Chapter 14

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Chapter 14: Restraint

The dining room was set perfectly. Still, I nervously adjusted the silverware, straightening and evenly spacing all utensils. Finally satisfied that everything was ready, I went to the kitchen and peered into the warming drawer. The food looked great. Monica had outdone herself on the pork chops, the rice pilaf and steamed vegetables. He was going to love it.

I looked at the clock and realized that he would arrive in the next ten minutes. I grabbed the wine out of the fridge, placed it in the ready cooler and brought the cooler to the dining room. I uncorked the wine to let it breathe. One last glance around the room and I headed to the foyer.

I took a quick look in the mirror, happy with the way I looked in the shorter haircut he chose the other week. It was strange not to have my longer waves to pull my hand through when I was nervous, but I had to admit I liked the way the new cut exposed my face. I also deliberately chose his favorites when I was getting dressed for dinner today, a steel blue, cashmere, long-sleeved, V-neck sweater and gray cotton slacks. I was going to ask him for a big favor, and I though looking nice would put him in a better mood.

I heard the elevator bell ring and headed to the door, unlocking the deadbolt and opening it just in time to see him walk up. I backed up against the wall to let him in and shut and locked the door as he put down his briefcase. I turned and walked up to him, raising my arms to wrap them around his neck, leaning in for a kiss. He pulled me to him with one arm wrapped around my waist and pressed his strong lips against mine, sucking my lower lip between his and thrusting his tongue into my waiting mouth. I moaned, letting myself get lost in the kiss. He continued kissing me slowly and deliberately, his free hand reaching down between us to palm my hard, aching cock.

"Absolutely perfect," He said as he broke the kiss. "I love coming home and having you here, hard and waiting for me. How are you, Honey?"

"Better now that you're here," I replied, smiling. "How was your day?"

He grimaced and I wished I hadn't asked. I really needed him in a good mood tonight, in the right frame of mind to answer my question.

"Problems with some overseas shipments, but nothing I couldn't handle."

"Of course not," I agreed. "Come on, let me get you a drink. It'll help you relax."

I took his hand and led him to the living room, indicating he should sit in the arm chair. I walked to the bar and poured him a glass of his favorite scotch. I brought it over, handing it to him as I climbed into his lap and curled myself against him, loosening his tie and shirt collar so I could nuzzle against his neck. He drained the liquid in a couple of swallows, set the glass aside, threw his head back and sighed.

"This is just what I needed, Honey," he said, rubbing circles on my back.

I smiled, happy and relieved to see him content, the work problems seemingly forgotten. After a month of living together I was getting near perfect at sensing his moods and providing exactly what he needed.

"I'm so glad. It's wonderful to see you happy and relaxed. I love you, James."

I rested in his lap, curled up against him, my left hand roaming his chest, still not quite believing how quickly things happened between us.

Not wanting to waste any time, James arranged for a local moving company to pick up my stuff and deliver it to his place the Tuesday after we came back from the lodge. James wasn't crazy about spending Monday evening apart, but I insisted that I needed to talk to Seth and Emmett about moving out by myself and, eventually, he relented. It was a good thing, too, because while I expected the guys to be skeptical, I didn't guess just how strongly they would voice their objections.

"Have you lost your fucking mind?" Seth screeched at me.

"Seth," Emmett tried to calm him, but I could tell his heart wasn't really in it.

"No, Emmy. He needs to hear this. He's behaving like an idiot. I've never heard anything so ridiculous in all my life," he turned to me again. "You've known this guy for what, three weeks? And you're moving in together? What the hell are you thinking?"

I was so taken aback I didn't know how to respond. I looked to Emmett for help, but he just shook his head.

"Sorry, Jasper, but I agree with Seth on this one. Why are you in such a rush? Why is he? It hasn't even been a month. Don't tell me that after a lifetime apart suddenly you two can't live without each other."

"Come on, guys," I pleaded. I didn't understand why they were being so negative about this. "I thought you wanted me to find someone. And now that I have you're trying to tell me there's something wrong with it? Are you just angry that I found someone on my own instead of one of the guys you tried to set me up with?"

Seth threw his hands up dramatically.

"You know what, Jasper? I can't believe you even had the balls to say that to us. If you honestly think we are that fucking shallow and petty, then maybe it's good you're moving out. To think I actually used to feel sorry for you when I saw you with that asshole ex-roommate of yours, doing his bidding like a fucking lap dog. Now I wonder if maybe I should apologize to him, because maybe he was just doing what you wanted him to. Maybe the only way you can be happy is if your focus is exclusively on someone else."

"Seth," Emmett said, a little more forcefully. "That's not helpful."

"Fuck helpful, Em. He doesn't want to be helped. He's a lost cause. Why are we even trying? He's clearly shown he doesn't give a shit about what we think."

I resented being talked about like I wasn't even there. But even more, I hated the cold indifference in Seth's tone. I'd thought our friendship was deeper than that.

"Why exactly should I care about what you think when you so clearly don't give a shit about what I'm feeling, Seth?" I challenged. "Why can't you see that James makes me happy and why can't you be happy for me?"

"Jesus, Jasper. Could you be more self-absorbed and blind? I do want you to be happy, but not at the expense of everything else. And frankly, even though I know you don't see it, something about this situation doesn't feel right. No one's telling you to stop seeing James. But why do you have to turn your world upside down for him?"

"Screw you, Seth. In case you haven't noticed, my world was already upside down. I'm sleeping in your living room because my best fuckin' friend, the love of my life, couldn't handle the fact I was gay. You of all people should know how that made me feel. And now I've met someone who isn't ashamed of me. On the contrary, he's proud to be with me and he cares about me and he wants me with him. Why shouldn't I enjoy that? And why can't you just accept it? Why do you assume that everything isn't what it appears? Is there something wrong with me? Don't you think I'm worthy of what James feels for me? Or are you just jealous that I managed to find him before you did?"

I heard Emmett's gasp, saw Seth's eyes narrow into slits and instantly regretted allowing myself to run off at the mouth like that. I hadn't meant to make things so personal with Seth, and I really didn't mean the last part. I wished I could take it all back and start again.

"Seth," I started saying, but he cut me off.

"Fuck you, Jasper. I can't fucking believe I canceled my date tonight for this. If you want to leave, then just leave, and don't wait until tomorrow, either. I'll be damned if I'm going to ask you to stay. Clearly my judgment has been off and I've been wrong about many things. Thanks for setting me straight. I'm done here. I have more productive things to do with my time."

He turned around and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. I looked to Emmett helplessly, but he wasn't looking at me. Instead, he was heading out the door to follow Seth. He didn't slam the door, but the finality of the clicking latch was just as loud in my brain. I sat down on the sofa and buried my face in my hands. I hadn't anticipated this reaction. I didn't realize that the choice to move in with James would cost me my best friends. I was simultaneously crushed and pissed. I didn't want Seth and Em to be mad at me, but I didn't think I deserved that reaction, either. I still didn't understand why they couldn't see what was happening between me and James as a good thing.

I head the door open and looked up hopefully. It was Emmett, and he was alone. I didn't know how to feel about this. My friendship with Emmett had always been stronger than that with Seth, but the bond between the two of them was very strong as well. As much as I appreciated Emmett coming back, I didn't want to get between them.

Em headed to the fridge, pulled out a couple of beer bottles and came to sit by me on the sofa, handing me one of the bottles. We twisted off the tops and both pulled long swallows before either one of us spoke.

"I'm sorry, Em," I said. "I didn't mean the things I said to Seth. He just got me so angry."

"He'll get over it, eventually," Emmett said. "But what you said was really uncalled for and you need to apologize to him. He deserves that from you."

"I will," I assured him. "The first chance I get. And I want to apologize to you too. I'm sorry for what I said and I'm sorry if I put you in the middle."

He took another long pull on the bottle.

"It's all right, Jas. I understand what's driving you. Seth does too, believe it or not. He just has very high expectations."

Wait, what? What the hell did that mean? Did that mean that Emmett also thought I was wrong but he could handle it because he had expected me to do the wrong thing? What the fuck?

I started to confront him about his statement, then quickly remembered what happened a moment ago when I wasn't self-censoring. I would file this question away to ask some time down the road. I had rocked too many boats tonight as it was. At least Emmett came back and was willing to sit in the same room with me and talk to me. I needed to focus on that and to show my gratitude. He easily could have sided with Seth.

We sat for a while in silence, drinking, until Em drained his bottle and set it on the coffee table. He sighed.

"Jasper, would you please consider postponing this move? I know Seth and I would feel a lot better if you just gave this a little more time. It's all new to you right now, and very exciting. I get that. But you may not be thinking clearly enough. This may not be the right time to make these kinds of decisions."

"Why not, Em? Where is it written that in a relationship two people have to spend the most exciting time apart? Besides, I'm practically living with him anyway, as much time as I've been spending over there."

"Well, Jasper, you already know how Seth and I feel about that."

"I know. But I don't understand why? You've met him. You saw he's a great guy. He does so much for me. And he thought this would be good for you guys too. You don't have to have me as a freeloader here."

"Jas, we like having you here. I thought you understood that. We thought you liked living with us too."

He sounded hurt, and for the first time I understood just how selfish I had been. For the past three weeks I'd basically abandoned them. They opened up their home to me and I had treated it like a storage locker, not even bothering to sleep here. I'd repaid all the time Emmett had spent with me by pulling a complete and total disappearing act as soon as I met up with James. Jesus, I was a dick! And the saddest part was, I knew I wouldn't stop.

"Emmy," I said, feeling a little strange, like I didn't have the right to use the endearment. "I'm so sorry I've been so thoughtless. I can't really explain it, but I just get so . . . so wrapped up in him. He just fascinates me. I love talking to him. I love the other stuff too . . . And he is right there with me and wants to spend all his time with me and do all these things with me. I love you guys, I really do, and I value your friendship, but I also can't give up that time with James right now. I'm not capable. I hate being away from him. Even tonight I miss him and I hate that he's upset because we're not together."

"It's not healthy, Jasper," Em said. "Are you even listening to yourself? It's not normal. It's like you're under some spell. The person you're with should be an addition to your life, not a replacement of it."

I thought about this for a moment. He was right. But this was just a short-term thing, just while James and I were in the beginning stages of our relationship.

"It won't be like that forever, Emmett," I said quietly. "It's like you said, new and exciting right now. Eventually James and I will know everything there is to know about each other and we won't mind spending time apart or with other people. And I understand that it's not fair to me to ask you to wait for that, so if you feel the same way Seth does and don't want to be friends anymore, I get that. I'm sorry about it and it's not my preference, because I still love you guys, but I do get it. Still, all those years I wasted yearning for Edward, it was always all about him, and now I just need to do something for me. And I hope you guys understand, but even if you can't give me that, well . . ."

Em looked at me for a long time. Then he looked away and silence stretched uncomfortably between us. The longer he went without speaking, the further the loss I felt inside spread, until I just wanted to crawl inside myself and disappear. Finally, when I didn't think I could stand another second, he turned back to me.

"My friendship isn't conditional on you never making mistakes or doing what I think you should do. I wish you would reconsider, but I do want you to be happy. So if you have to do this now for yourself, I will still be there for you down the road. Remember that, Jas. I'll always be there when you need me."

My chest felt tight. A torrent of emotions went through me. Emmett was such a beautiful soul. How could I ever repay him for the unconditional friendship he just offered? I threw my arms around him and hugged him fiercely, hoping my body could convey what I couldn't put into words. Em hugged me back.

"Are you going back to his place or staying the night?" He asked.

"I'm staying here," I said instantly. I knew this was the right thing to do. "Will you sleep out here with me tonight?"

We slept together with me tucked into Em's chest and body, both completely clothed, exchanging no inappropriate intimacies. It was just our way to say farewell for a while.

Seth came home sometime in the early morning. I caught his eye in the dim light coming through the barely open bathroom door and lifted the covers in silent invitation. He changed for bed and crawled in, allowing me to pull him in close to me.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I didn't mean any of it. Please forgive me." He didn't respond, except to squeeze my hand.

After I moved in with James, things changed a little. James explained that he had been neglecting networking events that were essential to his business, and requested that we start attending those together. He had already ordered more suits for me, and we began what seemed like an endless cycle of charity receptions, operas, symphony concerts and other similar events. As he'd promised so many months ago, James never let me out of his sight at these events, preferring for me to stay by his side throughout, holding my hand or wrapping his arm around my waist. At first I was immensely flattered and impressed that he was so open about our relationship and that he actually wanted me to stay with him, but eventuality the near constant stream of events became tiresome, as did the business conversations, and I just wished we had a few more evenings to ourselves like we had when we first started dating. That's why I really appreciated nights like this.

"Are you hungry, Sweetheart? I asked him. "Monica made a wonderful meal for us." Monica was James' housekeeper who, on the evenings when we decided to eat in, doubled as his cook.

He leaned over and caught my lips in a hard, passionate kiss, his tongue invading and exploring my mouth.

"I can wait to eat until my other hunger is satisfied," he said.

I knew what he wanted and I worked hard to hide my disappointment. I'd hoped we could proceed right to the meal so I could speak with him, but it looked as though that would have to wait a bit longer. I slid to the floor and knelt before him, quickly unbuckling, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, James lifting his hips off the chair so I could pull down his pants and boxer briefs. He was already hard, so I reached down to take him in my mouth and proceeded to use my lips, tongue and teeth to bring him to the edge of orgasm. When he was ready, he stilled my head with his hands and indicated it was time for me to prepare. I took a packet of lube and condoms from my pants pocket, tearing open one of the condom packets and slipping the latex sleeve over his hard length. James always liked us to wear condoms for pre-dinner sex to minimize the mess. I took off my own pants and boxers, and climbed into the chair over him, so that my legs straddled the arms and my ass was wide open for him just above his shaft. I ripped open a packet of lube and used it to coat his condom-clad cock and my fingers, which I promptly used to prepare myself for his entry. He stroked me as I did this until I was hard enough to slip on my condom. With the preparations finally completed, I slowly lowered myself onto his waiting shaft.

He purred appreciatively as he filled me and held steady for a time without moving. Then he grasped my hips to hold me stationary as he began to buck his hips beneath me, thrusting his dick in and out of my ass. I placed my left hand on his chest to brace myself as I stroked myself with my right. I wished I could have thrown my head back and closed my eyes to relish the sensation of cock plunging into me, but instead I kept my eyes open and trained on him, the way he preferred, as I focused on doing what I could to compensate for the loss of sensation caused by the condom. I felt James' bucking increase in speed and I doubled the speed of my own strokes, knowing how unhappy he'd be if he reached his orgasm before I came. James sped up again and I became frantic, doing everything I could think of to bring myself pleasure without closing my eyes. With the greatest effort, I finally felt that familiar clenching sensation and filled the condom with my ejaculate. James growled, dug his fingers painfully into my hips and almost simultaneously thrust into me hard, his cock shooting his seed into the condom inside me. He continued to thrust and I kept stroking as I collapsed against his chest, both of us panting heavily.

After a little while to let our heart rates and breathing slow down, I slipped off him and removed both of our condoms. I licked the remains of cum from his cock, hating the smell and aftertaste of latex but knowing he would want to be completely clean before re-dressing. I walked to the bathroom to dispose of the condoms and clean myself off before returning to replace first his clothing and then my own.

"Come here," James said when I was done, pointing to his lap. A tiny shiver of trepidation went through me, wondering what he had in mind before I climbed back into his lap.

"You seemed to have a little trouble coming just now, Honey," he said as he stroked my dick through my pants. "You haven't been misbehaving while I was at work, have you?"

Almost from the moment I moved in, James he had made very clear he did not want me to masturbate except in his presence or if we were on the phone while he was traveling on business.

"No, Sweetheart," I shook my head vehemently, "Of course not. I must just be tired. We had a late night last night."

"Hmmm. . . " he seemed contemplative, "I believe you, Jasper. But I still think you need to do better," he unbuttoned my slacks and slipped his hand into my boxers, continuing to stroke my cock masterfully. I moaned as I started to harden again.

"How about we play a little game tonight, Jasper? I love how hard you are right now. I want you just this hard in our bed tonight and every time I touch you throughout the evening. You can stroke yourself as needed, but you can't come or go soft. Do you understand?"

I whimpered in frustration at the thought, but nodded.

"Good," he said, stroking me a few more times and then withdrawing his hand. "Now, let's eat."

I re-buttoned my pants and went to the kitchen to retrieve the plates from the warming drawer. I brought the dishes to the dining room, placing one in front of James, who was already sitting at the head of the table, and the other at the seat opposite him. I went to the buffet to grab the chilled wine and returned to the table, James stroking me again as I poured the wine into his glass.

"You're so damned sexy, Jasper. And your cock, even hidden beneath all that clothing, is so fucking hard and beautiful. Move your seat over here so I can see and touch you better."

I was surprised at the request. Usually when we ate at home James liked to look at me across the table. I didn't argue, though. I simply shifted my place setting to the seat on his left, making sure I would be sitting within his arm's reach.

"Do you need anything else, James?" I asked, waiting for him to shake his head before I sat down to eat. We ate slowly, James telling me about his day and about the various evening events we would be attending over the coming week. I did my best to smile and not let him know how disappointed I was that this would be our last evening alone for quite a few days. It's not that he minded my wanting to be alone with him. More that he disliked my failure to understand why he needed to attend all the events in order to maintain his success. It seemed to me that he already knew everyone and was successful enough to be able to skip some of these galas. But when I mentioned that to him one evening on the way home from a particularly boring soiree, he'd gotten very angry, enough for me to realize I should not bring the subject up again.

As awkward as it was for me to eat the meal with a constant erection, I knew James was pleased that I'd remained hard for him, a fact he monitored by periodically reaching over to stroke me. This was a good thing, because he had to be in a good mood for my plan to have any chance of success. I waited until the meal was almost over and James had had a couple of glasses of wine, to put my plan in action.

"Sweetheart," I started carefully, "Can I ask you a question?"

He smiled at me indulgently. "Of course, Honey. You can always ask me anything, you know that."

I supposed this was true, although I knew sometimes my questions would cause his temper to flare beyond any sort of a reasonable level, but I chose to ignore this and forged ahead.

"We've been together for a while now and you've introduced me to many of your friends, but I haven't had the chance to you introduce you to the important people in my life, and I'm feeling a little left out. I was hoping we could go to Forks this weekend so I could finally come out to my family and introduce you to them. I very much want them to meet the man I love."

He looked at me thoughtfully and chewed his bite of pork chop.

"I thought you were going to come out to your family at Easter? I don't see any reason for you to move up the occasion. Besides, we have symphony tickets this weekend and I'm going to the driving range Saturday."

My spirits fell a little. I'd failed to think of a reason why I should move up my coming out to the family and James' weekend plans were a problem. Still, I wasn't quite ready to give up.

"Maybe you could re-schedule your driving range appointment and give the tickets to one of your clients? I'd really like to go back to Forks this weekend and for you to meet my mom, step-dad and sister."

James' fist came down on the table with such sudden force that it made all the dishes rattle and made me lean away in shock. This was new behavior for him, and it scared me a little.

"Why are we still talking about this?" He snarled. "Do you really think my meeting your family is important enough for me to cancel my one chance to relax this weekend and to forgo a great networking opportunity at the symphony?"

"No, James, of course I don't," I quickly said. My gaze dropped to my lap, where my dick was rapidly softening and I quickly started to stroke myself. James smirked and went back to eating.

"It's just that my mom's been trying to reach me because I haven't called home in a while and my sister apparently has really been missing me. So I completely understand why you can't go with me, but maybe I could take the bus and go visit them myself."

James gave me a hard, withering look that sent me scrambling for my crotch again.

"Your parents have to accept the fact that you're an adult and you're not going to be checking in regularly with them or running back home at the drop of the hat. And your sister has them, she doesn't need you. I, on the other hand, need you at the symphony with me. You can't expect me to go alone. How would that look? What would everyone think? I'd have to spend the whole night explaining why my lover chose to abandon me for the evening instead of discussing the business I need to be discussing."

"I could make sure to take the early return bus so that I'd be back in time to go to the symphony with you . . ."

My head snapped back and my ears started to ring before I could even process what happened. As my eyes started to re-focus, it happened again, only this time I saw James pulling back his arm to backhand me across the face. Jesus, that hurt! He'd never done this before. He'd never hit me in the face. This was such a small question. Something must have gone really wrong at work. He must have been more agitated than I'd realized to have gotten this angry this fast. I shouldn't have pushed him. Why didn't I see the signs? Why didn't I stop when he had gotten angry earlier? Wait. He was saying something. I had to focus. He'd want me to respond.

". . . bad provider for us? Haven't I done enough to make you happy?" I hadn't heard the beginning, but I got the gist of what he was saying. Enough to formulate an appropriate answer.

"You've made me very happy, James," I tried to reassure him. "You're a wonderful provider. I know how hard you work for us. I love you. Please, don't be angry. I was wrong. I'm sorry."

"If I've been a good provider and have made you happy, then what have I done to deserve such disrespect? Why can't I come home from work and eat my dinner in peace? Why do you insist on continuing a conversation on a subject that's already been closed?"

"I'm sorry, James. I don't know what I was thinking. I was wrong. Please, forgive me. It won't happen again."

I looked down in my contrition and noticed that, not surprisingly, I was no longer erect. Instinctively I reached down to stroke myself, not wanting to enrage him further. He noticed my movement.

"Let me do that for you," he said softly and I moved my hand away. He stroked me with his hand and looked at me imploringly.

"Why do you do this to me, Honey? Why do you do things that make me so angry? Why do you make me hurt you when all I want to do is love you?"

"I don't know," I said, because I knew I had to say something. "I'm sorry, James. I didn't mean to make you angry. I wasn't thinking. I'll be better. I'm so very sorry."

"Good," he said and I thought it was all over. He went back to eating with his right hand while he stroked me with his left absentmindedly. Then suddenly his hand stilled and a hard look came across his face.

"How did your mother get in touch with you?"

My breath caught. I would have to tell him the truth and that would really unleash his fury. But I couldn't lie. This was a secured building and the visitor's log and security cameras would reveal the answer if I didn't. And I had no doubt that James would check.

"Emmett stopped by," I stammered. "But I didn't let him up. I met him in the lobby and made him leave. You can ask the doorman, see the security tape."

James moved his hand to my balls and squeezed hard. The pain was unbearable, bringing stinging tears to my eyes.

"James . . ." I pleaded.

"How did he get this address?" he seethed.

"I gave it to him when I was moving, in case there was any mail for me. I never thought he'd come over. I didn't know he was coming over, I swear, James. He just showed up, so I pretended that I was on my way out to meet you and just met him in the lobby. He gave me my mom's message and we went our separate ways. Nothing happened, Sweetheart, I swear."

I didn't even finish speaking when he sprang up and yanked me out of my chair, grabbing my arm and pulling it up so that it was twisted painfully behind me. He slammed my face down into my plate, the china shattering on impact. I felt the food and plate shards dig into my face, but this was nothing compared to the pain in my arm, which he was twisting almost to the point of breaking.

"How dare you? How dare you give away the address of my home to one of your former lovers so that he can come visit you here, underneath my own roof?"

"No, James, please," I begged, absolutely terrified. I had never seen him this angry before. "It's not like that. Emmett and I were never lovers and I would never let him into our home. Please. I met him in the lobby. I just met him in the lobby. . ." the pain and the fear were getting to me and tears were streaming steadily from my eyes, falling into the mixture of food and broken china on the table.

"And you think a lobby is better? Meeting your ex-lover in the open for everyone in the building to see, giving them something to gossip about?" He pushed and twisted my arm further. This time I was certain he would break it. I couldn't help the howl that escaped my lips.

"I'm sorry, James. I'm so sorry," I sobbed, "I don't know what I was thinking. It will never happen again. Please, James. I'm so sorry. Please. . ."

I felt his hold loosen a bit and then he let go of my arm and backed away. Slowly I brought my arm to the front and used both hands to push myself up and away from the table to stand upright. I was still sobbing, unable to stop the rolling shudders that accompanied each ragged intake of breath. I rubbed my twisted arm with the other hand, trying to dissipate the pain.

I stiffened when I felt him come up behind me, but he merely wrapped his arms around my torso and pulled me to him tightly.

"It's all right. It's all right, Honey. It's done. Shhhh. It's over."

He held me and eventually my crying subsided. I was still afraid, though. I didn't know what to expect. Was it really over, or was he going to ask another question that would set him off again? I tried to think of possible questions and how best to answer them so as not to enrage him further. I kept waiting for the questions, but none came. Finally he turned me around and reached up to wipe my tears and pick off the food that had stuck to my face when he ground it into the plate.

"OK. No more crying, Jasper. You're all right. It's all right. I'm sorry I had to do that. I don't like having to be this way but what can I do when you behave so thoughtlessly? Still, you're young and it was the first time, and I'm not mad anymore. I know you won't ever do that again, will you?"

I shook my head in denial. I certainly would not do that again. If Emmett or Seth ever came by I would simply ignore to calls from the lobby. At least not until James understood how much I loved him and how neither Em nor Seth were any threat to him. He isn't mean. He's doing this because he's afraid to lose me. Because he loves me so much. It'll get better. I just have to show him how much I love him. When he's secure in my love the anger and jealousy will stop.

He pulled me into his chest and held me close, one hand rubbing circles on my back, the other squeezing my ass, pushing my groin into his so that our cocks rubbed against each other.

"I love you, Jasper," He whispered hotly in my ear. "You know I can't stand the thought of another man near you, touching you. You're mine," he was licking me, bathing my face with his tongue, covering me with his scent, his saliva. I closed my eyes, resenting the wave of desire flowing through me at his ministrations. I shouldn't be feeling like this, not after what he did. And yet I still moaned with need as he untucked my shirt and moved his one hand under it to rub my bare back and the other into the waistband of my slacks and boxers to massage my ass.

"Tell me you're mine," he commanded, "Say it!"

"I'm yours, James. All yours. Only yours. I love you."

His lips moved down my neck and I rolled my head to rest on his shoulder, giving him greater access. I felt him start to suck repeatedly and knew tomorrow I'd see a series of his marks in a distinctive pattern. I sighed with pleasure. I wanted people to see that he had claimed me. The marks meant that he was mine as much as I was his.

His hands both moved to my ass and he lifted my cheeks slightly, a signal that he wanted to carry me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He turned and walked to the master bath, let me down to start the water. He undressed me completely before taking off his own clothes, grabbing my hand and pulling both of us into the oversized stall. He washed my hair, massaging my scalp, then exfoliated my skin with a loofah before washing me thoroughly. After I was rinsed, he re-directed the shower sprays and sat on the built-in bench, opening up the bottle of lube that we kept there for exactly these kinds of occasions. He coated his hard shaft with the lube. I was already standing in front of him, but turned away and bent at the waist, so he could lube up and stretch my opening. When he was done I straddled his legs, backed up and lowered myself onto his erection. This was my favorite position, and he knew it. Making love to me like this was his way of apologizing for what happened earlier.

He let me sit on his cock without moving, the way I liked to start, just feeling him inside me. His hands roamed my chest, palming my pecs and abs, rolling my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers until they were hard nubs which he pinched, making me shift with the sensation of pleasurable pain. I turned my head back to kiss him and he did, his tongue slipping between my parted lips and gently gliding against mine. I moaned again, turned forward, and lifted myself up and lower down again. We both groaned at feeling the soft lubricated skin of his cock slipping against mine. He let me control the pace, his hands first resting on my hips and then moving forward to stroke my shaft and head.

The bathroom was steamed up from the hot water and echoes of our combined grunts reverberated off the tiled walls. I was moving faster now, eyes closed, just concentrating on the sensations of James simultaneously filling me and stroking my cock. I moved faster and faster, letting my body lead the way as I felt that familiar tingling and tightening inside me before the orgasm hit and I shuddered my release, the contractions of my ass causing James to come as well. I was shaking, my legs wobbly, as I rested on his thighs, leaning back against his chest, panting. I turned my head for more kisses, more mutual declarations of love. I stayed on top of him until he softened enough to slip out of me. We were both sate, content.

James washed me again and I reciprocated. Then he turned off the water and we dried ourselves off thoroughly before he led me to the sink and gently applied antiseptic ointment to the scratches on my face. Clad in our matching robes, he headed to the front hall to grab his briefcase while I went back to the dining room and cleaned up the mess, throwing away the remaining food and china shards. I took out and uncorked a new bottle of wine, poured a couple of glasses and grabbed a prepared fruit and cheese tray from the fridge before heading back to the bedroom. James was already in bed, using his laptop to check for new e-mails. He looked up appreciatively when I walked in with the tray and took it from me so I could climb into bed as well. I turned on the television and watched while he worked, both of us sipping our wine and eating the cheese and fruit.

When he was done he set the laptop aside, moved the tray and wine glasses to the night stand, and turned to pull me into his arms. We talked about the reception we would be attending the following night, what he wanted me to wear, who I should make a particular effort to chat with. Other than the slight ache in my arm and the light scratches on my face, it was as if the earlier incident hadn’t taken place at all.

Eventually we turned off the lights and crawled under the covers. James fell asleep quickly, but even wrapped up in his strong arms, sleep eluded me. My mind wandered back to dinner, as I tried to analyze what happened and pinpoint exactly where everything went wrong. Clearly I'd misjudged how far to push my request. Next time I would have to pay more attention to the cues. I was foolish not to think of a story for how I learned of my mom's request. I had already learned the hard way that any mention of Emmett was bound to set James off.

I realized too late that I'd made a mistake in telling James about my brief dating history with Emmett. I simply had not anticipated the extent of James' jealousy and insecurity. Even though from the start I'd assured him that nothing serious ever happened because I simply wasn't attracted to Emmett that way, James had forbidden me to associate with either Emmett or Seth. I knew this was irrational, but I was sure down the road, when he realized just how much I cared for him and no one else, his jealousy would be tamed and I could re-establish contact with my friends. For now I humored James. It wasn't hard to do, as I hardly had any time to see the guys anyway. With no time to study in the evenings because of all the receptions, I only left the condo to attend classes, coming home as soon as my lectures were done to do my schoolwork before getting ready for whatever event was in store that night. Em & Seth each had tried to make plans with me both during the day and in the evenings, but I always had either a real or fake excuse. I felt awful for not being able to see them or explain, but right now it was more important to re-assure James. I would make up for lost time with the guys down the road.

I might have been tempted to keep in touch with them via phone, but James had anticipated this and had me cancel my service, giving me a phone on his plan instead. I didn't think much of it until James confronted me one day after I'd had a two hour conversation with Peter. I called Peter to ask him about what was going on with him and Marcus, and at first he was reluctant to talk. But when I insisted I knew something was wrong, he finally admitted that he and Marcus were going through a tough patch. Marcus had been devoting a lot of time to his studies and had been reluctant to do anything social, but resented it when Peter went out and did things on his own. Peter, who had always been friendly and outgoing, chafed in the homebody lifestyle. He loved Marcus, but did not want to spend all of their time together at the apartment and was getting tired having to coerce Marcus each time he wanted to go out. It seemed like the two of them could not find a balance. I tried to give him what support and advice I could, though I had little to offer from personal experience. If anything, I sympathized with Marcus, as the endless stream of networking events with James was absolutely draining.

James confronted me the day after I spoke with Peter, and I realized he was tracking my calls. Again, without thinking, I explained the nature of my relationship with Peter. James was livid. This was the first time I saw him fly into a rage. It was also the first time he'd gotten physical, slamming me against a wall. He calmed down fairly quickly after I assured him as best I could that things between Peter and me had been over for more than a year, but he blocked all outgoing calls from my phone except to the condo, his office and his cell, effectively cutting off my communication with friends and family. I resented this even more than his order against spending time with Em and Seth, but I quickly relented when my initial protests resulted in another hard slam against the wall. I hated myself for just giving in, for being afraid, for not fighting harder or leaving, but I loved him and I knew he loved me and leaving wasn't an option. I just needed to do what I had to do to earn his trust and show him how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. Once I did that I knew that everything would go back to normal, that he would be as wonderful as he had been when we first started dating, before he knew about Emmett and Peter. And in the meantime, I didn't have any time for friends anyway.

I turned in his arms and stared at his face. He was calm in his sleep, peaceful. This was the face of the man I loved and who loved me back. I remembered the day I first said those words to him and he said them back to me, how thrilled we had both been, celebrating with a night of incredibly romantic lovemaking. Whenever he started feeling jealous and angry I wished I could just transport us back in time to that moment.

I reached up to touch his short, sandy brown hair, enjoying the soft, silky texture. I loved watching him like this, knowing that this strong, virile man was all mine. Yes, he was temperamental, but that was only because he felt threatened by the close friendships I'd formed with men who used to be romantic interests. I could understand that, to a point. I wouldn't want him to spend time with any of his former lovers either. So I just had to be a little more patient, a little more careful in what I said and did, a little more vigilant about avoiding doing or saying things that provoked his anger. I just had to wait a little longer for him to accept and believe that I wanted to be all his and that I would never let anyone come between us. I knew that once I made him believe it, everything would be just as it had been before except better, because I would be with the man I loved.

But what if he will never change? A voice in the back of my head kept whispering. Or what if he just gets worse? How much pain are you willing to take? How long will you stay with him if it turns out that the monster is always going to be there? You're already so alone. What will you do later if you want to leave and there's nowhere for you to go? You need to do something now, before it's too late.

I squeezed my eyes shut and dug my fingernails into the flesh of my palms to drown out the traitorous thoughts. I would not, could not let myself sabotage my relationship with James. Love was supposed to be for better and for worse, and we were just getting the worse over with up front. I had to believe, I did believe that things were going to get better. I just needed to do more, needed to figure out how to help him, how to reassure him, how to make the monster inside him disappear. It was just a matter of giving it a little more time.