Epilogue

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Epilogue

I sat at my desk holding the stuffed envelope, for the fifth time reading the embossed return address and letting my fingertips glide over the heavyweight, linen textured envelope. Finally, unable to justify not opening it any longer, I carefully slipped the blade of the letter opener under the flap and sliced through the top in one smooth stroke. I pulled out the contents, noting with some surprise that everything inside was remarkably classy and elegant. The paper was the same heavyweight, linen textured white paper with an acanthus embossed border in between two plain black stripe borders. The information was printed in an elegant black script. All in all, definitely not something I would have expected from the sender.

I focused on the text of the invitation:

Mr. Garrett Thompson & Mr. Seth Clearwater
invite you to share in their joy
at a ceremony celebrating
their commitment to one another
and a lifetime of mutual love and happiness

I focused on the date and venue: four weeks from now at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel in Seattle. I took a deep breath. This was a highly unexpected surprise.

I felt a presence behind me. Two strong arms snaked around my chest as Peter leaned down to read over my shoulder.

"Sounds like a happy occasion," he said.

"You don't even realize. Seth is, well, used to be, a notorious commitment-phobe. I couldn't believe it when he told me he was in an exclusive relationship and living with someone. The fact that he is going a step further and actually willing to go through a commitment ceremony is the equivalent of man colonizing Mars. It's that huge!"

Peter chuckled. "He grew up. It happens to the best of us, Babe. Some sooner than others," he said pointedly as he kissed my cheek. "You going?"

"I don't know," I said honestly.

It'd been six years since the last time I was in Seattle. Even though I knew initially it hurt my mother, step-father and sister, I never went back to Seattle or Forks. Of course, they understood why I wasn't able to return and the three of us still saw each other when they visited me in New York or, when I, on occasion, flew out to meet them in Portland. A couple of years after I left Seattle, Jerry got a new job in Arizona, so we could once again spend some holidays together with the added bonus of warm, sunny weather. Other than Seth and Emmett, there was no longer any reason for me to visit the Pacific Northwest.

"I wish I could go with you, Babe," Peter told me, "but I just can't take off for a weekend in the summer. We're thinly stretched every weekend as it is."

Peter co-owned a successful catering business and summertime was his busiest season.

"Don't even think about that, Peter. I would never dream of asking you to come. Too many people depend on you to be here. But I think maybe I will go to see Seth and Emmett again."

"What about . . . ?" he didn't want to say the name. Come to think of it, neither did I, even though we both knew that just the possibility of running into him, however remote, was the reason I'd never gone back to Washington.

"I can't imagine he'd have any reason to be there. As far as I knew he and Seth were never that close," I said with a lot more confidence than I felt.

"Well," Peter said, squeezing me gently, "You can always call to find out before you respond. Good Luck," he pressed a kiss to my cheek again. "I have to run and get the food prepared for tomorrow. I left dinner for you in the fridge. Take care of yourself, all right?"

He stood. I grabbed his hand before he could withdraw it completely and looked back at him.

"You're too good to me," I said with a smile.

"Not possible," his pleased smile gleamed in return.

"Don't forget to call that videographer friend of yours for me, OK?" he said as he headed out the door. Peter wanted some video footage from this weekend's high-profile function to include in a future commercial and promotional video for his business, and one of my co-workers with a videography side business was willing to barter his services in exchange for some cross promotion to Peter's clients.

"No problem. Bye, Sweetness."

"Bye, Babe."

Peter left the apartment and my gaze returned to the invitation. This would be a big day for Seth and even though I haven't seen him in ages, or maybe precisely because I hadn't seen him in ages, I felt like I owed it to him to be there. And there really was no good reason not to go. Seattle was just a place -- it could only hold as much terror and stress for me as I let it. I was a different person now than I was six years ago. I was nearly 26 years old with a career I enjoyed and excelled at. I worked hard through years of counseling to build up my self-esteem and self-confidence. I'd experienced several romantic relationships, both casual and serious. I was on good terms with my family and had many casual and close friends. All in all, I had my shit together, and the time to face my past completely and engage in some ghost exorcism was much overdue.

I picked up the phone and first called my colleague, giving him Peter's contact information and making sure he would call to set up a time to film the weekend gala. I then called my travel agent to book my flight, rental car and hotel. The agent asked if I wanted to stay at the hotel where the wedding was being held, but I opted for a different hotel not far from the Fairmont. Seth, Emmett and I maintained close but infrequent contact, and I simply didn't know what seeing them again would be like. I wanted to stay at a place I could escape to if any parts of the ceremony or reception became too awkward.

I grabbed the RSVP card, wrote 1 in the space next to the number of guests attending, and sealed the envelope. I would mail it when I left the building.

I briefly toyed with the idea of calling Seth or Emmett to ask if Edward would be at the ceremony, but in the end I decided it would be pointless. I wanted to be there for Seth regardless, and if he was going to be there, I certainly didn't need to spend four weeks worrying about it. I kept focusing on the fact that Seth and Edward had never gotten along and put the whole thing out of my mind.

Four week later, as I picked up my rental car at SeaTac airport, I fleetingly wondered what to expect, but I quickly got side-tracked by trying to figure out how to get to my hotel and then rushing to check in

and change before walking over to the Fairmont. So even though I should have been prepared, it was still a shock when I walked into the room set up for the ceremony and, after a brief look around, immediately spotted Edward.

I took an involuntary step back out of the room, trying to slow down my heart rate. It was one thing to think about this meeting in theory. It was quite another to actually see him in person and re-experience every feeling I ever felt for him as though absolutely no time had passed. Just a glimpse of him and all the years of therapy might as well not have taken place. I was right back to the young, insecure, scared, lovesick kid who'd finally reconciled himself to the fact that the love of his life was a controlling bastard, and left everything and everyone behind because he was too weak and afraid to stand up for himself and build his life here as an individual.

I backed up some more. I wouldn't be able to do this after all. I'd been stupid to think that I could. Yet I couldn't force myself to walk out of the hotel, either. I just stood there, frozen with indecision. I glanced over and saw the door to the men's room. Grateful for a place of refuge, I ducked in. I took my phone out and pressed the speed dial for Peter, then immediately stopped the transmission. Peter was busy. The last thing he needed was to be interrupted by me and pulled into my problems. No matter how I felt when I saw Edward in that room, I wasn't that 19-year-old kid anymore. I was a 25-year-old man with plenty of mental and emotional resources to deal with this situation.

My jaw firmly set, my mind shifted to my 'professional' mode, I exited the men's room and looked around. The room I had walked into previously had been set up for the ceremony. There was another room at the end of the mezzanine that undoubtedly would house the reception. I set out purposefully towards that room, my eyes focusing on a table filled with place cards. I first located Edward's name. He was seated at table 5. I kept looking until I found my own card with the number 14 listed on it and breathed a sigh of relief. A quick glance at the tables told me that our respective seating assignments were as far away from each other as they could possibly be. I made a mental note to thank Seth for that bit of courtesy, and left the room.

I walked back to the ceremony room, entering far more cautiously this time, and managed to spot Edward sitting towards the front of the room on Seth's side of the aisle. He was looking away from me, giving me a chance to observe him without being noticed myself. He hadn't changed much in the last 6 years. From what I could see of his face he had matured a bit, but everything else was pretty much exactly the same. I supposed I shouldn't have been too surprised, as the same was true for me. Still, the whole thing felt eerie, like looking at a ghost of years past. Not wanting to be caught staring, I quickly made my way to the back, intending to sit in a place where I'd be least conspicuous.

"Jasper!" a loud, booming voice made me jump in place and turn red. I chanced a glance at Edward and found him staring directly at me. I quickly turned away towards the sound of the voice to see Emmett striding towards me.

"Emmy!" I exclaimed, truly pleased to see him despite the fact that he'd made me the center of attention. "How the hell are you?"

I was swept into a bear hug which I returned with pleasure. In that moment I realized just how much I missed him, the man to whom I owed so much! I'd been stupid to stay away for as long as I had. It felt too good, too comfortable to be this close to him again, and we hadn't even started talking.

"I'm good, Jasper. Real good," Em said as he let me go. "It's a good day, you know? Seth's in fine form. Have you seen him yet?"

"No," I shook my head. "I just got here. I assumed he would be getting ready. Frankly, I have no idea what to expect."

Emmett laughed. "With Seth it's best to expect the unexpected. I'm pretty sure you're going to be surprised. Come on, I know he wants to see you before the festivities begin."

Em put his arm around me and started leading me out of the room. I gladly followed, eager to escape the everyone's scrutiny, especially Edward's. We walked across the open area to a door that had been marked with what was obviously a temporary plaque of white leather with the word 'Groom' embroidered on it in black script. I shot Em a look and he winked.

"Yup, Seth's still a diva," he said.

"I would have been disappointed with anything less," I replied, laughing.

Em knocked on the door. "It's just me, Sweetie," he said. "I found Jasper."

The door to the room flew open and I found myself with the most profound feeling of Déjà vu as a white-leather clad Seth jumped up onto me and planted a kiss straight on my lips. As before, my arms automatically wound around him to support him. He pulled back, grinning furiously at my shocked expression.

"Some things never change, huh?" He asked, laughing. "Your expression is exactly the same as the last time I did that. Welcome back, Jasper! I'm so glad you made it. It's been too long."

He wriggled down off me just as he had the last time at the airport and twirled, his hair and the coattails on his leather tuxedo jacket flaring out impressively as he spun.

"Well, how do I look?" he asked expectantly.

I looked him over carefully, knowing he'd expect nothing less. While I never would have come close to guessing what Seth Clearwater would wear on his wedding day, any more than I would have ever guessed there would ever be a Seth Clearwater wedding day, the white leather tuxedo suited him perfectly. The white silk shirt he wore underneath had a pleated front, a classic wing tipped collar and just the most subtle hint of a shimmer. It was held closed with a row of silver and mother of pearl studs. Instead of a traditional bow tie, Seth wore a bolo tie with silver and mother of pearl slide, white leather cord and silver tips. The white ensemble contrasted beautifully with Seth's glowing russet complexion and his lustrous, long, straight black hair, which tumbled freely over his shoulders.

"You look gorgeous, Seth," I said and meant every word. It was the most handsome I had ever seen him, and happiest too.

Seth tilted his head to the side, clearly pleased with my assessment. Then his head snapped back and his eyes brightened with laughter.

"But wait, there's more!" he said excitedly, and bounced to the corner of the room, placing a white cowboy hat on his head and wrapping a white belt around his waist. He turned around and leaned back against the wall in a classic cowboy pose. "Hello, boys," he drawled, "See somethin' you like?"

I moved towards him to take a closer look at the most enormous silver belt buckle I had ever seen. Upon closer inspection I saw that it had clearly been custom made for Seth, proudly stating "Long live The King!" I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing, and was soon joined by both Emmett and Seth.

"I know it goes without saying, but I take it your husband to be knows how to properly appreciate The King?"

Seth smiled brightly.

"Garrett sure does know how to please The King. In fact, he's even convinced The King to check out a new hangout," Seth sent me a wink as my jaw dropped.

"Seth Clearwater, do you mean to tell me he convinced you to . . . "

"Only once in a while, on special occasions," Seth responded before I could finish. "But yeah. Garrett's special like that," his expression changed to one of blissful happiness and it wasn't hard to imagine what he was thinking about.

I looked at Emmett. who nodded his agreement. "He really is," he confirmed. "And he gets along great with Nasi. Seth and I got pretty lucky with those two."

"I look forward to meeting them both," I said. "Where are they?"

"Garrett is in the other groom's room with his older brother, Justin. I'd introduce you, but he's traditional about all that not seeing each other before the ceremony stuff," Seth pouted, but I could tell underneath he was pleased.

"I could take him," Em offered. Seth's pout became real.

"That's all right, Emmy," I said quickly, realizing that Seth wanted to be there for the introduction. "I'm sure he's busy getting ready and I should leave you both to get ready as well. I'll see myself back to my seat and you two can introduce me to Garrett and Nasir after the ceremony," I leaned down to give Seth a tight hug.

"Thank for being here, Jasper," he said softly into my ear as we embraced. "I know how hard coming out here must have been for you."

"Thanks for giving me a great reason to come," I replied. "I promise I won't stay away so long next time," I pulled away and added "You really do make a stunning groom, Seth. Congratulations."

"Oh stop," Seth took my shoulders and twisted me in the direction of the door. "Leave before you make me cry."

I turned and walked out of the room with a "See you later, guys." Outside more and more people, predominantly men, were making their way into the ceremony room. I followed the throng, stopping short only when I saw Edward hovering around the doorway. He hadn't seen me yet, but there was no way I could walk into the room without passing right by him. For an instant I contemplated running away again before reason took over. This wasn't some scary monster or predator, it was Edward. We had been friends once and we were both adults now. I could remain cordial and aloof for one night. I would try to minimize contact with him, of course, but I would not let the fact that I might have to interact with him on a limited level spoil my enjoyment of this day or cause problems for Seth. I squared up my jaw and shoulders, took a deep breath, and proceeded towards the doors.

Edward looked up seconds before I reached the entryway. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when a couple walked through the doorway using the empty space between us. I gave him a short nod and followed them in, moving to the back of the room, where I found a row with a single seat. I excused myself as I squeezed past the guest already occupying the row, undoubtedly annoying them by failing to use one of the more easily accessible seats, but not really caring. I sat down and breathed a sigh of relief. The longer I could put off facing him, the better.

It was surprising and more than a little disconcerting how much fear and trepidation I still felt at being around him and speaking with him. I should have made more progress, given the length of time that passed since the last time I saw him and the amount of time and money I spent in and on therapy. I knew I was stronger now than I had been years ago, but the fact that I still felt the need to flee each time I saw him made me downright angry. I had deluded myself into thinking that I'd worked through all my problems when, in fact, I merely avoided the biggest problem of all, and was not even close to putting it behind me. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and decided that the time for hiding was over. I would never be able to truly put Edward Cullen behind me if I didn't face him head on, on my terms. It would be civil and brief, and this was the perfect time and place to do it, since I knew neither one of us would dare to face Seth's wrath by causing any sort of a scene. I firmly resolved to find Edward after the ceremony was over and execute my plan.

I opened my eyes, startled to find that the ceremony had already started. I saw Seth and Garrett standing face to face at the front of the room, holding hands and lovingly gazing into each other's eyes. They were a vision together, Seth dressed entirely in white and Garrett entirely in black. I tried to pay attention and listen to the different parts of the proceeding, but found myself extremely distracted with thoughts of Edward. About the only thing I could really force myself to concentrate on were the vows the grooms had written, which were amazingly poignant.

Seth talked about how he and Garrett met and how intrigued he was by the reserved and collected man, so different from himself. He described their growing friendship as Garrett (very perceptively, I thought,) avoided any romantic entanglements that could bring an end to their relationship. He mentioned the day he reluctantly agreed to date Garrett exclusively, unable to lure the other man into his bed with anything short of that assurance. And then he spoke about the day he realized that in Garrett he finally found what he hadn't even known he'd been looking for: the one man he wanted to be with for the rest of his life, quite happily forsaking all others. His heartfelt declaration brought tears to my eyes. I was sure I wasn't the only one in the room with a complete understanding of how monumental that discovery must have been for Seth and how much it must have shaken up his world. Judging by the look on Garrett's face as he listened to his partner's vows, it was clear he understood as well.

Garrett compared meeting Seth to being caught in a microburst, eliciting appreciative laughter from everyone in the room who knew the tiny diva. His admission of falling in love at first sight and then waiting and coaxing the cynical Seth to arrive at the same realization could have been taken as smug, if it wasn't for the obvious sincerity and joy in his voice. It was clear to all assembled that Garrett's patient snagging and reeling in of Seth Clearwater was the very best thing that could have ever happened to both men.

I watched happily as Emmett and Justin proudly provided the rings the two grooms reverently exchanged. I listened as the officiant formally presented Seth and Garrett to all the guests as a committed couple, asking us all to bless and support their union. I thrilled at their official first kiss as husband and husband, and nothing could have erased my wide smile as I stood and watched them walk hand in hand down the center aisle, past all of their family and friends. The only thing that could have made this occasion happier would have been the official sanction of the marriage by the State of Washington, but that was a mere legal formality. I and every person in the room knew damn well that, for all practical intents and purposes, the two men who we were celebrating that day were as married as any heterosexual couple.

After the ceremony the grooms, their families and Emmett formed a traditional receiving line. I held back, perfectly content to be one of the last people to go through the line, hoping it would reduce the amount of time I'd have to mingle before the start of the reception. I enjoyed watching Seth hold court, reveling in the spotlight. I also enjoyed watching Garrett. I hadn't even met the man, yet I knew he was the perfect partner for Seth. He had an almost majestic look about him. Taller than Seth by a good 6 inches, he maintained a perfect posture, yet his body also naturally gravitated towards Seth as the shorter man bounced excitedly in conversation with the guests, performing the necessary family introductions. Garrett was both supportive and protective without crowding or hovering, and it all seemed to come perfectly naturally. And then there were his eyes. Except when he was speaking directly to someone, Garrett's eyes were focused exclusively on Seth. I watched his eyes alternately reflect amusement, indulgence, excitement, pride, lust, happiness and love, but never stray far from his new husband's face and frame. It was clear that Garrett Thompson was completely in love with my friend, and that made him a good guy in my book.

It was finally my turn to walk through the line and I swept Seth into a close but respectful hug, telling him congratulations once again. Seth absolutely beamed when he turned to grab his husband's left hand to pull him forward to meet me.

"Garrett, Honey, this is Jasper. Jasper, this is my husband and the man who captured my heart, Garrett."

Garrett and I exchanged a firm handshake. I liked the feel of his dry, smooth hand, and I could only imagine that Seth would too. A small smirk crept up over my lips and I sent Seth a conspiratorial wink. Somehow I just knew he understood exactly what I was thinking by the extra-large grin and the return wink.

"Congratulations, Garrett. It's a pleasure to meet you," I said, turning my attention back to the second groom. "I wish I had a chance to do so before today, but I hadn't had occasion to visit Seattle in a while. I hope in the future I'll fly out more often so we can get to know each other better.

"Absolutely, Jasper, I look forward to that. Of course, I've heard a lot about you, but I look forward to having all good things confirmed in person. And I sometimes travel to New York City on business. Perhaps on occasion Seth could come with me and we'd meet up with you there."

"That sounds great," I said, and then it was time to move down the line.

I shared a close hug with Emmett, telling him he'd executed his Best Man duties well, which prompted a lovely, rich, hearty laugh that I hadn't realized I'd missed as much as I did. Then I met Seth's sister Leah, who looked absolutely stunning in a light beige suede tunic, sparingly decorated with fringe and multi-colored beads. Even without the traditional Native American dress and hair plated into two long braids, it would have been impossible to miss the resemblance between siblings.

"And here I thought you must have gotten all the good looks in the family," I teased Seth, who rolled his eyes.

"Yes, yes, my sister is stunning. Good thing I love her so much or I would have thrown her out long ago for trying to upstage me on my special day."

"And good thing I love you so much, little brother, or I wouldn't have worn this old thing to your wedding," she shot right back. Had I been straight I would have fallen instantly in love. As it was, I merely kissed her hand and promised to seek her out later to get as much dirt on Seth as she was willing to dish out. By the smile on her face I knew I'd be in for quite a night.

Seth groaned and pushed me along to meet Garrett's family. Mr. Thompson was an older, more distinguished version of his son. Mrs. Thompson was an elegant woman in a wine colored dress with her dark hair up and a delicate white sweater about her shoulders. It was immediately clear where Garrett acquired his impeccable taste. I loved the way she completely doted on Seth, telling me how glad she was to meet a friend of her youngest baby boy. Seth made a show of being embarrassed, but I knew he was secretly eating it up. He was even more affectionate with Garrett's grandmother, perhaps because she was actually his height.

Last in line were Garrett's older brother, Justin, his wife, Melinda, and their daughter, Stephanie. The little girl made me laugh when she reached out to grab my hair and whispered adorably "Just like mine!"

"Yup," I told her, reaching to twirl one of her blond curls around my index finger. "Just like yours, little princess."

Done with the receiving line, I walked out to the mezzanine and considered my next move. Other than Edward, everyone I knew was still in the other room, finishing greeting all the guests before posing for pictures. I looked around the large open space, but did not see Edward, who must have followed the other guests into the Garden Room, where the reception was being held. I had two options. I could find a way to pass the time in the mezzanine until the wedding party was ready to go to the reception or I could man up, go in there by myself, and finally face Edward.

Realizing that I really had no choice at all, I took a deep breath and headed for the Garden Room. I picked up my place card and walked over to the designated table, setting it down by the only remaining empty place setting. My table mates, having staked out their seats, must have decided to mingle. I glanced at the other names, not surprised to find that I knew no one. I looked around the room, but did not see Edward. Slightly disappointed, considering how mentally prepared I'd been for the confrontation, I continued to let my gaze wander. I spotted the bar and made my way over to order some liquid courage. The bartender was young and adorable, and the wink and smile he gave me as he handed me my drink had that "I'm available after the party" feel about it. I smiled to myself and thought if this was another time and another place, I would have been sorely tempted. As it was, I simply walked away, the subtle flirtation giving my ego just the right stroke to keep me from thinking too much about the upcoming face-off.

I snagged a stuffed something or other off a tray of a passing waiter, suddenly realizing how long it's been since I last ate. As much as I wanted to be here for Seth, this reception really could not start soon enough for me. What I really wanted to do right now was to sit down in a dark sports bar and share a beer and a plate of nachos with someone familiar, someone who knew me, someone who could make me feel comfortable with just a few words and a wide smile. Swallowing my appetizer in a couple of bites, I took out my phone and scrolled through the names until I found the one I wanted. I pressed the button to establish the connection and waited nervously to see if he'd pick up. It had been a while, nearly a year, since our last conversation. Last time we spoke, he had reunited with his lover and they were living their happily ever after.

"Hey, Slick, long time no talk," he answered after a couple of rings.

"Hey, Tex. Sorry about that. Real life got in the way -- you know how it is."

"No worries. I haven't called either. It's good to hear from you now, though."

It was good to hear his rich, slightly raspy voice. The voice that always managed to calm me, when he wasn't saying things that excited me beyond my wildest imagination, that was.

"Do you have a minute or did I catch you at a bad time?" I asked.

"Wouldn't have picked up if it was a bad time," he chuckled. I should have known.

"You'll never guess where I am," I said, knowing he was well aware of my aversion to Seattle.

"Don't tell me you finally made it back to the Emerald City."

"As a matter of fact, " I laughed. "I'm here for a wedding. Well, a commitment ceremony," I corrected myself, knowing that it wasn't really necessary. "I'm flying back home tomorrow afternoon and I was wondering if . . ."

"Tomorrow's no good, Slick. We already have plans. But I'm free tonight. I could maybe meet you for a drink after the reception?"

"Yeah? It might run late," I said, feeling a bit disappointed that I hadn't thought to call him when I first made the decision to fly out, to make sure we'd get a chance to catch up.

"You know I'm a night owl. Late doesn't scare me. Just tell me when and where."

"Huh. It's been a while. I'm not as familiar with the area. The reception is at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel and I'm staying at the Sorrento," I offered.

"All right. Let me think a minute," he drawled. "How about we grab something at The Madison Pub? It's just a few blocks down Madison from the Sorrento. Why don't you text when the reception is over and I'll pick you up at the Fairmont 20 minutes later. The Sorrento is on the way and we can stop there so you can change out of your fancy duds. That way you won't stick out like a sore thumb at the pub."

"Sounds good, Tex. I'll see you later. I'm looking forward to it," I said.

"Me too, Slick, me too. I've got a lot to tell you and I have a feeling you'll talk my ear off too."

I smiled. Once upon a time talking would be the last thing on our minds when we first got together. But we did always have good conversations in the aftermath, and there was no reason for that to change just because we were no longer sleeping together.

"Sounds just about right, Tex, though I'll try not to keep you out 'till all hours. See you later."

I flipped the phone closed and placed it back in my pocket as I leaned against the wall I had walked up to while talking. I took a sip of my drink and closed my eyes, memories of Tex flooding my brain. We'd met in New York five years ago, the summer after my sophomore year, at a TV studio where I'd been interning as a post-production editor. He had been one of the studio musicians who backed up an up-and-coming country artist. His familiarity with the music and good looks mean that, rather than taking a chance on a New York studio back-up, the singer insisted on flying Tex out for the TV appearance. Tex agreed to come out because the money was good, not really caring much about the TV hoopla. In fact, watching him stand around the studio, all tense and brooding, I had the distinct impression that he would have much rather been anywhere but where he was that day.

Maybe it was his disdain for the spotlight, or the way his fingers twitched nervously, as if constantly looking for a cigarette or guitar pick, or maybe it was those scuffed up well-worn cowboy boots, but I found him absolutely fascinating, thinking up every excuse in the book that day to make it out of the editing room and anywhere near him. I spent most of that day mesmerized by his tall, lean frame, his mop of wheaten waves, his intense green eyes and his slightly too full lips. In some ways it was almost like staring at a slightly older and wiser version of myself.

It took more than two hours of me hovering in his vicinity without saying a word before he finally made his move, commenting how he'd really need a beer after all this and how he hated to drink alone. Did I know anywhere he could go and anyone who'd like to join him? Did I ever? Was he fuckin' kidding?

I told him I got off at six and I'd be happy to join him for a beer. He smiled a lazy smile, his eyes raking up and down my body in a way that made me uncomfortable in a most delectable way, and drawled, "Slick, you'll stop working at six. We might have to wait until six thirty to get you off. That'll give us enough time to finish that beer."

As it turned out, we never made it to the bar. Tex asked around and was pointed by one of the crew to the nearest liquor store, where he picked up a 6 pack to take back to his hotel room. Once we got there the beer was forgotten as we stripped off in record time and he proceeded to play my body as well as he played his guitar, his calloused fingertips gliding over my skin eliciting sighs, moans and cries that I never knew I was capable of producing. I alternately purred and groaned with delight as he sucked my cock all the way down his smooth throat while his fingers moved deftly in and out of my ass, at once pleasuring and preparing me for the next stage of our coupling.

Lovemaking with Tex, even that very first time, felt familiar, intimate. He'd lain on his back, half-reclined on pillows against the headboard. He had me straddle him and rest on my knees as I slowly lowered myself onto his hard cock. I tried to reach ahead of me for the headboard to give myself more leverage so I could start riding him, but he grabbed my hands and placed them on his chest, pulling me down to him. His arms wrapped around me and his fingers lightly rasped my back, my hips, my buttocks and my thighs as we exchanged long, sensuous kisses. He pulled up his knees slightly, resting his feet flat on the bed, his hard thighs coming in contact with my butt, pushing me forward into him. Without stopping the kisses or the exploration of my body, he started moving his hips, thrusting his cock in and out of me in slow, easy strokes. We moved leisurely together, the slow pace and complete body contact only increasing our mutual arousal. My skin tingled from the searing heat of his mouth and fingers. My hard dick was trapped between our bodies, rubbing against his well-defined abs with every thrust, driving me absolutely insane. I couldn't remember ever wanting to come so badly and, at the same time, wanting to make the sex last forever.

Fortunately, Tex and I both reached our limit with the slow pace at the same time, and he did not protest when I pressed my hands against his chest to push myself back into a sitting position, shifted my right leg so that my foot rested next to his hip, providing me with much needed leverage, and started riding him in earnest. The room filled with a harmony of our mutual gasps and moans as he grasped my cock, matching my rhythm stroke for stroke. It wasn't long before we both reached our climax, his body shuddering under me as he used his hips to fully impale me, his cock pumping jets of cum into the condom in my ass while my own pulsing dick covered his chest with wave after wave of my creamy jizz.

When we were both thoroughly drained, I returned to the full kneeling position and moved my hands to either side of his chest so I could lean in and lap up some of the cum and share it with him through a long, passionate kiss. His green eyes sparkled with amusement when he finally released my tongue and lips and said "I don't know about you, Slick, but that's better than any damn beer I've ever tasted."

He pulled me down to lie on his chest, the remnants of my sticky love juice cementing us together as we both calmed down and relaxed, until eventually his detumescent dick slipped out of me and it was time to clean up and shower. Afterwards we lay side by side in bed, drinking beer and talking about anything and everything, topics of conversation flowing easily from one to the next. He was remarkably easy to talk to and before I knew it I found myself telling him my life story, including all my problems with Edward. He, in turn, told me about troubles he had with his ex, Wash. Our situations weren't exactly the same. Wash was more of a selfish coward and a cheater than a controlling bastard. But knowing that we had both been in love with men we left because we knew they were wrong for us, yet couldn't quite forget, gave us a strong, common bond. And it made the second time we made love that night even sweeter and more tender than the first.

Eventually we got dressed and went out to grab a late bite before I went home and he went back to the hotel. He had an early flight out the next day and I had to work, so as much as we both may have wanted to, spending the night together was not in the cards. Although we exchanged contact information, I never really expected to see or hear from him again. But, as fate would have it, our paths actually kept crossing as he started traveling to New York more frequently with different musicians. Each time he visited we would get together for a repeat of the easy intimacy and conversation we found the first time, and soon we were keeping in touch regularly via other means as well. Our relationship never went beyond sex and friendship, but I could always count on Tex to give me his honest, no bullshit take on any subject. He became a mentor of sorts, a sounding board, someone who often knew what was and wasn't good for me better than I knew myself. I counted myself very lucky to have him in my life.

When Tex called to tell me that Wash was back in his life, apparently a changed man and repentant for his mistakes, and that they were trying to work things out, I was worried but hopeful. A few months later, when I found that they managed to resolve their differences and were moving in together, I was genuinely thrilled for Tex. It was good to know he found happiness with the man he'd never quite gotten over. I only hoped that Wash's transformation was real and permanent, and that he would treat Tex the way he deserved to be treated.

Out of respect for their renewed relationship, I stopped calling Tex. Much as I missed our talks and his advice, knowing Wash's history I didn't want phone calls from one of Tex's ex-lovers to upset whatever balance he and Wash managed to work out. But now, a year later, I found myself excited at the prospect of seeing Tex again and hearing how things were going for them. No matter how uncomfortable this trip to Seattle made me, seeing Seth and Emmett, and now Tex, made it all worthwhile.

The phone buzzing in my pocket yanked me out of my thoughts. I took it out to see a text from Peter.

Everything OK?

I took a moment to reflect on how sweet he was being. With the time difference between Seattle and New York, I knew this was a busy, end of the event time for him. It must have taken extra effort to remember to text me.

Fine. Ceremony just over. Reception next. I typed.

Run into any old friends? The response arrived in seconds. I knew exactly what he was asking.

Not yet, but he's here. I replied.

You OK?

So far, so good.

Good luck, Babe. Call or text if you need me. I sighed. It was good to know I could turn to Peter if need be.

Will do. Thanks.

I snapped the phone closed and placed it back in my pocket. I looked around again, this time spotting Edward near my favorite bartender. The location was perfect. I drained the remnants of my first drink and made my way back to get a refill and get my Edward interaction over and done with.

I found him just as he was turning to walk away from the bar. He was taken aback, obviously not expecting to find me right behind him.

"Hello, Edward," I said, politely but coolly, even as my heart was imitating a jackhammer inside my chest.

"Jasper, hi," he stammered.

"It was a beautiful ceremony, wasn't it?" I asked before he had a chance to say anything more, turning to give the bartender my drink request. He winked again and I noticed he started pouring before I even told him what I needed. Once again, the casual flirtation seemed to calm me and give me a boost of self-confidence. Good man, and too bad I was not in the market for casual sex tonight. I threw him a smile anyway, pulling out my wallet to fish out a tip.

"Yes. Yes it was," Edward answered, "Seth was very excited when he found out you were coming. We were all excited."

I retrieved my drink from the bartender, inserting the tip into the provided hurricane glass, and turned to respond.

"It is nice to be back. I shouldn't have stayed away as long as I have. I let some unfortunate memories get in the way of my friendship with Seth and Emmett and I regret that.

"You look well, Edward," I continued. "Have you kept in touch with any of your high school friends? How are they doing?"

He looked surprised, but I knew he understood my obvious implication that I did not consider myself one of his high school friends.

"I haven't really kept in touch with anyone from high school," he said and looked away from me.

"Yes, well," I agreed, "I too have lost touch with all of them. But then I think sometimes you just have to move on and live your life as an adult, without reminders of an unfortunate youth. I'm sure you'd agree."

"I . . . " Edward looked like he was actually going to disagree and I could not have that, so I immediately interrupted.

"You know, Edward, I just remembered that I have to call someone back home and it's getting late over there, so I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to cut this short. It was nice chatting with you." I made sure my tone didn't invite a follow-up.

Edward opened his mouth to say something anyway, but I merely nodded and walked away, taking out my phone as I went. I dialed our apartment, knowing fully well no one would be there.

"I just ran into him and exchanged a few words. Now it's over. I feel better. Everything is A-OK. I'm meeting Tex for a drink after the reception, so I'll call tomorrow before I get on the flight home."

I pressed the button to terminate the connection after leaving the message, but kept the phone near my ear, pretending to talk a few moments longer, just in case Edward was watching. Then I made my way to my table, where other guests had started to gather. A few minutes later the DJ was announcing the arrival of the wedding party and making introductions as a bevy of waiters started serving the food.

I got to know my table mates a bit over dinner. All of us were friends with Seth, so we had plenty of stories to share and giggle over as we ate our meal. About mid-way through the meal the grooms began to make rounds among all the guests and eventually made their way to our table. We all exchanged congratulations and thank yous with them and I just thoroughly enjoyed watching them together. They seemed to be polar opposites that fit perfectly together, and the black and white outfits only reinforced the complimentary yin-yang image.

Then it was time for the grooms to cut the cake and all of us were extremely shocked when Seth did not smear the frosting all over Garrett's face, as we expected, but rather politely placed a dollop on his lips, sucking it off diligently for the photo. After dinner the grooms and wedding party led off the dancing, even as the hotel staff was serving the newly cut cake.

In typical fashion, the guests dispersed after cake was served, preferring to mingle with the grooms or their friends, or to dance the night away. I was left alone at our table, anxiously looking at my watch, wondering how soon would be too soon to make an exit without looking impolite. I would, of course, have stayed for hours, if I could just monopolize the grooms and Emmett. But that wasn't possible, and I just wasn't in the mood to mingle with a bunch of strangers. I glanced at my watch again.

"It's about 30 seconds later than the last time you checked," Emmett said as he walked up to my table, holding a bottle of beer in each hand. "Is this a private party or can I join? I brought drinks."

I smiled. "Of course you're welcome to join me, Emmett. But I would have thought you'd be with Nasir. Where is he, by the way? I've yet to see or meet him"

Em's face clouded over as he pulled out a chair and sat down.. "He's flying in today from his brother's wedding in the Emirates and his plane was delayed. Now he's stuck at the airport. Goddamn Homeland Security profiling crap! Who knows when the fuck they're going to release him? Assholes."

I placed my hand over his, hoping to give him some comfort. He looked at me and gave me a small smile.

"Hopefully he'll make it here before the end of the reception so that you can meet him. If not, maybe we can get together some time tomorrow? We're supposed to have breakfast with Seth and Garrett, but could see you some time after that?"

"Let's cross that bridge if we come to it, Em. For now, let's just assume he'll get here soon. I'm sure I'll get to meet him tonight."

"Always the positive thinker, huh, Jas?" Emmett's smile grew. "You're right. He's in the country and he's done nothing wrong. They'll just go through all their bullshit procedures and let him go. And in the meantime, it gives us a chance to catch up. We really haven't talked enough over the past few years. What have you been doing with yourself?"

I took a swig of my beer. After Edward's visit to Rochester, Emmett and I didn't speak for over a year. I admit I was bitter and quite unwilling to forgive what I saw as his betrayal. The fact that he had helped Edward find me, had spoken with Edward on how to approach me, all the while knowing the desperate measures I had taken to make sure Edward could not contact me, had placed a black mark against him in my book that I planned to never erase. And, true to his word, Emmett did not try to contact me. Absent the external force that was Seth Clearwater, things could very well have stayed that way forever.

Seth left things alone for as long as he could. But in December of my junior year he got on a plane and flew from Seattle to upstate New York without any warning, showing up at my doorstep just as Edward had the previous fall, only much more welcome. Seth being Seth, he didn't wait long to get to the point. Emmett felt horrible about what he had done, he missed me, and Seth felt I had punished him enough. When I tried to explain that it wasn't my intent to punish Em, just to sever a relationship with someone I no longer trusted, Seth just crossed his arms and gave me a hard look.

"Since the day you two became friends Emmett has never acted in a way that he didn't believe was in your best interest. Yes, he made a mistake. But he didn't do it maliciously. He really believed he would be helping both you and Edward. Now, it seems to me you've made some mistakes in the past too, so frankly I'm surprised that you're so hell bent on being judgmental and unforgiving."

"Seth, no offence, but this is between me and Emmett. You don't know everything that happened or what this is about . . . " I looked at him quizzically, suddenly all too aware that Emmett kept nothing from Seth. "Or do you know everything and were in on it too? Because if so, then thanks for stopping by, but this conversation and visit are officially over."

Seth huffed in exasperation.

"You're behaving like a child, Jasper. I'm sure Edward's visit was traumatic. But you know what? You got through it. You told him no and goodbye and you lived. And in the end what was the harm except some face-to-face closure for both of you? You made a decision, you stuck to it, and you’ve clearly done pretty well. Which, by the way, is more than I could have said for Edward when he came back, but that's neither here nor there."

I remembered hearing Seth mention Edward's name and feeling that familiar tug at my heart and soul, that need to hear more, know more. But I used the skills I learned in therapy, controlled my breathing, chanted my internal mantra, and walked away from the bait, determined not to fall into that trap again.

"The point is, it's all over. And you're still holding onto a grudge against a friend who honestly and perhaps somewhat naively thought that if you and Edward saw each other, you could somehow reconcile and work out your differences. He knew how much you cared for Edward. He knew because you told him. He worked with Edward to try to make him a better man for you. Do you honestly believe for a minute that Emmett would strike up a friendship with Edward just for the hell of it? Come on!

"He was wrong. I tried to tell him but he didn't listen to me. I swear, you two are so alike! Both as stubborn as mules. If only you really were mules -- I'd tie your tails together and leave you in a room until you worked everything out. As it is I have to fly all over God's creation in the middle of a fucking winter!"

"Seth, no one asked you to come out here."

Seth took a deep breath puffing out his chest to almost twice its regular size. Clad in black leather pants and an untucked red swordsman shirt cinched with a wide, studded, black leather belt, his long black hair falling loosely around his shoulders, Seth looked every bit the pint-sized powerhouse that he was. Shorter than me by at least 9 inches, he couldn't quite get in my face, but the way he barreled towards me and stared up at me with a furious expression, fists resting menacingly on his hips, he didn't have to get any closer to make me listen.

"You're right. No one did," he huffed. "But I love Emmett and I think I might still love you a little too. So I'm trying to perform a fucking Christmas miracle here and reconcile you two, so I don't have to watch my best friend keep beating himself up for something that should have been forgiven and forgotten long ago. Now, you need to get over yourself and get your head out of your ass and call him. You don't even have to fucking apologize, although you should, because he's not looking for that. In fact, I bet he'll spend a good hour apologizing to you, which you should cut short but can listen to if you want to make yourself feel better and to make him suffer a bit longer. But after all that you just need to let it go and move on. Got it?"

Of course it was impossible to say no to Seth when he was on a mission, and I owed him too much anyway to refuse this favor. So I called Emmett and he tried to apologize for a long time, which I did cut short, and I apologized myself, which he told me was unnecessary. And from then on we kept in touch. It wasn't the same as the relationship we had before. Too much time had gone by and there were too many new things and people in both of our lives that we didn't know about, plus we were both busy. Plus, even though I forgave him, knowing that he and Seth might still keep in touch with Edward made me reluctant to share anything too intimate, so our conversations were typically warm, but general. We mainly talked about school and work and friends. I scrupulously avoided talking about my love life and Em hadn't talked much about his, except to let me know when he and Nasir decided to move in together. I knew how big of a step that was for him and I was pleased he finally found someone he cared so much about. Now I really wanted to meet the man who captured Emmett's heart. So I too silently cursed the Department of Homeland Security, even as I held my friend's hand in an attempt to keep him calm.

"What have I been doing with myself?" I remembered Emmett's question. "Well, let' see. You know I lived in London for 6 months taking classes and doing that TV internship Greg arranged."

"Yeah," Emmett said, "I know you were there, but you never did go into details. And Greg was mum on the subject when we saw him. But I got the impression there was a guy involved?"

I sighed. It was easier to keep personal details from Emmett over the phone. Now, with him looking at me with such curiosity and such need for distraction, I couldn't think of any reason not to tell him.

"Yeah, there was. When I got to London I caught up with Greg's friend, Rick. He and I had messed around before and there was this spark and we were both still single, so we started dating and pretty soon he asked me to move into his flat."

Emmett's eyebrow rose in question.

"He was nothing like James," I quickly reassured him. "It was just more convenient to live together, but there were no rules, no restrictions. It was normal. Better than normal. It was great! I mean the sex was hot and we had loads in common outside the bedroom too, yeah?" I noticed myself starting to slip into my Brit-talk and quickly re-adjusted. "Anyway, it was so good I actually started thinking about maybe making the move permanent, you know? We talked about getting a bigger flat together, setting up house, the works. And then one afternoon I came home and found him weeping.

"I was terrified. I had no idea what could have happened to make him so despondent. I sat and I held him and I tried to calm him down and I begged him to tell me what was going on. And he finally did. Apparently he had gotten a call at lunchtime from his ex-lover, H. An ex- lover, by the way, whom he left because H. refused to come out. An ex- lover who ended up marrying a girl they both knew and had a baby on the way. Apparently H. was having a hard time dealing with his pregnant wife so he called up Rick for a booty call, and Rick trotted right over, no questions asked, no waiting required." I was a little surprised how much bitterness was still in my voice, given that I thought I'd forgiven Rick a long time ago.

"Oh man," Emmett commiserated. "That's harsh. What did you do?"

"Well, you can imagine, I was pissed. I knew he felt awful. Jesus, he couldn't even keep it a secret for a day. But I was still pissed. So I yelled and cursed and called him a whore and worse and he took it all and didn't even try to argue. And then after all the nasty things I said to him he told me he loved me and he'd do anything to earn my forgiveness and begged for me to stay."

"Ouch," Em remarked.

"Yeah. So I almost gave in. It was close. Like I said, the sex was hot and I loved him. And it was his first mistake and he clearly wasn't deceitful. But then I had a thought and I had to ask: if H. called again could he definitively promise me he wouldn't go see him. And he couldn't make that promise."

"Fuck!"

"I know! I couldn't believe it. I mean, I guess there was something to be said for honesty, but that wasn't something I was prepared to accept. So I stormed out of the flat and headed for the pub and was well on the way to getting royally pissed, um, sorry, I mean drunk, when I met this hot Irish guy, Johnny."

"Oh no, tell me you didn't," Em cringed.

I had to laugh. I couldn't believe with a best friend like Seth, Emmett could still be so conservative sometimes.

"Sorry, Em. I'm afraid I did. Hell, even you would have if you'd been there, I bet. Johnny was a little older. Short with a shaved head and these dark, thick eyebrows, a scar running through the left brow, and a broken nose -- he'd looked like he'd handled a fight or two. Very sexy! And he had these really gorgeous green eyes. . ."

"Really, Jasper?" Emmett smirked. "Green eyes, huh? You don't say."

Crap! I knew exactly where he was going with that and I so did not want to go there. "Shut up, Emmett, and let me finish the story."

"All right, all right," he said. "Go on."

"Well, Johnny and I got to talking. First he let me cry on his shoulder and then he started telling me stories. Ever hear an Irishman tell stories, Em? Goddamn! He was funny as all hell and that fucking brogue of his, so rich and sweet, I just couldn't resist! His place wasn't too far from the pub, so I went home with him and Jesus Christ, Emmett, I couldn't have asked for a better rebound fuck. Johnny had the thickest cock I had ever seen, well, in person, anyway. I mean, I have big hands, but I couldn't close my fingers around that monster. It fucking scared me when I first saw it. I thought there was no way it would fit.

"But Johnny clearly knew what he was doing, and he liked doing it, too. That man worshipped my ass. I am not kidding. He was at my hole for what seemed like hours and his tongue was as impressive as his cock -- he nearly made me come with that thing alone. By the time he slipped his rod in me I was so relaxed I had no fear, and he just slid that hot, thick, Irish cock right in and fucked me slow and deep and I was in paradise."

"Ahem," Emmett cleared his throat. "It must have been pretty intense, for you to remember it so vividly after all these years."

"Oh, it was, Emmy, it was. To this day I find it hard to listen to an Irish accent without getting a boner. But anyway, afterwards I started thinking that I really enjoyed myself with Johnny, I mean really enjoyed myself, and I didn't feel all that guilty and I probably should have if I'd really loved Rick, right?" I didn't feel it was necessary to mention that I also acknowledged to myself that I couldn't swear I wouldn't hook up with Tex if he happened to be flying through London and gave me a call. "And if I didn't really love him than the whole thing, uprooting and moving to England, didn't make any sense. So in the morning, after another session with my Irish stud, I went back home and told Rick that I forgave him, but I couldn't be with him anymore. Then I called Greg and moved in with him and Viktor and Helena for the month I had left of my internship."

Emmett smiled. "Helena is a little doll! We saw her briefly when we met with Greg and Viktor. She made me promise that I would say hello to her uncle Jasper. I told her it might be a long time 'till I saw you and that she might actually see you first, and do you know what she said? She said, 'Well, no matter when you see him I'm sure uncle Jasper would like hearing a ‘hi’ from me, so just please remember to tell him and if I see him first I'll keep it a secret.' So let me just fulfill my duty, and officially tell you that Helena says 'hi'."

I smiled right back at him. I did have a soft spot for Helena, even though she'd just barely been a toddler when I last saw her. Greg and Viktor got incredibly lucky when one of Greg's co-workers got pregnant after a hook-up with a random stranger. She was going to put the baby up for adoption, but confided in Greg that she hated the thought of the baby growing up with strangers. Greg spoke with Viktor who, as it turned out, always wanted kids, and the three of them figured out that Greg would be listed as the baby's father on the birth certificate and Viktor would adopt after Luna, the mother, gave up her rights in his favor, but that she would remain a part of the baby's life. So from the beginning Helena had two full-time daddies and a part-time mum and it was all working out for them beautifully. Helena had all three of them wrapped around her finger, but somehow she was also a good kid. I hadn't seen her in a few years except through video conferences and I knew sometime soon I would have to arrange for a trip back to London. But work was keeping me busy and I found it difficult to get away for an overseas holiday. Then again, the flight to London wasn't that much longer than the flight to Seattle. I suddenly realized that instead of planning for a whole week, I should just fly out there for a long weekend.

"So you came back to the States," Em prompted me out of my reverie. "And then what?"

"And then you pretty much know the rest. I went back to Rochester for my final year, graduated, moved back to the city and got a job with the station I'd interned at before."

"And you like the job, right?"

"Oh, hell yeah. I love it. I mean, the hours are long and the pay isn't as good as it could be, but I'm getting a ton of experience and my boss likes me and I'm next in line for a promotion, which will mean more money and most likely even longer hours," I laughed. There were days when I wondered why I had a bed outside of the studio at all.

"So you live to work," Emmett said. "But what about your personal life? Is there a special man in your life or are you dating or are you too busy to even look for someone?"

Fuck! My current personal life was not a topic I was prepared to discuss with him. I was still too gun-shy, too cautious. Fortunately, before my pause got too long and awkward, Emmett was approached and distracted by one of the other guests, and turned away to respond. I took the time to look around the room. I saw Seth and Garrett discussing something with a small group of guests, Seth gesticulating wildly, causing the whole group to laugh. I kept my gaze moving, spotting Edward sitting alone at another table, staring into a highball glass filled with honey-colored liquid. He looked lost in thought and down. It wasn't a look that belonged on the face of a wedding guest.

"Have you two talked yet?" Emmett asked. I turned back to look at him, noticing that the person he had been conversing with moved on.

I nodded sharply. "We exchanged a few words," I replied.

"So I take it the answer to my question is no?"

"I don't think him and me talking is a good idea, Em. I'll be civil if it can't be avoided, but it's not like we have anything to talk about."

"You don't think so, huh?" Emmett sounded skeptical. "I think he'd disagree."

"Well, I can't do anything about that, can I?" I snapped, then immediately apologized when I saw his hurt expression. "I'm sorry, Emmy. I don't mean to be a dick about it. But you know I haven't even come back to Seattle all these years so I could avoid running into him. You can't exactly expect me to just walk up to him and get the run down on the last few years."

Em took a long swallow of his beer and I followed his lead. We each took another swallow, not knowing what to say.

"So how is he?" I asked quietly.

Emmett's eyebrow went up again. I wasn't sure if he was trying to convey "Oh, now you wanna know?" or "Why are you asking me when he's sitting right over there?" Either way, it wasn't worth the effort.

"Never mind," I grumbled. "He seemed fine when I spoke with him earlier and it's not like I have any need to know."

Emmett sighed. "He's all right, I guess," he said quietly. "He works for the National Parks Service, bought a house in the suburbs, has a cat, is gay and single, and still misses his childhood friend."

My head snapped up in attention before he finished speaking. Edward out of the closet and openly gay? Of course I remembered the things he told me when we last saw each other, but he'd never actually acknowledged . . . Well, to be fair, I never gave him much of a chance and even if he had, I wouldn't have believed him. I supposed that explained why he was still friends with Emmett and Seth.

We were interrupted once again, this time by Garrett's brother, Justin.

"Emmett, my man, sorry to interrupt but we are being summoned to pose for still more photos."

Emmett groaned, but pushed himself away from the table and got up without further complaint.

"Sorry I monopolized the conversation, Em," I said. "Let's circle back when you're done, all right? I want to hear all about Nasir."

"Sure," he agreed, "Though hopefully he'll be here soon," he frowned and took out his mobile, presumably to check for any texts or messages. His frown deepened when he found none.

"I'm sure he'll be here shortly, Emmy," I said, feeling like a jerk for bringing up a sore subject.

"Yeah, I'm sure you're right," he said absentmindedly. Then he turned to Justin. "So where do they want us this time?" he asked as Justin led him away.

I looked back to the empty table, picked up my beer bottle and drained in one last long swallow. I looked at my watch again. Now that I'd committed to staying around for a little while to speak with Em again, I was stuck. I cursed myself and my own stupidity.

"Need a refill?"

I froze. I'd know that voice anywhere. I felt blindsided, cornered. I fought hard against the instinct to flee, reminding myself that I'd just told Em I could be civil. Slowly, I turned my head to face him.

"Hello again, Edward," I said, my voice frosty .

"Hi, Jasper," he sounded slightly uncertain. "Mind if I join you? I thought maybe we could talk?"

I wanted to tell him that yes, I minded very much if he joined me, and that we had nothing to talk about, but that would hardly have been classified as a civil response, so instead I just gestured to one of the empty seats. Edward pulled out a chair and sat down, placing one of the bottles of beer he was holding in front of me.

"Thanks," I muttered and pulled a long swallow, nearly forcing myself to set the bottle down. I watched him do the same. An extremely awkward silence stretched between us.

"So," I said when I could no longer stand the silence. "Long time, no see."

"Yes," he said. We each took another long swallow of beer, followed by another long silence. This really was too much for me to handle.

"Well, " I said as I pushed my chair away from the table, "It was nice seeing you again . . . "

"Wait," he said urgently. "Please, don't go yet," I froze in my chair again.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," he offered. "This is even more difficult than I thought it would be."

I nodded. On that point, at least, we were in complete agreement. I waited again, having absolutely nothing to say to him.

"I guess I really wanted to apologize for showing up without warning six years ago," he finally said. "I should have realized that you wouldn't have been ready for that. I should have tried calling first, or writing. Of course, you'd ignored all those forms of communication already, so seeing you was the only way I could be sure you'd hear what I needed to tell you. But I realized too late how much that visit shook you up. I don't have a good excuse. I was just desperate. And stupid."

"OK," it sounded lame, but I didn't know what else to say. We suffered through another long and awkward silence, before he started speaking again.

"The day you left, I didn't know what to do or think. At first I was frantic. I thought maybe James had somehow gotten in and grabbed you," I looked at him sharply and could tell he was being honest. For the first time in six years I felt like a real heel. I'd never considered that he might construe my leaving as a kidnapping.

"You didn't leave a note, didn't call, wouldn't take any of my calls . . . I finally went to Emmett and all he would tell me is that you left town to think and that he didn't know where you were. And I didn't understand, Jasper. You told me you wanted more too, and then you left without a word . . ."

I close my eyes and shook my head. I didn't want to think about this. I most definitely didn't want to feel sorry for Edward. This was supposed to be a weekend for exorcising ghosts and demons, not re-opening old wounds.

"Time went by and you still wouldn't call me back or reply to e-mails," he continued. "I had to find out from Emmett that you were gone for good when he came to pack up your stuff. That was . . .oh fuck, I promised myself I'd be honest . . . that was devastating. To find out that you were running from me, and then to know that I terrified you so much that you actually left town permanently. I mean, you didn't even run that far from James. And you gave him face to face closure."

I stared at him blankly. I really did not want to hear any of this. He's a con man, I told myself He knows just what to say and how to say it to get you back in his clutches. He is the enemy. He cannot be trusted.

But even I didn't really believe that. If he was any of these things he would not be here, at this reception. Seth was just too perceptive to not recognize a bad guy when he saw one and he certainly would never have invited or permitted Edward to be at his reception if Edward was a bad guy. And, of course, Emmett had trusted Edward too, almost from the very beginning. While Emmett was perhaps not as reliable as Seth, he was a pretty good judge of character as well. There was no way Edward could possibly keep fooling Emmett & Seth for nearly six years.

I felt the contents of my stomach churn dangerously as I realized that everything I had always believed about the day I flew to New York may have been wrong. I was acting out of pure self-preservation when I decided to flee, so I hadn't thought at all about how Edward would feel and how he might interpret my actions. And I never seriously considered the possibility that my presumptions about him had been wrong. Now, for the first time, I was seeing the situation through his eyes, and the impact of that vision was powerful.

The sudden awareness of how horribly I'd behaved, how I had treated Edward, my best friend, worse than I'd treated James, was absolutely nauseating. I pushed my chair away from the table some more and lowered my head to between my knees. Was this what you were supposed to do it you were nauseous or faint? Well, it didn't matter. At least in this position I didn't have to look at his face, didn't have to acknowledge the anguish I saw there, for which I knew I was at least partially responsible.

"Jasper, are you OK? Do you need a doctor? Should I get help?" He sounded so alarmed. I groaned quietly. I did not deserve his concern.

"I'm fine," I replied, my head still between my knees. Then I raised my upper body and leaned with both hands against the table edge. "I'm fine," I said again. "I just need a minute"

I crossed my arms on the table in front of me and laid my head over them, hiding my face. I couldn't look him in the eye. I just couldn't.

I felt him slide his chair closer to mine. "Can I get you anything? Do you need some water?" I felt his hand on my back and I flinched, feeling undeserving of the kindness. He yanked his hand away and I knew he must have thought I rejected his touch. I continued to hurt him, even now.

I tried to take deep, even breaths as I continued to hide my face in my arms. The nausea was slowly ebbing. I couldn't continue avoiding Edward. Little did I know when I headed for the airport this morning that instead of conquering long-held fears I would be forced to face my own mistakes and failures.

Slowly, I sat back up and turned to look at Edward. He was watching me carefully, warily.

"It was not my intention to make you sick or uncomfortable," he said softly. "I'm sorry for bringing up painful memories on what should have been a happy day for everyone. It was selfish. I should have taken the hint earlier and accepted that you didn't want to talk. I'm really sorry. Other than going away, is there anything I can do to make this right?"

I shook my head, silently disputing his statements. He took it as an answer to his question and pushed his chair back, clearly intending to leave. I grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"No. Please stay. This isn't your fault." He seemed to settle in his chair again, so I let go of his wrist and shook my head again.

"I know I'm acting strangely. I apologize. It's just that, until now I never considered how you felt when I left. I didn't realize how different things might have looked from your perspective. You're absolutely right. I should have said something, left you an explanation. I behaved like a complete thoughtless asshole I'm sorry Edward. Regardless of how I felt, I hadn't intended for you to be left in the dark or to suffer the way you had. I never intended to treat you worse than I had James. I really regret that."

His expression became completely inscrutable. If I didn't know better I'd guess he was using the same calming techniques I'd used earlier in the evening.

"Thank you," he finally said. "Over the years I forced myself to believe that because I really needed to believe it to get on with my life, but hearing confirmation from your lips? Well, it means more than I can say. Thank you. I know that couldn't have been easy, especially if you've never thought of it that way before."

"I really hadn't," I said, shaking my head. "Leaving was an instinctive response. I needed to protect myself from pain. I didn't realize that in the process I'd be causing you pain.

"I wish I could explain to you what happened to me that night, what went through my head. I was terrified of what was happening. Some of the things you said and did just seemed so similar to what initially happened with James, and I was scared. I thought if I went away I could save myself and maybe even you. I considered leaving an explanation, but I didn't know how to say what I was feeling. I really am sorry for that, Edward.

"I never thought about how what I did could be perceived as treating you worse than I had James. For whatever it's worth, the face to face confrontation with James would never have happened if he hadn't shown up at the apartment. And I went further away when I left you . . . " I paused for a moment. This was an evening of revelations for me. I didn't remember ever using those words to describe that act. In my mind it was always an act of escape, a reaction, not an affirmative act of leaving. The whole situation was starting to feel like everything I thought I knew about me and Edward had been hidden behind a mask, and the mask was finally getting lifted. It was rather surreal.

"Why?," he asked quietly. "Please, I need to know."

"I went further away when I left you because you had more power and influence over me. Because I had never been able to resist you. Because I was even more terrified than I had been with James that if I had any contact with you, the smallest contact, you'd convince me to come back. And when you came to see me in Rochester, you very nearly did just that."

Even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I couldn't believe the things I was telling him. I looked down at the beer. I didn't think I had so much to drink that I would lose all my inhibitions. For a moment I wondered if he had slipped something into my beer before handing it to me, but dismissed the ridiculous thought immediately. Maybe he hadn't been the only one to crave that face-to-face closure.

Edward nodded, and looked down at the table.

"You don't have to explain, Jasper. I know how you felt that night and I know what I did to make you feel that way. Obviously you already know this after my unfortunate slip in Rochester, but when Emmett and I started talking, which was a while after you left, he told me exactly why you felt you had to leave. Once I knew, once I saw it from your perspective, I understood. It wasn't your fault, Jasper. After James, how could you have seen it any other way? I should have realized, but back then I was messed up as well . . .

"Anyway, I was so grateful to Emmett for opening my eyes, for making me see what you saw. It finally made me see that I needed to change, and that I needed help to do so.

"I hope bringing this up again doesn't change things between you and Emmett again. I was so happy when you two reconnected. I hated that he had lost you too because of me, even for a while. And it's water under the bridge now anyway, right? But at the time, if he hadn't explained . . . It was a pretty dark time in my life, Jasper. He may have saved my life, and I think he knew it."

I looked up at him in shock. Had he really meant it? I leaned back away from the table and took a deep breath. God! If something had happened to him, if he had died or even been seriously hurt because of something I did, if I had been even a fraction of the cause, that would have killed me.

"You stopped eating again when I left?" It was a question, but I already knew the answer.

"Yes, among other things."

I exhaled loudly as I ran both of my hands up my face and through my hair before interlacing the fingers behind my neck and leaning forward to rest my elbows on the table. I left him alone, with no one to look after him, when he hadn't even fully recovered from the last time I was gone. He had put himself at risk protecting me from James, helped me recover my strength, supported me as I came out to my family, confessed his innermost feelings, and I'd repaid him by abandoning him just when he needed me the most. I didn't mean to hurt him. I thought I was doing the right thing for both of us. But what would have happened if Emmett hadn't stepped in?

I shuddered. I simply wasn't prepared to deal with any of this. The emotions were overwhelming. The guilt, sorrow, and self-loathing - I couldn't handle it all. For a moment I wondered if I was in danger of having another breakdown. But no, I couldn't let myself fall apart again. I had the tools. I knew what I had to do. I just needed to work on the breathing and to visualize a happy moment. I counted silently with each inhale and exhale and tried to focus on the day Peter signed the first client for his catering business. He had been so nervous prior to the meeting, investing so much time and effort into preparing his client pitch, complete with elaborate storyboards of what the food tables would look like and, of course, sample dishes, so that everything that day was just perfect. When he came by the studio after the meeting to tell me he got the account, his excitement and joy had been absolutely contagious. I don't think I had ever been as happy about anything in my own life as I was for him on that day. I now used that image of his smiling dimpled face to help me remember that the good things in life outweighed the bad. Problems could be fixed and mistakes could be corrected, wrongs could be righted.

My breathing finally returned to normal and I was once again calm. I unlaced my fingers and sat up again, glancing in Edward's direction. He was looking at me again with that indiscernible expression.

"Again, Edward, I don't know how I can ever apologize enough. I'm glad Emmett was there for you. I'm so sorry I couldn't be. I never wanted to hurt you. I just didn't want to be hurt myself."

"Jas, I'm not looking for an apology," he said earnestly. "Really, I understand why you left, I do. I was just hoping for a chance to explain my side, and that maybe we could re-connect, like you did with Emmett? We were friends for so many years. I know I was a total shit for a lot of that time, but I always cared about you, you have to believe that."

"I know you did," I said quietly. "I haven't forgotten everything you've done for me."

We kept talking, oblivious to our surroundings. The subjects were pretty heavy, and we each on occasion had to take a break, stop talking and re-focus mentally. Eventually, our talk shifted to lighter stuff. Our careers, what we had been up to since we last saw each other. Once the dirty laundry had been brought out, aired out, and sterilized by the light of day, we shifted into the familiar role of friends, albeit friends who had not seen each other in years and no longer knew if they had anything in common except their past.

At one point I looked around and noticed that we were one of the few remaining people in the room. The DJ was packing up his equipment. Waiters were milling around picking up leftover dishes and napkins. It looked like we'd missed last call at the bar. In a corner of the room I saw a photographer taking pictures of Seth, Garrett, Emmett and a fourth man I didn't recognize, but whom I instantly knew was Nasir. I breathed a sigh of relief for Emmett.

Trying hard not to be rude, I snuck a glance at my watch. It was close to midnight. I had to leave, and leave soon if I had any hope of catching that beer with Tex. The time difference was starting to catch up with me and I was exhausted. I waited for an opportune moment before saying "This has really been great, Edward, and I'm glad we had a chance to talk, but it's getting late. I think we'd better leave before the staff has to chase us out."

Edward looked around, making the same observations I had. His face lit up with a smile when he saw the grooms with Emmett and Nasir, and I knew he was just as happy for Emmett as I was. Then he turned to me.

"Are you staying here? The hotel bar stays open pretty late."

"No. I'm staying at the Sorrento, actually."

"Oh, well, I could give you a ride, or did you drive?"

"I walked, but I'm not exactly going back to the hotel. I'm actually meeting a friend for a drink. Tonight was the only time we could get together . . ." I didn't know why my explanation felt so awkward. It wasn't as though I owed Edward any explanations. And he really had no reason to look as disappointed as he did.

"I guess I just feel like this wasn't enough time," he explained. "Like we have so much more to talk about. I think it says something about us that we can have the kind of conversation we had tonight, even after all these years with no contact. I can see that you've changed, Jas. I've changed as well. I'd like to think we both changed for the better. I know we can't go back to the way things were before, but I do miss our friendship, all the time. I would really like to get to know you again. I'd really like for us to be friends again. Do you think that's possible? Do you think that might be something that interests you?"

I looked at him and considered. He sounded so hopeful. We lived across the country from one another. The only contact we'd be likely to have was over phone or e-mail and, as I found out before, that could be easily severed if the need arose. Plus, I could cope better now. And I did enjoy our talk. Maybe trying to re-establish a friendship would not be the worst thing.

"Sure, Edward. When I get back to New York I'll get your contact information from Emmett and get in touch."

"Okay," he was trying to look neutral, but I could tell he was disappointed. Then he got a glint in his eye. "Maybe we could still do something while you're in town? Are you free tomorrow morning? We could get together for breakfast."

I looked at my watch again, wondering what time I would actually go to sleep. Never a morning person to begin with, I did not want to have to start my Sunday before I was ready.

"Or maybe brunch?" he offered, seeing my hesitance.

"OK, sure," I agreed, knowing I'd have to eat sometime anyway. A brunch in a public place seemed pretty safe. And he was right, we weren't quite done with our conversation tonight. We discussed the details and agreed that Edward would pick me up at 11:00 and we'd go to brunch at Martin's.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Edward," I said as I stood and held out my hand to shake his. He looked at it for a moment, then took it into his firm grip, pumping our arms a little too vigorously.

"See you tomorrow, Jasper. I'm looking forward to it. And thanks, for tonight. For talking to me. After what happened before dinner I was afraid. . . "

"You really didn't give me much choice, Edward," I said. I intended to tease, but felt horrible when I saw a shadow cross his face. I supposed given everything that happened between us, we needed to work our way up to the teasing stage. "And I'm glad," I quickly added. "This was good. It was necessary. And I wouldn't have initiated it myself. Thank you. I'm . . ." I hesitated again, wanting to make sure I said exactly the right thing. "I'm looking forward to being friends again. But now I'd better go and say my goodbyes to the grooms."

He nodded, and I walked briskly to the group of four men sharing a Champagne toast. I slowed down to make sure they were done before I interrupted, taking a quick moment to send Tex a text. His response came back immediately -- he was on his way. Noting that the men were done with their toast, I walked up to the group.

"Seth, Garrett," I said, addressing the grooms first. "Congratulations again and thank you for inviting me to share this day with you. It was truly amazing and I wish you both a long and happy life together. Garrett, I'm afraid this one," I pointed to Seth with my chin, "will probably cause you a few premature gray hairs, but as I'm sure you already know, he's more than worth that little sacrifice."

Garrett, Emmett and Nasir all laughed. Seth was trying to look offended, but I saw the smile lurking in the corners of his lips. I leaned down to kiss those lips lightly and whispered in his ear "Have a great time tonight." He was smiling fully when I stood again. I kissed Garrett on the lips as well, figuring I couldn't treat the grooms differently, and earned myself a light punch from Seth and mutterings about molesting his new husband in the process.

Next I turned to Emmett and Nasir.

"Sorry we never had that second talk, Emmett, but it looks like now it's unnecessary."

Em smiled a wide smile. The relief and joy at having his partner by his side was absolutely beautiful to see.

"Yeah, let me introduce you. Jasper, this is the love of my life, Nasir. Nasi, this is Jasper."

I looked closely at the man standing next to Emmett. He was tall, almost as tall as Em, probably taller than me. Trim with an athletic built, he had short dark hair and closely trimmed facial hair. No one who looked at him could describe him as anything other than handsome, and there was something else, something in his bearing, in the impeccable way he was dressed even now, with his tie off and the top buttons of his shirt undone, something strong and vigorous and potent. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I liked it. I could instantly tell he was a good match for Em.

The man's face lit up when he heard my name. I held my hand out to shake his. He took it, but instead of shaking it he used it to pull me into a hug.

"Jasper, it's so good to finally meet you! Emmett speaks of you so fondly. I wish you would come out to Seattle more often. Emmett and Sethy have both missed you and I would like to get to know you myself."

I pulled back from the hug, a bit overwhelmed by the unexpectedly warm welcome.

"It's good to meet you as well, Nasir and, as a matter of fact, I may very well be coming out to Seattle more frequently in the future. Some of the reasons why I haven't been back for a while are no longer there."

I looked at Em as I said this, and was rewarded with another smile, which I gladly returned. "But for now, it's getting late and I must be off. Enjoy the rest of your evening, gentlemen." Emmett and I exchanged a long hug and then we all hugged and murmured some more farewells before I exited to the mezzanine.

I headed outside, excited to see Tex. After what happened tonight, I needed to talk to him more than ever. He was possibly the only person on earth who could put everything that went on in perspective and give me an unbiased opinion. And he always seemed to know me better than I knew myself.

As I walked out of the hotel I could see him, sitting astride a sleek, black motorcycle, helmet on and visor up, a barely visible, lazy smile gracing his face. I raised an eyebrow as I walked towards him.

"Well, Cowboy," I said through a smirk, "I should have known you'd show up on your steel horse."

I hadn't noticed the second helmet that had been resting on the seat between his legs until he pulled it up and tossed it to me.

"Put that on and hop on, Slick. I'll take you for a ride of your life."

I laughed, knowing he was by nature a prankster and this was just his way of teasing me. I decided to play his game.

"Well, I'm sure fascinated by that monster between your legs, Tex," I replied, "but I think I'll settle for a lift to the bar."

He blanched, pulling his head back in mock outrage.

"What did you think I meant, Slick? Didja miss me that much? Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm already taken."

I laughed as I pulled the helmet onto my head and climbed on the back of the bike behind him, making sure to leave some space between us. I placed my hands on his hips, hooking my thumbs though the loops of his jeans.

"Hold on, Slick," he said, looking back at me over his shoulder, "This is gonna be fast."

"Just get me there in one piece, Cowboy," The last part of my request was lost in the roar as Tex started the bike and peeled away from the hotel and onto the street. I'd never actually ridden a bike before and I soon realized how foolish I was in thinking I could coolly hang back keeping a distance between Tex and me. In just a few seconds I was scooting up behind Tex, my arms wrapped tightly around his waist as I hung on for dear life. I felt his abs move in laughter and I vowed to get even somehow, but only after I was once again safely standing on my own two feet.

As promised, it took hardly any time for us to pull into the drive of my hotel. I got off the bike, my legs a little shaky. Tex said he'd wait with the bike and have a smoke, so I handed him helmet and headed inside, making my way to my room and changing quickly into a pair of jeans and a rugby shirt. I was back down before he even finished his cigarette.

"I thought you were gonna quit that filthy habit," I chided him as I placed the helmet back on my head.

"I'm getting there," he said. "Down to 1 or 2 a day. Now that there's practically no place in the world you can smoke anymore, it's been easier. But sometimes life just isn't complete without a bit of tobacco."

The ride to the bar was as fast as the ride between hotels, and soon we were walking into the casual sports bar filled with Saturday night patrons. Even at this hour the place was packed, and even though this was clearly a sports bar, the clientele seemed to be on our team. So much for quiet conversation, I thought. Tex, who was obviously a regular and known by the staff, made his way to the bar and got us a couple of beers, then led the way to a slightly more private area in the back, away from the bar, pool tables and the juke box. We clinked the bottoms of our beer bottles together and each took a swig, then embraced in a belated greeting before pulling apart again.

"It's good to see you, Slick. I never thought I'd see the day you came back to Seattle. You said you were here for a weddin'?"

"Yeah, my friend Seth, Mr. 'Never the Same Cock Twice,' finally changed his tune."

"Seth? Seth Clearwater? How did I never realize you were friends with Seattle's legendary power bottom?"

I groaned. "Don't tell me you . . ."

Tex laughed. "No worries, Slick, I never have. When I first got here I met Wash, and after he left I swore off guys for a while. By the time I came back on the market I wasn't interested in being evaluated, so I passed on the pleasure of your friend's company. But boy, did news travel fast when he decided to settle down. And today he made it official, huh?"

"Yup, and he couldn't be happier. I guess he was just waiting for the right guy to come along."

"I know how that is," Tex said, taking another drink of his beer.

"So how are things going with Wash, anyway? He didn't mind you coming out in the middle of the night to have a drink with a former bed mate? Or didn't you tell him?"

"I cashed in a chip," Tex said. "As you can imagine, I have a few. I save them for special occasions."

"Actually, I would have brought him with me, but I figured you'd want to talk about some stuff you might not be comfortable discussing in front of a stranger. Plus, if he were here we couldn't talk about him."

We both laughed.

"So are you happy? Everything working out?"

Tex smiled a wide smile. "You know, I am happy. And it is working out. Don't get me wrong, it's not paradise. He's still an uptight prick sometimes and we still fight. And sometimes, when he goes out of town . . . well, let's just say that's when the daily cigarette average gets a bit higher. But I keep reminding myself that he made a commitment to me and we love each other and I have to trust him. Just like he has to trust me tonight.

"It's not always easy, but that's any relationship, right? You have to work at it, overlook some faults, work on the differences, compromise. But if you truly love one another it's all worth it. And the one thing Wash and I figured out is that we do truly love one another. I've never been as good as when I'm with him."

I took a long, careful look at him, not an easy task in the dark bar. I noticed his smile lines were a bit deeper and he had a few more lines around his eyes, but more than anything, for the first time he finally looked complete. That haunted look he used to have, the one he kept well hidden but that I could always sense beneath the surface, was now gone. He hadn't been lying -- he really was happy.

"What about you, Slick? The guy from your past, the one you've been avoiding all this time? Was he there?"

I took a drink of my beer. There was no point in hiding things from Tex. If I wanted his advice I had to tell him what happened.

"Yeah, he was there," I replied carefully.

"And? What did you do? You don't seem particularly depressed, so I guess whatever you did was a success."

I hesitated. I wasn't sure what yard stick to use to measure success. The whole evening turned out so differently than I wanted it to, but not necessarily in a bad way. I decided that instead of trying to evaluate it, I would just tell him what happened.

Just then a group of men who had been sitting at a nearby table departed, so Tex and I moved to grab the seats. Tex went to grab a couple more beers and when he returned I relayed everything, from my initial panic to the cold conversation at the bar, to the ultimate hours-long discussion, and, finally, to the plans for brunch. He listened patiently with only small interruptions to ask for more details or a clarification. When I was done he stared at me for a while, still not speaking. I fidgeted nervously.

"So, what do you think?" I finally asked.

"I think that every story has two sides and you finally found out the flip side of yours. And it clearly wasn't what you were expecting. And I think you're pleased because you still have feelings for this guy that you never managed to bury deep enough to truly kill them."

"I don't know, Tex," I said. looking away from him, rather uncomfortable with his frank assessment. "I feel badly about what happened, about hurting him. I'm not sure that's the equivalent of having feelings for him. Besides, we're not even really friends right now. We haven't spoken in nearly six years. All I'm thinking about right now is repairing the friendship."

Tex looked at me skeptically.

"Is he with anyone?" he asked.

"He didn't have a date to the wedding, and Emmett said he was single. Of course, that could mean anything short of marriage or living with someone, right?

Tex sighed. "And are you still. . .?"

I looked down at the table and then back up straight into his eyes. "Nothing's changed for me," I replied, "And it would kill Peter to know that I'm even thinking of being friends with Edward again."

"So are you gonna tell Peter?"

"I will if he asks," I said, hating how cagey and deceptive that sounded.

"But you're not gonna volunteer information," Tex finished for me. "I'm disappointed in you, Slick. I would have thought by now you'd realize that honesty is the key to good relationships. Whether by commission or omission, lying never helps."

I sighed. I knew he was right.

"I'll tell him," I justified, "But only if this friendship thing really takes root. I mean, no point in upsetting things if this goes nowhere."

Tex arched an eyebrow.

"Slick, you and I both know there's not a chance in hell you and this guy are not gonna be friends after an evening like tonight. That's not even a question. So if you wait to tell Peter, you're just postponing the inevitable. With everything he's done for you, I think you owe it to him to be honest. Take it from someone who knows, honesty never hurts as much as being lied to or kept in the dark. Don't be that guy, Slick. Man up and tell him what's happening and deal with the consequences. I know Peter and I know he cares about you. He may not like it or agree, but in the end he will want what's best for you.

"Now, as for you and the ex, the only question is are you gonna be more than friends? Whether you want to admit it or not, to me or yourself, you have feelings for him that go beyond friendship. And I'd bet big money he still feels the same. I think we both know there will come a time when you have to make a choice, and when that time comes I hope you go with your heart and don't let fear get in the way. If you were wrong about him to begin with, or even if you were right and he's changed, and if you both decide you want the same thing now, don't let the past get in the way of your future.

"Wash isn't perfect. He never will be. I'm sure from time to time he will do some really stupid shit, as will I. But even in the worst of it, being with him is better than being without him, because even in the worst of it we know we love each other. If you and this guy have that kind of a connection, and I think you do, you have to grab it and hold onto it, because it doesn't come along that often. It looks like you're getting a second chance, just like I did. I only hope yours turns out as good as mine."

I contemplated Tex's advice even as the conversation moved on to other topics. Tex always told it like he saw it, and he had personal experience with this type of thing. But his situation was different, too. He didn't go through years of being controlled. He didn't go through James. I wondered if there was just too much past between us for Edward and me ever to build the kind of trust necessary to move beyond friendship. Hell, I wondered if we could even be friends.

Before I realized it was time for last call. I was exhausted, and I groaned thinking about having to get up early to meet Edward for brunch the next day. Tex took me back to the hotel and we hugged goodbye, promising to do a better job of keeping in touch in the future. It was past 2:00 a.m. when I finally shed my clothing, arranged for a wake-up call, and crawled into the plush king-size bed. My brain begged to be shut down, but anticipation of the next day's brunch kept the neurons firing, thoughts swirling with snippets of our earlier conversation. I'd come back to Seattle in part to bury my past. Instead I resurrected it, with no idea of what the future would hold. In the end, I was too exhausted to stay conscious long, but I fell asleep thinking of Edward.


Author's Note: The companion/continuation of this story is Errors & Omissions, told entirely from Edward's point of view. It's a difficult read as well - please read and heed the warnings.


Enticements & Obstructions is Rick's story, told entirely from his point of view.    Before you read that story, I'd highly recommend reading JTrue's Culture Shock, as reading Enticements first will spoil a key moment in Culture Shock.


Culture Shock is Emmett & Nasir's story.  It starts right where this epilogue ended and then beautifully covers the relationship not just between these two men, but also between them and all the other Settle-based characters, including Edward. There will be some very minor Errors spoilers in Culture Aftershock.  If you do not want to read them, you should consider reading Errors through chapter 37, then reading Culture Shock then returning to Errors :).


Culture Aftershock is (surprise!) Jtrue's sequel to Culture Shock.  Another highly recommended read as Emmett and Nasir's story continues.


Linden Garden, Notting Hill is a companion story to Enticements & Obstructions, telling the story of Greg & Viktor as well as all the other London-based boys.


Links to all of the above are in the side-bar of this blog.