in this situation? There was one crucial piece of information I was still missing.
"What happened, Edward? What did you do when you found them?"
"What do you think I did, Jasper? I kicked the living shit out of him. Let me tell you, that fucker ain't gonna be smiling or siring children for a while. He tried to put up a fight thinking he was bigger than me, but he fucking underestimated Edward Cullen if he thought he could fuck my girlfriend and get away with it. I showed him that size wasn't the only thing that mattered. I made sure he suffered and then I threw him the hell out of her house buck naked and let him figure out how to get the fuck home."
I groaned. This was bad. Fortunately, Black was a sophomore without a lot of senior friends, so we didn't have to worry about retaliation. Even more fortunately, Bella's father being the chief of police meant that Black would not be pressing any charges – he'd have a hard time explaining the circumstances of the assault. Still, Edward's violence wouldn't be doing him any good either. Black's face would undoubtedly be great fodder for gossip.
"What about Bella? You didn't . . . ?" I said a silent prayer that he hadn't done her any harm. Not that I gave a shit about her, but with her dad being who he was, there was no way anyone would be able to smooth things over if Edward had smacked her around.
"No, man. I didn't fucking touch her. She's a lying, cheating cunt, but she's still a girl. I would never . . ."
I let out my breath in relief. "All right. So now what?"
"It's over," he said quietly. "I can't be with her now, after what I'd seen, even if she wanted me, which she doesn't."
"What?" I was incredulous. "She told you she doesn't want you?"
Suddenly Edward was incensed again. He stood up, tossed the bag of corn to the floor and started pacing the room unsteadily.
"Do you know what she told me? That fucking bitch! She said she didn't wanna be with someone who wasn't man enough to come in her snatch. Like that's some kind of a measurement of manhood? Fuck!
"So I don't like to come in pussy. So what? It's not like I don't have a good fuckin' reason. I don't wanna wear a goddamn condom when I fuck and the last thing I need is to have a bunch of little Cullens running around. And sure, Bella swears she's on the pill, but that shit fails sometimes and what if she forgets to take a pill one day? Fuck! I've filled her ass plenty of times and she's swallowed a tanker full of my cum, so who gives a shit if I deposit my swimmers in her cunt? That bitch!"
He was over by the bed now, so he grabbed the vodka, screwed off the top and took several long swigs before handing me the bottle. I took a quick swallow and set the bottle aside.
"So now she's decided to fuck this underclass prick just because he fills her with his jizz after he drills her? Fuck her!" He sounded disgusted, but I heard the undertone of despair and self-doubt in his voice.
Then he was crazed again. He walked up to me, grabbed the front of my shirt and shook me violently.
"She fucking left me, Jasper!" he screamed. "Left me for that asshole mutt! No! She didn't even have the fucking guts to leave me. I just had to find them screwing in the same fucking bed where she screamed my goddamn name . . ." He collapsed into me, his head falling to my shoulder. I put my arms around him in a tight embrace. He was killing me with his reaction, breaking my heart, and he didn't even know it.
His shoulders started to shake and I felt wetness on my shirt. He was crying, weeping. I pulled back to look at his face. His eyes, already bloodshot from the alcohol, were rimmed with tears. I brought one of my hands to his face and wiped away the tears with my thumb.
"Jesus, Edward," I said, my voice firm but soothing. "She's not fuckin' worth it. You've already spent too much time and energy on the ungrateful slut. You're Edward fuckin' Cullen. All you have to do is wag your finger and everyone comes running. You can have anyone you want."
Including me, I thought. Especially me! If only he felt about me the way I felt about him.
He didn't respond, so I knew I had to continue.
"She was the luckiest fuckin' bitch in the whole school to have you and she didn't even appreciate it. But she'll find out. She'll find out what a nothing she is when she's not on your fuckin' arm. Say the word and she'll be such a fuckin' social pariah not even Jacob Black will want to fuck her." I knew firsthand I wasn't exaggerating.
He whimpered. God, how I hated that bitch for reducing my wonderful, strong Edward to this. I knew I would have to avenge him somehow. I would have to make sure the rest of her fuckin' life in Forks was going to be as miserable for her as this night was for him.
"You don't understand, Jas," he choked out. "You're so fucking strong and independent. You don't need anyone. How the fuck do you do that?"
I was shocked. Edward actually thought I was strong? I leaned back to look into his eyes again.
"Edward, what the fuck are you talking about? You've been protecting me and taking care of me from the moment we met. You're the fuckin' strong one! The strongest person I know."
He smiled a little at that. Just a small ray of sunshine on an otherwise storm-ravaged face. And in an instant his face clouded over again.
"I don't know, Jas. You're just always so fucking comfortable with yourself. You don't care what anyone thinks. You don't need to be with people. Like tonight. You didn't need to be with the guys. You're just here, by yourself, and you're fucking happy. And I can't do that. I had to go to Tyler's and then I had to go over to Bella's . . . I fucking always need to be the center of attention, to have everyone's approval. I always need everyone to love me. I thought Bella loved me and now . . . now I'm all alone," he started to cry again.
I could hear through the slurring of his words that a lot of this was the booze talking. Once he sobered up he'd be fine. He probably wouldn't even remember this. But tonight he was so fuckin' distraught. I couldn't just stand by and do nothing. I ran my fingers though his hair.
"It's OK, Edward. Of course you're not alone. I'm here. I'll always be here for you. I love you." The instant the words came out I wanted to yank them back. I've imagined telling Edward I loved him so many times, but not like this! Not when he was drunk out of his mind after he had just had his heart broken by that callous slut of a girlfriend. Not when he showed absolutely no inclination to reciprocate that love. Only I did say it and there was no taking it back, and now I just had to go with it and suffer the consequences.
He looked at me with confusion in his eyes. "You're always there for me, Jas." It was a statement more than a question.
I nodded. "I am, Edward. You know I'd do anything to make you feel better."
His eyes darkened.
"Anything, Jas?" he asked. A tiny shiver of fear went through me at the tone of his question, but I was already committed.
"Anything," I confirmed, my voice surprisingly strong.
"And you love me?"
"I do." I quieted again, terrified of where he was going with this line of questions.
"Will you show me? Show me you love me?"
I stared at him. I had no idea what he meant. What the fuck was he asking me to do?
"I need. . ." his voice cracked. "I need to know. I need you to show me."
Jesus Christ! Was he really asking what I thought he was asking? And if I responded, what would happen next? Did I actually dare to do this? Was I ready to risk everything falling apart?
I wasn't sure of anything, but he was standing there, looking at me with hope, expectation and desperation, so I did the first thing I thought of. I lowered my head to his and covered his lips with mine. I started with barely a peck, not knowing what kind of reaction to expect. I just brushed my lips against his surprisingly soft ones and lifted my head, looking at him with unspoken questions in my eyes.
His eyes were wide with shock, but also dark with desire. He gripped my shirt again, but this time he pulled me closer and moved in to kiss me. His wasn't a soft, exploratory kiss. His lips crushed mine with a fierce determination and moved over mine forcefully. He moved one of his hands to the back of my head and held me to him, as if afraid that I was going to break our connection.
He opened his mouth, his tongue tracing my lips and then pressing between them, demanding entry, which I eagerly granted. I could smell and taste the alcohol on his breath, preventing me from identifying his unique flavor, but I didn't care. This was the moment I had been dreaming about for so long, I wasn't going to let small imperfections get in the way of my utter bliss. My hands roamed his back as I moaned my pleasure into his mouth.
I gave him complete control. Whatever he wanted, whatever he needed he could take from me and I gave it willingly with no reservations. It didn't matter that he was kissing and sucking my lips with such force that they would certainly be swollen and bruised. And it didn't matter that his kisses had more anger and fury behind them than love and tenderness. I was in the position to give him what he needed, and in return, even if for just a few precious minutes, I got Edward. My Edward. No matter what happened later, for this moment he was all mine!
I groaned in disappointment when I felt his lips shift away from mine, the sighed in relief when I realized that he was simply kissing his way across my face down to my neck. He settled on a spot right above my left collar bone and started to suck, gently at first and then with more and more force until I actually felt pain as he pulled my skin deeply between his teeth. I almost broke away when an epiphany struck and a thrilling shiver rolled through my entire body as I realized that he was fuckin' marking me! The pain became secondary as I thought about being able to look in the mirror and see the physical evidence of this night for many days to come.
A few moments later, when I was certain that the mark would show and would not quickly fade away, I slowly pulled him off me.
"Easy, Tiger," I murmured. "No need to resort to cannibalism. That mark should be nearly fuckin' permanent by now."
He looked straight into my eyes, then down to my neck, and then he began to cry again.
No! No, no, no, no, no! This was not supposed to happen. He was not supposed to cry after that kiss. I had to do something to make him feel good again.
I sat down on the edge of my bed, pulling him down with me, then pushed him gently to lie back. I lay by his side and pulled him to me so that his back was pressed to my chest with my arms wrapped tightly around him. My lips were next to his ear and I whispered words intended to calm and reassure him. I told him it was all going to be all right, that he was never alone as long as I was with him, that I would always love him and be there for him and do whatever he needed. Slowly I felt his breathing shift and his heart accelerate and my own breath caught when I felt him take my right hand and guide it to his crotch to rub over his prominent erection.
My heart hammered wildly as my hand slid back and forth over the outline of Edward's cock, his hips pressing into my hand in a demand for more friction. He let out a frustrated groan and I knew that he needed more direct contact. Before I could over analyze my actions and the potential consequences, I unbuttoned his 505s and slid my hand between the denim and the cotton fabric of his briefs, continuing to stroke his hot, turgid member, occasionally dipping my hand to caress his balls or using my thumb to trace the outline of his head. He kept his hips in motion, thrusting into my hand.
"More," he mumbled, "I need more . . ."
I tensed. This was the point of no return. Once I lowered his jeans and briefs there was no going back. He seemed to want me to continue, but was that only the alcohol induced haze, blinding him to the fact that he was with me and not Bella or some other woman? I couldn't be sure, but it was clear he was desperate for a release and was in no shape to take care of it himself. And hadn't I just told him that I would do anything for him? I sure as fuck didn't remember limiting the 'anything' to shit that didn't make me uncomfortable or didn't carry any personal risk.
My decision made, I withdrew my hand to reach behind me for the small tube of lube I'd used during my afternoon self-love session. While there were times I personally actually preferred to jack off without it and, out of necessity and urgency, Peter and I had frequently fucked each other's hands without using anything except maybe a bit of spit, I wouldn't take a chance on making the first and maybe only hand job I ever gave Edward even slightly uncomfortable by omitting the lubrication. I was just thankful that I hadn't bothered to put the tube away earlier so the shit was more readily available than normal.
While I was reaching, Edward had rolled over onto his stomach and was dry humping my bed in an effort to get relief. I had to smile at the sight. As drunk as he was, he was not going to get any sort of consistent movement that would yield the relief he so badly craved. Setting the tube on the bed next to me, I reached for him and inserted my thumbs into the waistband of his briefs at each hip. Timing my action to correspond with a lift of his hips in his humping rhythm, I pulled both his jeans and his briefs down to his mid-thigh, revealing his delectable ass. He was so beautiful, I couldn't help myself. I lowered my head and lightly kissed each cheek. I wanted to do so much more, but this wasn't the right time. If things went well, we'd ease into doing more as we went along. And if things didn't go well, the less I did tonight the better.
I opened the cap on the tube and squeezed a generous amount into my hand, taking a moment to let the fluid warm up before I started pleasuring Edward. Again adjusting my timing to that of his hip thrusts, I slid my left arm beneath his chest and my slicked up hand between the bed and his groin. I leveraged him up so that he was on his side again, resting his back against my chest.
"I can do that for you, Tiger. Let me help you feel good."
He moaned as I wrapped my hand around his cock in a tight hold and started moving it up and down his shaft. If Peter's reaction was anything to go by, I was actually pretty good at this, and I brought all of my skills to the table tonight. I alternated between slow, fluid strokes and quick forceful pumps to prolong the experience. On occasion I twisted my wrist. Sometimes I palmed his head. Other times I circled it with my thumb, caressing him gently, playing with his slit. Not wanting him to come too soon, I switched up my movements and speed quite a bit, knowing it was probably driving him crazy but would make the ultimate release that much more powerful.
"Do you like that, Tiger? Do you like it when I pump your cock? Do I make you wanna come?" I whispered in his ear, ensuring that my breath caressed the surface of the entrance to his ear canal. I slid my left hand beneath his T-shirt and moved it over his chest. I loved the sounds that were coming from him, the groans and moans that let me know exactly how much he was enjoying himself and how much closer he was getting to his climax.
"That's it, Tiger. Stop thinking. Just feel. Give in to the pleasure. Feel it building. Feel yourself getting closer and closer to the release."
Holding Edward's amazing hard cock in my hand was a fulfillment of so many fantasies, I was starting to feel the need for release as well, and it took all the self-restraint I had not to grind my denim-covered erection into his bare ass. I distracted myself by focusing all my attention on him, determined to give him the best fuckin' hand job of his life.
Taking my cues from his rate of breathing, I increased my stroke pace and stopped the variations. I knew he was ready and it was time to stop the teasing and concentrate on the hard fast strokes that would take him over the edge. I could feel muscle exhaustion setting into my arm, having been through this exercise three times already earlier in the day, but I ignored it and powered through, plunging my hand up and down his cock at a furious speed.
"Fuck, Fuck, I'm coming!" He cried as he arched his back, pressing himself tighter into my chest. I found and squeezed his nipple with the fingers of my left hand. Everything seemed to come to a stand-still for a millisecond and his cock tightened almost imperceptibly before it started to spasm, shooting stream after stream of cum across my comforter. I wished I had fuckin' remembered to take some precautions against the damn mess, but it was too late now, so I just continued to pump as Edward kept moaning and bucking, slower and slower, until he finally stilled completely and leaned back hard against my chest. I lowered my head to nuzzle gently at his neck. He turned his head and our lips came together in a soft, sweet kiss.
I released his now flaccid dick and started to get up, intending to get a towel to clean him and the bed, but he grabbed my hand tightly, not letting me move away.
"Stay right here. I need you, Jas," he slurred. "Please don't leave me. Never fuckin' leave me. Stay with me forever, Jas. Don't go."
I could barely breathe. I knew he was drunk, but on some level he must have meant these things, right? He needed me. He never wanted me to leave. The sweetest words I ever heard. Tears of joy welled up in my eyes and I choked back a sob. I pulled him close to me and whispered reassuringly.
"I'm not going anywhere, Edward. I'm staying right here. Go to sleep, Tiger. I'll be right here beside you when you wake up."
Slowly his breathing evened out and deepened, and he fell asleep in my arms, right where he belonged.
Chapter 4: Betrayal
I tried. I really tried. I searched the recesses of my brain for some damn bulletproof reason why living in an off campus apartment with Edward was a really bad idea, but I still came up empty. I was grasping at straws. I thought about transportation, but there was a bus stop a block away from the apartment that took me right to campus. The apartment actually offered more peace and quiet and privacy than the dorms, so that was a dead end. I was ready to give up. There just wasn't any good reason other than the truth, and that was not something I was able or willing to share.
Desperate for a distraction, my mind kept drifting until it took me back to my memories of those first weeks of the school year with Maggie.
Other than the rides to and from school and our minimal interaction at lunch, Maggie and I didn't hang out together at school. So it surprised me when that first Friday Maggie asked me what I was doing Saturday. I gave her an annoyed look, because she damn well knew I had no plans.
"I'll be playing at a charity reception in Seattle. It's a good gig – I get paid pretty well for a few hours of what for me is piano practice. I'm allowed to bring a guest. Wanna come? I know you're probably sick of hearing me play, but there are usually good appetizers and if you're lucky no one will think to card you and you can take advantage of the open bar."
I considered the offer. Going to some reception just to eat, drink and listen to Maggie play wasn't my idea of a fun night out, but it was better than sulking at home thinking of Edward. "Sounds all right." I told her.
"Good. I'll pick you up at 2:00 tomorrow. Wear a suit."
I grimaced. "Seriously?"
"Yeah. You'll need a suit to blend in and pass for over 21. You do have a suit, right?"
I confirmed that I had a suit and the following evening I was dressed in it, mingling with other guests at a fundraiser reception for some foundation or another, while Maggie played background music. As she predicted, no one questioned my age and I was well on my way to getting smashed on the finest booze the bar had to offer. I tried to pace myself a little, making sure I ate in between drinking, so that I wouldn't embarrass Maggie while she was working. I talked to Maggie during her breaks, but otherwise I was fuckin' bored, so as often as not I found myself, drink in hand, leaning against a back wall, people watching. Towards the end of the night I was fixed in the same spot when a guy came up and joined me in supporting the wall. I glanced over at him, noting how well he filled out his beautifully tailored suit.
"Not really your thing, is it?" he asked, sweeping the hand that was holding his drink across the reception room. I merely shrugged in response.
"You seem awfully lonely, standing here all by yourself. Interested in some company?"
I looked him over more carefully. He was in his early thirties, well-built and about my height, average looking with short sandy brown hair and golden brown eyes. In fact, other than his impressive body, the glint in his eyes was the only remarkable thing about him. His eyes held interest, an invitation, and a promise. I found myself swallowing hard and realized that my dick was getting hard as well. Was this guy propositioning me in the middle of a cocktail reception?
"I'm here with a friend," I said, my voice not nearly as confident as I'd wanted it to be.
"Then your friend hasn't been as attentive as he should be. If you were here with me I wouldn't have left you alone for a second, much less the whole night."
Shit! He was propositioning me! How the fuck did he know? Clearly this guy had been watching me for some time, so I desperately reviewed my actions in my head trying to figure out how I gave away the fact that I was gay. This was happening too often for my liking. Too many people were spotting my preferences. Pretty soon I would not be able to go out socially out of fear of slipping, especially since I couldn't think of a single queer thing I did to attract this guy's attention.
"My friend's been busy," I said, trying to throw him off track, "She's the piano player."
The guy looked in Maggie's direction and then back to me, a small smile playing across his lips. He turned and stepped towards me, so that his back shielded us from the rest of the guests.
"Well, then I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you and I slipped away for a few minutes. I saw a nice, dark, quiet coat room just down the hall that should give us plenty of privacy," his voice was husky as he moved his left hand to brush over my hard cock.
Fuck! I would have jumped back if I wasn't already standing right against the wall. Instead, I was forced to step to the side, just out of his reach. My mind was going a mile a minute. I had no idea how to respond. On the one hand, the guy had obviously turned me on, and my dick would have been pointing towards the coat room like a compass needle to guide my way if it had been less restrained. On the other hand, my only experiences so far had been with Peter, a friend whom I trusted completely. And even with him we'd only gone as far as blow jobs. I had no idea what gay men did during random hook-ups in coat rooms, and I was terrified that this guy would expect a hell of a lot more than I had to offer. I was too new to all this to take this giant leap, no matter what my cock brain was telling me.
Since he'd already felt my fuckin' erection, there was no point in denying the obvious, so I didn't even try to pass for straight. Instead, I went with the only excuse that came to mind. "I think she's just about done for the night." Thankfully, a wall clock told me I was right.
He followed my gaze to the clock and then looked back to me, his expression impossible to read. Suddenly he moved the hand holding his drink towards me.
"Hold that for me?"
I took it automatically, then felt vulnerable with both of my hands occupied. What if he decided to grope me again? I let out a breath in relief when I realized that he had no such intentions. I watched curiously as he reached into his inside breast pocket and pulled out a pen. He placed the cocktail napkin into the palm of his left hand and wrote something, I couldn't tell what. He put his pen away and reached to retrieve his glass, handing me the napkin in its place.
"It was nice to meet you . . ." he left the words hanging, obviously waiting for me to fill in my name.
"Jasper," I said, and immediately gave myself a mental kick. My name was unusual enough that I shouldn't be giving it out to random strangers, especially ones who suspected I was gay.
"Right," he said, "Jasper."
Fuck me! The way my name rolled off his tongue sounded so damn sexy!
"I'm James. Call me when you have some more time."
He turned around and walked away, leaving me standing with a dumbfounded expression, looking at the cocktail napkin in my hand with his name and number written in neat script.
"I'll be waiting," he threw over his shoulder with a smile and I looked around frantically, panicked that someone may have overheard. I sighed with relief when I saw that everyone was too busy with their own conversations to notice the exchange between us. I looked at the napkin again before placing it in my jacket pocket and draining the rest of my drink.
Back at home I took the napkin out of my pocket and programmed the phone number into my mobile. I held the napkin for a while, recalling his sexy voice and attractive body, then placed it at the back of my desk junk drawer. I was pretty sure I would never actually call James, but I was flattered that a guy like him would come on to me, and I couldn't quite force myself to throw the memento away.
For two more weeks my life followed a pattern. The only people I spoke to on the daily basis were my parents and sister, Maggie and my teachers. Once Eric shoved me hard against a locker at school and proceeded to insult my inability to make my own friends. He'd always been the most resentful of the close friendship between me and Edward, and I was sure he took the most pleasure when he heard that Edward ordered that I be shunned. I didn't bother to defend myself against his attack, and he soon grew bored and left me alone.
Even though Edward had not been anywhere near our hallway exchange, the next day Eric showed up sporting a rather impressively swollen and blackened eye, and he never said a word to me again. Eric's face served as a good reminder to everyone else that speaking to me was a bad idea, and no one other than Maggie had been willing to do it. I kept waiting for Edward to do something nasty to Maggie for daring to associate with me, but he never did.
Then, on Friday of the third week of school, I walked out to find both Maggie and Edward waiting for me in the driveway. Maggie was in her car. Edward was leaning against his Volvo.
"Enough, Jasper," he snapped at me. "I didn't spend eight damn years of my life grooming you so you could throw it all away on this loser bitch. You're such a pathetic disappointment. You would have done better being by yourself than lowering yourself to her level. But I think by now you've learned your lesson, so get the fuck in the car."
I looked from him to Maggie, noticing that her expression was a bit smug.
"Remember what I said a couple of weeks ago? You have a choice, Jasper," she said, and I was shocked to realize that I did. I could officially reject Edward and his mood swings and insults, somehow get through the last year of high school, and then get the hell away from all of this when I left for college. Or I could swallow my pride and turn my back on the girl who had been my friend and haven for the last three weeks, just to be close to the boy I loved, even if he would never love me back. It took me about three seconds before I started walking towards the Volvo. I kept my eyes down, unable to look Maggie in the face.
After that day she might as well have disappeared. For a while, despite Edward's directive to the contrary, I kept a lookout for her, hoping for a chance to explain and apologize. But we didn't have any classes together and she became as invisible as she had been before the start of the year. I never spoke with her again.
So here I was, three weeks before graduation, stuck home alone on a Friday night, still without any friends of my own, and without any hope of escaping Edward's influence after we left Forks. There was no doubt that my life was fucked up, and that the only thing that might bring me some comfort tonight was a physical release.
I wasn't about to jack off again. I'd already done it thrice and even a guy my age had a fuckin' limit. It was too late to go running or do anything outside and I also didn't feel like going to the basement and lifting the weights Jerry and I had amassed in our limited workout room. There was only one option left – dancing. Peter had told me all about the New York gay club scene and how much he enjoyed it, and even though he knew I'd never find anything equivalent in Forks, he was determined that I should practice on my own anyway, so that when he took me to the clubs this summer I wouldn't look like a complete novice. He even sent me a CD of club mixes prepared for me by one of his DJ friends. I hadn't done anything with it up to now, but tonight I was desperate, so I pushed it into the player, turned up the volume, and felt my body respond to the beats of the music. I was probably a lousy dancer, but there was no one here to see, and dancing got rid of some of my excess energy and cleared my brain.
After about fifteen minutes I slowly became aware of a steady thumping that was out of rhythm with the beat of the music. Confused, I turned down the volume on the stereo. The thumping continued. It was coming from downstairs. I stepped out into the hall and realized that, in addition to the thumping, someone was yelling out my name.
"Jasper! Jasper, goddamnit, I know you're up there! Open the fucking door! Jasper!"
I flew down the stairs the instant I recognized Edward's voice. What the fuck was going on? I'd never heard Edward so distraught, so . . . desperate.
I unlocked and flung the door open as he was mid-knock, the forward momentum of his fist meeting nothing but air making him stumble, his shoulder slamming into my chest. All the air left my lungs in a single "whoosh" as I was forced to step back, nearly falling. Edward was a solid wall of muscle and I had been unprepared for the weight. Somehow I managed to keep my balance, bracing him with my hands on his shoulders.
"Edward? What the fuck?"
He looked at me with crazed eyes. I saw that the left side of his face was swollen and starting to bruise.
"The fucking bitch! I saw them, Jasper, I saw them."
Shit! This didn't sound good at all, not at all. I figured the bitch he referred to was Bella -- the first time he described her accurately, as far as I was concerned – but I had no idea who the other person or persons were and what Edward could have seen "them" doing. Whatever it was, it had sent him into a tailspin.
Edward came in without waiting for an invitation. He was carrying a bottle of vodka and I saw that half of it had already been drained. He stumbled, tripped over his own feet and would have plowed head first into the stairs if I hadn't managed to grab the back of his jacket to keep him upright. Fuck! I felt like a goddamn act at the Cirque du Soleil. Still holing onto his jacket with one hand, I guided him to turn around with the other and sat him down on the stairs, leaning him again the railing for support.
"Wait here, I'll be right back," I told him. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bag of frozen corn, wrapping it with a clean dish towel. I brought it back to Edward and handed it to him, instructing him to hold the bag against his face. I pulled him back to his feet, slung his arm over my shoulder and helped him make his way up the stairs to my room. I was glad my parents were away for the weekend. I had a feeling it was going to be a long night.
When we got to my room I closed the door behind me and turned to him.
"What happened, Edward?" I asked quietly, hoping my soothing voice would help to calm him down. "What did you see?"
He tossed the bottle and corn onto my bed and sat down on the edge, burying his face in his hands. "Bella," he said, his voice breaking, "I saw Bella."
"You saw Bella doing what?" I reached for the corn and brought it to his face, taking his hand and using it to press the cold bag against the swelling. I hated pushing him to talk, but I had to know what I was dealing with.
"She didn't wanna go out tonight, claimed to have another fucking report due, so I went over to Tyler's house to hang out with the guys. We watched a movie, played pool, had some shots. You know, just hanging out. I called you to come out, but you didn't answer, and I got bored. And I fucking missed her, man. We hadn't fucked in a while and I was ready for a little action. So I thought I'd surprise her. I figured she'd be done with the fucking report already and we could, you know, mess around. I even drove by the police station to make sure her dad was on duty, so the coast at her house would be clear.
"When I got there I took out the spare key they keep by the door and let myself in, figuring I'd crawl into her bed and make her come before she even woke up, you know? But when I got up the stairs and to her room, I heard these noises, these rutting noises," he said the last two words with utter disgust.
"I opened the door and I saw them, right on the bed. She was on her fucking hands and knees and he was pumping her doggie style," he choked out.
I couldn't hold back my shocked gasp. "Who was it?"
"That motherfucker Jacob Black. The fucking mongrel! A sophomore, for fuck's sake!"
I ran my hand through my hair. I knew the kid he was talking about. Jacob was large for his age, larger than Edward, and good looking in a raw, unpolished kind of way. No comparison to Edward, of course, but I could see girls being attracted to him. But Bella? A fucking senior who was lucky enough to have snagged Edward Cullen? She was definitely slummin' with Black.
This was so much worse than I expected. Fuck! What the hell was I supposed to do in this situation? There was one crucial piece of information I was still missing.
"What happened, Edward? What did you do when you found them?"
"What do you think I did, Jasper? I kicked the living shit out of him. Let me tell you, that fucker ain't gonna be smiling or siring children for a while. He tried to put up a fight thinking he was bigger than me, but he fucking underestimated Edward Cullen if he thought he could fuck my girlfriend and get away with it. I showed him that size wasn't the only thing that mattered. I made sure he suffered and then I threw him the hell out of her house buck naked and let him figure out how to get the fuck home."
I groaned. This was bad. Fortunately, Black was a sophomore without a lot of senior friends, so we didn't have to worry about retaliation. Even more fortunately, Bella's father being the chief of police meant that Black would not be pressing any charges – he'd have a hard time explaining the circumstances of the assault. Still, Edward's violence wouldn't be doing him any good either. Black's face would undoubtedly be great fodder for gossip.
"What about Bella? You didn't . . . ?" I said a silent prayer that he hadn't done her any harm. Not that I gave a shit about her, but with her dad being who he was, there was no way anyone would be able to smooth things over if Edward had smacked her around.
"No, man. I didn't fucking touch her. She's a lying, cheating cunt, but she's still a girl. I would never . . ."
I let out my breath in relief. "All right. So now what?"
"It's over," he said quietly. "I can't be with her now, after what I'd seen, even if she wanted me, which she doesn't."
"What?" I was incredulous. "She told you she doesn't want you?"
Suddenly Edward was incensed again. He stood up, tossed the bag of corn to the floor and started pacing the room unsteadily.
"Do you know what she told me? That fucking bitch! She said she didn't wanna be with someone who wasn't man enough to come in her snatch. Like that's some kind of a measurement of manhood? Fuck!
"So I don't like to come in pussy. So what? It's not like I don't have a good fuckin' reason. I don't wanna wear a goddamn condom when I fuck and the last thing I need is to have a bunch of little Cullens running around. And sure, Bella swears she's on the pill, but that shit fails sometimes and what if she forgets to take a pill one day? Fuck! I've filled her ass plenty of times and she's swallowed a tanker full of my cum, so who gives a shit if I deposit my swimmers in her cunt? That bitch!"
He was over by the bed now, so he grabbed the vodka, screwed off the top and took several long swigs before handing me the bottle. I took a quick swallow and set the bottle aside.
"So now she's decided to fuck this underclass prick just because he fills her with his jizz after he drills her? Fuck her!" He sounded disgusted, but I heard the undertone of despair and self-doubt in his voice.
Then he was crazed again. He walked up to me, grabbed the front of my shirt and shook me violently.
"She fucking left me, Jasper!" he screamed. "Left me for that asshole mutt! No! She didn't even have the fucking guts to leave me. I just had to find them screwing in the same fucking bed where she screamed my goddamn name . . ." He collapsed into me, his head falling to my shoulder. I put my arms around him in a tight embrace. He was killing me with his reaction, breaking my heart, and he didn't even know it.
His shoulders started to shake and I felt wetness on my shirt. He was crying, weeping. I pulled back to look at his face. His eyes, already bloodshot from the alcohol, were rimmed with tears. I brought one of my hands to his face and wiped away the tears with my thumb.
"Jesus, Edward," I said, my voice firm but soothing. "She's not fuckin' worth it. You've already spent too much time and energy on the ungrateful slut. You're Edward fuckin' Cullen. All you have to do is wag your finger and everyone comes running. You can have anyone you want."
Including me, I thought. Especially me! If only he felt about me the way I felt about him.
He didn't respond, so I knew I had to continue.
"She was the luckiest fuckin' bitch in the whole school to have you and she didn't even appreciate it. But she'll find out. She'll find out what a nothing she is when she's not on your fuckin' arm. Say the word and she'll be such a fuckin' social pariah not even Jacob Black will want to fuck her." I knew firsthand I wasn't exaggerating.
He whimpered. God, how I hated that bitch for reducing my wonderful, strong Edward to this. I knew I would have to avenge him somehow. I would have to make sure the rest of her fuckin' life in Forks was going to be as miserable for her as this night was for him.
"You don't understand, Jas," he choked out. "You're so fucking strong and independent. You don't need anyone. How the fuck do you do that?"
I was shocked. Edward actually thought I was strong? I leaned back to look into his eyes again.
"Edward, what the fuck are you talking about? You've been protecting me and taking care of me from the moment we met. You're the fuckin' strong one! The strongest person I know."
He smiled a little at that. Just a small ray of sunshine on an otherwise storm-ravaged face. And in an instant his face clouded over again.
"I don't know, Jas. You're just always so fucking comfortable with yourself. You don't care what anyone thinks. You don't need to be with people. Like tonight. You didn't need to be with the guys. You're just here, by yourself, and you're fucking happy. And I can't do that. I had to go to Tyler's and then I had to go over to Bella's . . . I fucking always need to be the center of attention, to have everyone's approval. I always need everyone to love me. I thought Bella loved me and now . . . now I'm all alone," he started to cry again.
I could hear through the slurring of his words that a lot of this was the booze talking. Once he sobered up he'd be fine. He probably wouldn't even remember this. But tonight he was so fuckin' distraught. I couldn't just stand by and do nothing. I ran my fingers though his hair.
"It's OK, Edward. Of course you're not alone. I'm here. I'll always be here for you. I love you." The instant the words came out I wanted to yank them back. I've imagined telling Edward I loved him so many times, but not like this! Not when he was drunk out of his mind after he had just had his heart broken by that callous slut of a girlfriend. Not when he showed absolutely no inclination to reciprocate that love. Only I did say it and there was no taking it back, and now I just had to go with it and suffer the consequences.
He looked at me with confusion in his eyes. "You're always there for me, Jas." It was a statement more than a question.
I nodded. "I am, Edward. You know I'd do anything to make you feel better."
His eyes darkened.
"Anything, Jas?" he asked. A tiny shiver of fear went through me at the tone of his question, but I was already committed.
"Anything," I confirmed, my voice surprisingly strong.
"And you love me?"
"I do." I quieted again, terrified of where he was going with this line of questions.
"Will you show me? Show me you love me?"
I stared at him. I had no idea what he meant. What the fuck was he asking me to do?
"I need. . ." his voice cracked. "I need to know. I need you to show me."
Jesus Christ! Was he really asking what I thought he was asking? And if I responded, what would happen next? Did I actually dare to do this? Was I ready to risk everything falling apart?
I wasn't sure of anything, but he was standing there, looking at me with hope, expectation and desperation, so I did the first thing I thought of. I lowered my head to his and covered his lips with mine. I started with barely a peck, not knowing what kind of reaction to expect. I just brushed my lips against his surprisingly soft ones and lifted my head, looking at him with unspoken questions in my eyes.
His eyes were wide with shock, but also dark with desire. He gripped my shirt again, but this time he pulled me closer and moved in to kiss me. His wasn't a soft, exploratory kiss. His lips crushed mine with a fierce determination and moved over mine forcefully. He moved one of his hands to the back of my head and held me to him, as if afraid that I was going to break our connection.
He opened his mouth, his tongue tracing my lips and then pressing between them, demanding entry, which I eagerly granted. I could smell and taste the alcohol on his breath, preventing me from identifying his unique flavor, but I didn't care. This was the moment I had been dreaming about for so long, I wasn't going to let small imperfections get in the way of my utter bliss. My hands roamed his back as I moaned my pleasure into his mouth.
I gave him complete control. Whatever he wanted, whatever he needed he could take from me and I gave it willingly with no reservations. It didn't matter that he was kissing and sucking my lips with such force that they would certainly be swollen and bruised. And it didn't matter that his kisses had more anger and fury behind them than love and tenderness. I was in the position to give him what he needed, and in return, even if for just a few precious minutes, I got Edward. My Edward. No matter what happened later, for this moment he was all mine!
I groaned in disappointment when I felt his lips shift away from mine, the sighed in relief when I realized that he was simply kissing his way across my face down to my neck. He settled on a spot right above my left collar bone and started to suck, gently at first and then with more and more force until I actually felt pain as he pulled my skin deeply between his teeth. I almost broke away when an epiphany struck and a thrilling shiver rolled through my entire body as I realized that he was fuckin' marking me! The pain became secondary as I thought about being able to look in the mirror and see the physical evidence of this night for many days to come.
A few moments later, when I was certain that the mark would show and would not quickly fade away, I slowly pulled him off me.
"Easy, Tiger," I murmured. "No need to resort to cannibalism. That mark should be nearly fuckin' permanent by now."
He looked straight into my eyes, then down to my neck, and then he began to cry again.
No! No, no, no, no, no! This was not supposed to happen. He was not supposed to cry after that kiss. I had to do something to make him feel good again.
I sat down on the edge of my bed, pulling him down with me, then pushed him gently to lie back. I lay by his side and pulled him to me so that his back was pressed to my chest with my arms wrapped tightly around him. My lips were next to his ear and I whispered words intended to calm and reassure him. I told him it was all going to be all right, that he was never alone as long as I was with him, that I would always love him and be there for him and do whatever he needed. Slowly I felt his breathing shift and his heart accelerate and my own breath caught when I felt him take my right hand and guide it to his crotch to rub over his prominent erection.
My heart hammered wildly as my hand slid back and forth over the outline of Edward's cock, his hips pressing into my hand in a demand for more friction. He let out a frustrated groan and I knew that he needed more direct contact. Before I could over analyze my actions and the potential consequences, I unbuttoned his 505s and slid my hand between the denim and the cotton fabric of his briefs, continuing to stroke his hot, turgid member, occasionally dipping my hand to caress his balls or using my thumb to trace the outline of his head. He kept his hips in motion, thrusting into my hand.
"More," he mumbled, "I need more . . ."
I tensed. This was the point of no return. Once I lowered his jeans and briefs there was no going back. He seemed to want me to continue, but was that only the alcohol induced haze, blinding him to the fact that he was with me and not Bella or some other woman? I couldn't be sure, but it was clear he was desperate for a release and was in no shape to take care of it himself. And hadn't I just told him that I would do anything for him? I sure as fuck didn't remember limiting the 'anything' to shit that didn't make me uncomfortable or didn't carry any personal risk.
My decision made, I withdrew my hand to reach behind me for the small tube of lube I'd used during my afternoon self-love session. While there were times I personally actually preferred to jack off without it and, out of necessity and urgency, Peter and I had frequently fucked each other's hands without using anything except maybe a bit of spit, I wouldn't take a chance on making the first and maybe only hand job I ever gave Edward even slightly uncomfortable by omitting the lubrication. I was just thankful that I hadn't bothered to put the tube away earlier so the shit was more readily available than normal.
While I was reaching, Edward had rolled over onto his stomach and was dry humping my bed in an effort to get relief. I had to smile at the sight. As drunk as he was, he was not going to get any sort of consistent movement that would yield the relief he so badly craved. Setting the tube on the bed next to me, I reached for him and inserted my thumbs into the waistband of his briefs at each hip. Timing my action to correspond with a lift of his hips in his humping rhythm, I pulled both his jeans and his briefs down to his mid-thigh, revealing his delectable ass. He was so beautiful, I couldn't help myself. I lowered my head and lightly kissed each cheek. I wanted to do so much more, but this wasn't the right time. If things went well, we'd ease into doing more as we went along. And if things didn't go well, the less I did tonight the better.
I opened the cap on the tube and squeezed a generous amount into my hand, taking a moment to let the fluid warm up before I started pleasuring Edward. Again adjusting my timing to that of his hip thrusts, I slid my left arm beneath his chest and my slicked up hand between the bed and his groin. I leveraged him up so that he was on his side again, resting his back against my chest.
"I can do that for you, Tiger. Let me help you feel good."
He moaned as I wrapped my hand around his cock in a tight hold and started moving it up and down his shaft. If Peter's reaction was anything to go by, I was actually pretty good at this, and I brought all of my skills to the table tonight. I alternated between slow, fluid strokes and quick forceful pumps to prolong the experience. On occasion I twisted my wrist. Sometimes I palmed his head. Other times I circled it with my thumb, caressing him gently, playing with his slit. Not wanting him to come too soon, I switched up my movements and speed quite a bit, knowing it was probably driving him crazy but would make the ultimate release that much more powerful.
"Do you like that, Tiger? Do you like it when I pump your cock? Do I make you wanna come?" I whispered in his ear, ensuring that my breath caressed the surface of the entrance to his ear canal. I slid my left hand beneath his T-shirt and moved it over his chest. I loved the sounds that were coming from him, the groans and moans that let me know exactly how much he was enjoying himself and how much closer he was getting to his climax.
"That's it, Tiger. Stop thinking. Just feel. Give in to the pleasure. Feel it building. Feel yourself getting closer and closer to the release."
Holding Edward's amazing hard cock in my hand was a fulfillment of so many fantasies, I was starting to feel the need for release as well, and it took all the self-restraint I had not to grind my denim-covered erection into his bare ass. I distracted myself by focusing all my attention on him, determined to give him the best fuckin' hand job of his life.
Taking my cues from his rate of breathing, I increased my stroke pace and stopped the variations. I knew he was ready and it was time to stop the teasing and concentrate on the hard fast strokes that would take him over the edge. I could feel muscle exhaustion setting into my arm, having been through this exercise three times already earlier in the day, but I ignored it and powered through, plunging my hand up and down his cock at a furious speed.
"Fuck, Fuck, I'm coming!" He cried as he arched his back, pressing himself tighter into my chest. I found and squeezed his nipple with the fingers of my left hand. Everything seemed to come to a stand-still for a millisecond and his cock tightened almost imperceptibly before it started to spasm, shooting stream after stream of cum across my comforter. I wished I had fuckin' remembered to take some precautions against the damn mess, but it was too late now, so I just continued to pump as Edward kept moaning and bucking, slower and slower, until he finally stilled completely and leaned back hard against my chest. I lowered my head to nuzzle gently at his neck. He turned his head and our lips came together in a soft, sweet kiss.
I released his now flaccid dick and started to get up, intending to get a towel to clean him and the bed, but he grabbed my hand tightly, not letting me move away.
"Stay right here. I need you, Jas," he slurred. "Please don't leave me. Never fuckin' leave me. Stay with me forever, Jas. Don't go."
I could barely breathe. I knew he was drunk, but on some level he must have meant these things, right? He needed me. He never wanted me to leave. The sweetest words I ever heard. Tears of joy welled up in my eyes and I choked back a sob. I pulled him close to me and whispered reassuringly.
"I'm not going anywhere, Edward. I'm staying right here. Go to sleep, Tiger. I'll be right here beside you when you wake up."
Slowly his breathing evened out and deepened, and he fell asleep in my arms, right where he belonged.
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