Chapter 15

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Chapter 15: Reconsideration

I opened my eyes slowly, not really wanting to acknowledge that I was awake. In waking moments the reality of my situation was almost too much to bear. Not for the first time, I wondered how I had let things get to this point and why I seemed incapable of doing anything to stop what was happening. I felt like I was floating in an ocean among huge waves, just barely able to keep my head up to take the desperately needed breath before being overwhelmed again. And the storm wasn't getting any better. The waves were getting bigger and bigger and more frequent and there were fewer and fewer opportunities to take those breaths. I was close to drowning, and there was no rescue or land in sight.

I glanced at the bedside alarm clock and immediately turned to reach for the phone. James liked for me to call him at very precise times when he was out of town, and I was nearly late. I groaned with pain, my torso and back protesting against the sudden movement, but took the phone anyway and pressed the speed dial.

"Good morning, Honey," his voice was soft and sweet. "Did you have a good night?"

"How could it be a good night without you here by my side? I've missed you, Sweetheart."

It was all routine. I knew what he wanted to hear and I repeated my lines like a fuckin' Hollywood star. The truth was I hadn’t missed him, not last night. In fact, it was the most relaxing night I'd had since his last overnight trip.

"Tell me what you missed."

This was my cue. I knew he was still in his hotel room, dick in hand, waiting for me to start talking dirty. I also knew I'd better deliver one hell of a good and quick orgasm. In the mornings there just wasn't that much time.

"I missed your body lying next to mine; your hands on my skin, stroking me; your cock in my mouth and then in my ass."

"Mm," he murmured, "tell me more. What would you have done if I had been there last night?"

I was ready for this question having, in fact, spent some time the previous night coming up with a suitable fantasy. I relayed my practiced script with ease and just the appropriate level of breathlessness.

"First I would have kissed you. Those slow, romantic kisses you love so much as you took off my shirt and ran your hands over my chest and down my pants, my nipples and cock already so hard for you in anticipation. Then I would have begged to take off your clothes so I could feel your skin on mine, and when you gave your permission I would have used my teeth & tongue to undo all the buttons and zippers and worshipped your entire body with my tongue and mouth as I pulled off your clothes. When you were finally completely nude I would ask to suck your glorious cock deep into my mouth . . ."

"That's right, you like sucking my cock, don't you, Jasper?" This was a trick question. Mere agreement was not enough.

"You know I don't just like sucking your cock, James, I love it. I love you scent and your flavor and the feeling of your head sliding down my throat as you fuck my mouth. And I love it when you fill my mouth with your sweet cum so I can swallow it down like the nectar that it is. But last night you would not have done that. Last night you would not have let me take that sweet cock into my mouth. You would only have let me use my tongue to lick your shaft and to circle your head and taste the delicious precum gathering at the tip while I used my fingers to stretch myself for you. Then, when you were ready, you would have pushed me face down onto the bed and told me to spread my ass for you and when I did you would have plunged your cock into my tight hole, over and over, harder and deeper each time."

I could hear his breathing getting irregular and knew it was nearly over.

"Keep going, Honey, tell me more," he grunted.

"You'd pump your hard dick into me and pull up my ass and tell me to make myself come. And I would grab my cock and it would hardly take any time because feeling your cock in my ass slamming in and out of me would feel so good. And soon I'd be coming all over my hand and the contractions of my ass would send you on your way and you'd fuck me still harder and deeper over and over and over until . . ."

"Fuck," I heard James exclaim and I knew I had accomplished my goal.

"Until you filled my ass with your cum," I finished quickly, knowing he would want me to. For a moment there was silence filled with our mutual heavy breathing, his genuine and mine well practiced. He would have been furious if he knew I faked all my recent phone orgasms, but I could no longer touch myself when thinking of him except in his presence. It was just as well, because it was hard enough for me to come then anyway, even with waiting longer in between. And I couldn't exactly fake coming when he was around.

It wasn't that long ago when I loved all of it, loved the way I felt when he touched me, loved sucking his cock, loved when he fucked me senseless making me come so damn hard. But now it was all I could do to get hard and come when I needed to try and avoid his fury. The one time I'd failed to reach my orgasm he didn't hesitate to show me exactly how disappointed he'd been. I didn't understand it. I didn't know why everything had changed and why nothing I did seemed to make things better.

"That was great, Jasper. You're my talented golden boy."

"You inspire me, Sweetheart. I've been lonely without you. You know when you're not here all I do is think about you," There was a knot in the pit of my stomach as the lies slid smoothly from my throat. How much longer could I keep this up?

"Well, we both know that's not all you do. In fact, remind me of today's schedule again?"

I held back a frustrated sigh that threatened to break out. He didn't need a reminder. He knew damn well what my schedule was. This was just his way of reminding me that he knew.

"I have a couple of lectures in the morning, then one after lunch. And then I'm coming straight home." I said.

"That's right. And you'll call me at lunch, of course."

"Yes, Sweetheart, of course I will. I wouldn't miss talking to you."

"Good. I look forward to it. Twelve sharp. I've set aside time."

I heard the command and warning loud and clear.

"I'll talk to you then, James. Have a great morning."

"You too, Jasper. Be good and behave."

The phone went silent and I knew the connection was broken. I set the receiver back in its cradle and leaned back against the pillows. All I had to do today was avoid everyone when I went to class and call James at noon. Simple. Then another phone call when I got home and one tonight. Otherwise I would have the day all to myself. He wasn't due to return until tomorrow evening. I took as deep a breath as I could, still wincing in pain a little. It was going to be another good, relaxing night. And God knew I needed it.

I shifted off the bed and stood up carefully, then walked slowly into the bathroom. I adjusted the water in the shower then pissed while it warmed up. I looked at my body in the full length mirror. The bruising around my ribs was fading, but I still had trouble breathing or moving, so I knew the ribs weren't fully healed. I wondered if they ever would fully heal, given his propensity to strike that area. The belt buckle shaped bruise from where he'd hit me a couple of days ago was darkening nicely into an interesting shade of purple and green. Other bruises covering the spectrum of colors, from black, purple, blue to green and faded yellow peppered my torso. Stripes of raised red welts lined my stomach and upper thighs. Finger shaped bruises encircled my upper arms like tattoo sleeves. I didn't bother picking up the small mirror to examine my back, knowing without looking that it was similarly covered with bruises and welts. There was no possibility of thinking this was some sort of a nightmare with the evidence staring me in the face every day.

Disgusted with myself, I turned away from the mirror and stepped into the shower. I knew things were never going to get better, so why was I still here? I could leave. I could walk out the door right now, never to return. I wasn't a prisoner. I had moved here voluntarily and I could leave the same way. Why did I stay?

But if I did leave, where would I go and what would I do? I had no money. I'd used the last of my discretionary funds to pay off rent at the apartment, leaving me with almost nothing. I couldn't call my parents for more -- what would I possibly tell them? Even though Emmett and Seth and I had nominally patched up our differences as I was leaving, I didn't think they'd want me back at their place after having been ignored all this time. I certainly couldn't move back in with Edward and I had no other friends. I supposed if I explained what was happening, someone would take pity on me and take me in, but how could I admit that I'd allowed James to do this to me? What would they think of me? They wouldn't understand. They would think I asked for this to happen. Especially Emmett and Seth. Hadn't they tried to warn me? How much sympathy would they have for me after I so cavalierly rejected their advice? No, turning to friends was definitely not an option.

I thought about shelters, but even if I could find one, that wasn't a permanent solution. Besides, they were likely to be even more dangerous for me than this apartment, especially as injured as I already was. I was stuck. I didn't even have a car to live in. The situation was dismal and all I could do was to make the best of it and hope against hope that something would change.

I finished washing and dried off carefully, then got dressed. I examined myself in the mirror again, making sure all bruises were hidden. Not that anyone paid much attention to me these days, but I still didn't want anyone to know or to even innocently ask about any of the injuries. I called the car service for a pick up and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. I was done and downstairs in the 15 minutes it took for the car to arrive. Although it felt strange being chauffeured to campus, James had insisted. He didn't want me walking around the city by myself. And really, the way I felt, it would have taken forever to walk to school or even to the bus. This one time James' and my needs completely coincided.

My first two lectures were uneventful. I sat towards the back and tried not to fidget in the uncomfortable wooden seats. I took careful notes. This was the last week of classes before finals, and I knew from last term that professors often tried to squeeze in all the material they fell behind on during the quarter into their lectures this week. They also gave away a lot of hints as to what would be on the final exam, so it was more important than ever to pay attention. I gritted my teeth and did not allow the constant ache in my body to distract me from my work.

No matter how much pain I was in, I was determined to persevere, to continue attending school. James was starting to be more and more insistent that I switch to on-line courses, but I was not willing to give in on this point. My parents were paying for school and there was no plausible reason to explain why I would not attend school on campus. If I started attending an on-line university they would know something was wrong and would come out to look for me. I knew James did not want this. It was the only card I had left to play to keep this small measure of independence.

After the second lecture I made my way to the HUB, eager to grab a quick burger at Pickles & Fries. The ribs and the accompanying breathing difficulty slowed my movements. While I had plenty of time before my next class, the slow pace made me vulnerable, keeping me out in open spaces where the risk of running into people I knew was greatest. I crossed my fingers that today would be the same as the previous couple of weeks and that I would manage to somehow get through another day without seeing either Em or Seth, but my luck did not hold out. I was still a good way away from my destination when I saw Seth bouncing over to me from the opposite direction. I groaned, but somehow managed to contort my face into a friendly expression.

"Hey Jasper," Seth said when he finally reached me.

"Hi Seth," I sounded too neutral, but I just couldn't work up more enthusiasm. I was just grateful that my relationship with Seth had cooled enough that I didn't have to worry about him grabbing me into a hug, as Emmett would have done. That would have been painful.

"So you've gone into hiding again,"

"Huh?" It was easier to play dumb than to acknowledge the truth of his words and have to explain.

"I thought when you moved out you said we'd still hang out, but we've hardly seen you since then."

"Yeah, well, James and I have all these receptions to go to in the evenings and I study during the days, so . . ."

"So you don't have a single evening free to go out with your friends? Or even to hang out with them for lunch if they come to visit you?"

I looked at him sharply.

"Em was really hurt when you didn't have more than five minutes for him the day he went to see you," his voice was full of accusation. "He's been moping for the past three weeks. I tried to get in touch with you but, of course, you changed your phone number and don't respond to e-mail and you're never at home when I stop by. . . "

We were in front of the HUB now. I stopped and looked down at the sidewalk.

"Look, Seth . . ." I said quietly. "I'm really sorry about all that. I'm sorry about Em -- I didn't realize. . . I know I've been caught up with James, but it hasn't been that long."

"Seven weeks. It's been seven weeks since you moved out and in that time we've had lunch exactly once, right after, and nothing since. No calls, no e-mails, nothing except occasional glimpses of you on campus, and then you're always running away. In fact, I'm shocked you didn't run away today," he looked at me suspiciously.

I sighed.

"I need to grab lunch before my next class," I said. "Would you like to join me?"

Seth crossed his arms and leaned back. "You're damn right I'd like to join you. You have some explaining to do."

We walked to the Husky Den together and ordered our food. We settled in at an out of the way table. I was walking a lot slower than normal and winced a couple of times as my book bag hit a bruise on my hip. I knew Seth noticed everything, and had a story ready for when he asked, which he did as soon as we sat down.

"James and I have been working out in the gym at his building. I think I overdid it a little. Everything hurts." I said.

"That's not like you, Jas. I've worked out with you before. You're usually really careful and you know your limits. What the hell is really wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, Seth. Just some sore muscles. I was trying to impress James and I took it too far. End of story."

Somehow I managed to hold Seth's inquisitive gaze, forcing him to look away first. He took a bite of his hot dog and I could almost see the wheels in his brain spinning furiously, choosing the next path of attack.

"So I still don't get why you've been ignoring Em and me, but what I really don't understand is why you haven't called your mother. She's been absolutely frantic."

This was unexpected. I was horrified to realize that since that disastrous evening when I asked James if I could go home for a visit, I haven't given my family a thought at all. No wonder my mom was frantic. But what could I do? I had some change left over from lunch so I could maybe call her from a pay phone, except that James would expect me to account for the money and he'd be angry that I made calls outside of his presence. I knew I would need to ask him for permission to call her from home, but that would delay the conversation at least until he came home tomorrow.

"Edward said she called him and told him that if she didn't hear from you by the end of this week, she'd come out this weekend to personally see why you've been ignoring her."

My head snapped up in attention.

"You saw Edward? Why?"

"Because he doesn't know where you are either, and he doesn't believe that we don't have a way to get in touch with you any more than he does. Anyway, he came over a few weeks ago to tell us about your mom. At the time he bought a new phone -- you know, one of those no plan phones you pick up at supermarkets and buy cards with minutes?"

"Yeah?" I knew what he was talking about, but had absolutely no idea of the significance. Why would it matter to anyone what kind of phone Edward bought.

"I guess your mother didn't believe him when he couldn't give her a new number for you, so he gave her the number of this new phone. And she's been calling every day, sometimes twice a day, and leaving messages. Edward gave us the phone to give to you except, of course, you turned into a fucking ghost. And then a couple of days ago he came to deliver the other message, because you still hadn't returned her calls to the new number he gave her. Anyway, here's the phone."

He reached into his backpack, pulled out a phone and handed it to me. I took it hesitantly.

"It's not gonna bite you," Seth prompted. "And you should listen to her messages and call her before she drives out to Seattle and you have to explain why you're living with James and not Edward."

I was looking at the phone in my hand, a little shell shocked, not really knowing what to do.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Seth said, clearly frustrated. He grabbed the phone and flipped it open, scrolled though the menu and dialed the number. He listened, punched in a code and placed the phone to my ear. I heard the announcement of the time and date of the message, then my mother's voice. I took the phone from Seth again and started listening, following the prompts to save each message and move on to the next. Seth was right, the messages were getting increasingly more frantic. I felt my cheeks burn with shame. I had been an absolutely horrible, selfish son.

When I had finally listened to the last message I ended the connection. I turned to hand the phone back to Seth.

"It has enough minutes on it for you to call her," he said. "Why not just do it now and get it over with. She thinks the number is yours so she's bound to pick up."

I looked at the phone again. I didn't want to have this conversation in front of Seth. Then again, I had no other way to call my mother and I couldn't exactly take the phone back to the apartment with me. I didn't want to even think about what would happen if James found the phone and learned that I not only called home but had lunch with Seth.

That thought brought my brain to a screeching halt. Terrified, I looked at the display. The time read 12:15. Fuck! I'd missed my noon call to James!

I was instantly covered with a layer of cold sweat. This was horrible. He had set aside time to talk to me and I hadn't called. And I couldn't call now. At this point he would undoubtedly be meeting with a client and would not tolerate being disturbed. Besides, I couldn't speak to him in front of Seth and if I excused myself to go to the bathroom it would take too much time to walk there and back and I wouldn't have time to call my mother before I had to leave for class. No. At this point it was better to wait and talk to him this afternoon. I'd make some sort of excuse -- maybe a weak battery or talking to a professor. He'd have overnight to cool off a little and if I was really sweet to him the rest of the evening and tomorrow morning maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"Jasper, are you okay? You look sick. Do you need to go to the health center? I could go with you." Seth's voice brought me out of my thoughts and I panicked again.

"No," I quickly replied. "I'm fine. Just a little tired. These muscle aches are taking a lot out of me."

Seth's look was once again suspicious.

"Right. So are you gonna call her? Your mother?"

At this point there was no reason not to call her. I had enough to worry about with the missing phone call. There was no way I could bring my mother into the mix. At least if I called her now I could postpone having to deal with this issue for a while. I dialed my mom's mobile number and placed the call to my ear.

"Jasper, is that you?" she answered immediately. "Honey, I've been calling you for weeks. Why haven't you returned my calls? Is everything OK?" In her voice I could hear relief mixed with worry and anger.

"I'm sorry, mom. Everything's fine. I'm fine."

I continued to speak with her, blaming schoolwork, parties and my own sheer stupidity and thoughtlessness for not getting in touch sooner. I could hear her calming down as we spoke and I nearly sighed in relief. This call would buy me some time, maybe even weeks. I explained that we were going into finals and then made up a fake destination for Spring Break. She hadn't been expecting me to come home anyway, so this didn't raise any suspicions. After a few more minutes of reassurance and listening to news from home, I wrapped up the conversation and snapped the phone shut, handing it back to Seth. He didn't want to take it.

"Keep it," he said. "She might call again."

"No, she'll be fine for a while. And I really don't want this. Please, just give it back to Edward. Don't make me have to see him to do it myself."

It was a gamble, playing on Seth's sympathies, which I knew were not as extensive as Emmett's, but it worked. He took back the phone and put it in his bag.

"So now what?" he asked. "You disappear again for weeks on end?"

I sighed. "It's complicated, Seth."

"Nope," he disagreed. "It's pretty fucking simple. You just tell James that you need a night to re-connect with your friends and then you come over or we go out somewhere. Simple. Hell, you can even bring him if you have to, if you really can't spend an evening apart." I could tell he threw in the last option against his better judgment, his earlier dislike of James returning in full force.

"I'll talk to James, OK? I'll speak with him and let you know." It was a lie, but I didn't think there was any other way to put him off. When Seth set his mind on something he was like a fuckin' bloodhound.

I reached for my burger and started eating in earnest, realizing that my next class would start soon and I needed to allow extra time to get there. Accepting that our conversation was over, Seth reached for his food as well. We finished our respective lunches in silence, got up and threw away the garbage.

"So I'll talk to you soon?" Seth asked in confirmation as we exited the Union.

"Yeah, I'll be in touch. Say hi to Em for me, Seth, and please tell him that I'm sorry."

"No," Seth said. "I don't think I will. You can tell him yourself when you call."

There was a hint of malice in his voice, but I understood. He was just looking out for his best friend.

"All right, then. See you later," I said and turned to walk to my next class. I got there with a few minutes to spare, settled in, and started taking notes, allowing the lecture to distract me from my thoughts about what happened at lunch. I wasn't as lucky in the car on the ride home. Tears came to my eyes as I thought about how I'd treated my family and my best friends and how forgiving they all seemed to be of my despicable behavior. Maybe all hope wasn't lost after all? Maybe they would help me leave James is I asked them to? I needed to sit down and think things through. How much longer would I give James to change before I reached out to my friends to beg for their assistance?

After I got home I dropped off my bag in the office and was all ready to call James when I saw the blinking light on the answering machine. I walked over and pressed the play button.

"You goddamn, lying, cheating little fuck," James' enraged voice sent chills down my spine. "How dare you? How dare you meet up with that goddamn freak of a friend of yours and make mysterious phone calls instead of calling me? Did you think I wouldn't find out? Did you think you could lie to me, make some stupid excuse for missing the call and two-time me behind my back? Who the fuck do you think you are and how stupid do you think I am? Can you imagine how I felt? I set aside time to speak with you and I waited. And then not only did I not hear from you, but I had to be notified that you were meeting people I had forbidden you to meet so you could make calls to other people? I canceled my appointments for this afternoon and tomorrow and I'm coming home, and when I get there you'd better be there with a goddamn good explanation for what happened. And after final exams next week, you are never going to set foot on that campus again. Do you hear me, Jasper? I've allowed you way too much freedom and you have abused my trust. That's all going to change starting now. You're mine and mine alone. Don't ever even think about leaving that apartment unless I or one of my staff are by your side. And start working on that explanation. We have a lot of talking to do when I get home tonight."

I stared at the answering machine. My legs were shaking. I leaned back against the wall and slid down to the floor. He knew. But how? How could he have known everything? And so fast! He must have had someone following me, reporting on my every move. Oh, God! He sounded so angry. No explanation was going to be good enough. There would be nothing I could say to calm his fury. I thought things had already gotten as bad as they could, but there was something in his voice that made me certain tonight was going to be worse. Jesus! What if he cracked more ribs? What if he broke bones, as he'd been so close to doing so many times? Would he allow me to go to the hospital to get treated? And what if he went further and wouldn't stop himself? I was shaking. Thoughts I didn't want to have were crowding into my mind. He sounded so furious, so angry. What if he wasn't able to stop?

I pulled down the answering machine and looked at the caller information. He had called from his mobile about 15 minutes ago. I had a little time. Even if he caught a plane right after he made the call, the flight home would take a while. I had to think. Think of a way to get out of this. Think of a way to make this better.

I realized that my own mobile was still in my hand and I quickly used it to dial James' mobile. The call went directly to voice mail. He was either ignoring my calls or already on a flight home. Damn it! What was I supposed to do?

I couldn't stay here. The risk was too great. I had to try to get out. But what about the person who'd been watching me? What if they were still out there somewhere, watching? And what if they weren't going to stop with just watching if I actually tried to leave? I was terrified. With my ribs and bruises I was in no shape to evade anyone or defend myself. I had to get help.

I slowly got up and made my way to the office. I picked up the phone and dialed. It rang once, twice, three times. Oh please, please don't go to voice mail. There would be a record of this call. I couldn't back out now and I needed him!

"Hello?"

I breathed a sigh of relief at hearing Emmett's voice. "Hi Em," I said quietly.

"Jasper?" He boomed and I cringed. "Holy shit! You're actually calling? How have you been?"

"Not great, actually," I said carefully. I tried not to be too obvious.

"What's wrong?" the concern was there immediately. He had always been ultra-perceptive. I should have known better than to try to hide things from him. Besides, he'd know everything soon enough anyway.

"It's James," I choked out.

"James? Is he hurt? Do you need . . ." I winced at his words, though there was nothing unusual in his assumption that I might be concerned about my injured lover.

"No, it's not that. He's out of town, actually, but he has someone watching me."

"Wait, what?" Emmett sounded confused, and I couldn't blame him. What I was telling him was certainly bizarre.

"I ran into Seth today between classes and he told me my mom had been frantic about finding me and wanting me to call, so I used the phone Edward bought and got in touch with her. When I got home there was a message from James. Somehow he knew about Seth and the phone call and he was so angry. There was something in his voice, Emmett, and I'm just terrified of what he's going to do this time."

"This time? Wait. Has he been hurting you, Jasper? Is that why you haven't been calling?" The concern mixed with anger in his voice was so obvious I couldn't help it, I started crying.

"Son of a bitch," Emmett yelled. I cringed and cried harder.

"He doesn't mean to hurt me," I sobbed, "but he has so many rules that are so hard to remember and I do these things that make him so angry that he can't control himself, Em. I thought I could handle it, I thought I could keep everything straight and do everything right, but it's been getting worse. I've tried to be better, I really tried, but I keep messing up. And what I did today, talking to Seth and calling my mom, I knew it was against the rules but I thought since he was out of town it wouldn't hurt just this one time. I thought I could keep a secret. But then I missed the lunchtime call, which was bad enough, and when I came home there was this message. Somehow he knew. He knew everything, He must have someone following me. Emmy, I'm really scared." I was crying so much it was getting hard to breathe.

"Jasper? Jasper, Sugar, calm down. Listen to me. You have to get out of there before he comes home, OK? Just get out of the building and meet me . . ."

"He's in Los Angeles, Em. He won't be back until tonight," I sobbed. "And I'm scared to leave. This person who's watching me, I don't know if they're just supposed to watch or if they'll do more if I try to . . ."

"Are you sure James is in LA?" Em interrupted.

"Yes. He just called from his mobile a little while ago, so he can't be on a flight yet."

"OK. Stay there. I'm coming to get you. Pack your stuff and get ready. I'll be there in 15 minutes, 30 tops. And Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Just in case put something in front of the door, to keep anyone from coming in, OK? You can move it when I get there, all right?"

"All right. Emmett, I'm so sorry. . . "

"Shh. Don't say another word. I'm just glad you called. It'll be fine. Everything will be fine. I'll see you soon. Don't open that door for anyone but me."

He ended the call and I walked to the door, trying to figure out how to block it. I ended up using the back of a chair under the doorknob. With all my injuries I didn't have enough strength to bring anything heavier over and this was just a precaution anyway. I was relatively sure James would not be back before Emmett got here.

I looked around the apartment. I didn't have much to pack. I went to the bedroom and took out my duffel bag, filling it with my books and clothes, making sure I left everything that James had bought for me behind, including the watch he'd given me during that spa weekend, which I took off and placed on his nightstand. I went to the bathroom and took just my toothbrush and toothpaste. My laptop and iPod were already in my schoolbag, so I just packed the chargers and accessories. That was it. My life in a couple of bags. It was almost pathetic, except that it did make this part, leaving, so much easier. I went to the office and took out an envelope, writing James' name across the front. I would use it to leave my keys for him at the reception. I returned to the living room, sat down in one arm chairs with the duffel bag between my legs and numbly waited for Emmett.

Twenty minutes later there was a call from the lobby announcing Emmett's arrival. I instructed the guard to let him up and removed the chair blocking the door. I unlocked the door as soon as I heard his voice on the other side. He strode in, determination etched on his face.

"Coast still clear?" He asked. I nodded. "Are you ready to go?" I nodded again. Then an idea occurred to me and I turned back.

"What are you doing, Jas?" Emmett asked, following me. "Let's get you out of here."

"Let me see your mobile, Em." I asked. He looked confused, but handed his phone to me. I dialed Emmett's number and waited for his voice mail to pick up. Then I put the phone to the answering machine speaker and pressed the play button. James' voice filled the apartment again. I watched blood drain from Emmett's face as he listened, then come rushing back in a torrent of anger. When the message stopped I terminated the call and handed the phone back to Emmett.

"I just thought maybe I should save that somewhere," I said.

"Yeah," Em replied. "Jasper, how long has this been going on?" Despite the rage behind his eyes, his tone was calm, concerned.

"A while," I admitted.

"Why didn't you call sooner?"

I looked down. This was not the time to go into all of the reasons.

"Never mind," Em said. "You can tell me later. For now, I'm double parked and we need to go. Is this all of it?" He asked, pointing at my bags."

"Yes. I didn't bring all that much with me."

Em grabbed the duffel and headed for the hallway. I picked up my book bag, took one last look around the apartment and followed, at a much slower pace. Em immediately noticed.

"You're hurt," he said. "We have to get you to a hospital."

I was going to protest, but then I realized that he was right. I suspected my ribs were bruised, but it would be nice to have an official confirmation, as well as to know that no other damage has been done.

"OK," I acquiesced.

We made our way downstairs and into Emmett's Jeep. I looked around as I was buckling up and saw a man at a coffee shop across the street watching us closely as he was opening his cell phone. I couldn't be sure, but I thought this must have been the person watching me. Or one of the people watching me. Knowing James, I wouldn't have put it past him to hire more than one person, just in case. He was nothing if not thorough.

The ride to the hospital was quick but painful. Emmett's Jeep looked impressive, but it was definitely not a smooth ride. I found myself wincing and groaning with every bump and jostle, grateful when we finally pulled up to the doors of the Emergency Room. I walked in and started filling out forms while Em parked. Then we sat in the waiting area for over an hour until someone finally came out to see me. A nurse or intern or medical assistant, I really wasn't sure which, took my health history and the reason for my visit. Upon hearing the words boyfriend and hitting she asked if I needed to see a social worker. I looked at Em, who accompanied me into the exam area at my request.

"I think you should," he said, and I agreed.

X-rays revealed that I had several cracked ribs, but no other serious injuries except the contusions that would heal with time. Both the doctor and social worker told me I was very lucky. They both asked me if I wanted to call the police to file a domestic violence complaint against James. I thought about it, but decided against not to. James had too many connections and I had no proof. Besides, while I was ready to acknowledge the wrongness of what he did to me, on some level I still loved him. I couldn't subject him to a police investigation and I didn't know if I had the strength to go through the interview process. Besides, the whole thing might just enrage him further. Make him even more dangerous to me and my friends. My decision was respected, but the appropriate notations were made in my file and pictures of my injuries were attached as documentation just in case I changed my mind later. The whole experience was humiliating and I just wanted to get out of there and go home.

"Where will you be staying?" The social worker asked. I looked to Emmett. I had no idea.

"I thought he could stay with me for a while," Em said.

"Does Jasper's boyfriend know you?" she asked. Em nodded.

"And does he know where you live?" Em nodded again.

"And does he know you helped Jasper leave?" Another nod.

"Then I suggest your apartment is the last place you should go. He may try to come after Jasper and your apartment would be the first logical place for him to look. You don't need that kind of trouble. Is there anywhere else?"

Em considered the question.

"I should be able to line up a great place for Jas to stay in a couple of days. And in the meantime I have an idea. It'll be all right just for the short term."

The social worker gave me some pamphlets with information about domestic violence and resources available to help survivors, along with a couple of hotline numbers, and we were free to go.

The ride from the hospital was filled with more painful jostling. I closed my eyes and tried to think of something pleasant to distract me. Unfortunately, nothing came to mind, so instead I just focused on the pain, unwilling to entertain all the other dark thoughts that were crowding my brain.

Soon enough, we came to a stop. I opened my eyes and saw we were in front of our apartment building. Emmett came to the passenger side of the Jeep and opened the door, lifting me out of the seat and into his arms.

"Em, I don't want to be carried," I complained. "I'm capable of walking."

The truth was that I was drained and tired and everything hurt, and while I was capable of walking, the prospect didn't sound appealing. Still, I hated feeling like a helpless infant in Emmett's arms.

"Humor me, Jasper. This is faster, less painful for you and won't get you completely exhausted." he shut the Jeep door and walked with me into the building and up the stairs, not bothering with the elevator.

"I thought you weren't going to have me stay at your place," I said weakly.

"I'm not," he replied.

"But. . ." before I could say more we were standing in front of a familiar door and the realization of what he was doing hit me.

"Em, no," I protested, trying to wriggle out of his arms as he knocked on the door.

"Hold still," Emmett said. "I don't like this any more than you do, but for now it's our only option. I'll find another place soon, I promise," he knocked again. We both heard someone walking up to the door on the other side before it swung open. I pressed my face into Emmett's chest.

"What the fuck do you want, Emmett?" Edward growled, "Did you finally find a little fairy to take as your bride? You're at the wrong threshold. Your apartment's down the hall."

"Cut the crap, Cullen. We need your help. And the fact that I'm asking you should tell you how serious this is."

For a moment there was silence, then I heard "Jasper? What the fuck happened?"

Edward must have stepped aside because Emmett walked straight into the apartment with me and carried me into my old bedroom, where he placed me carefully on the stripped mattress. He smoothed my hair away from my forehead and leaned down to place a soft kiss on my cheek before getting up to face Edward, who had followed us into the room.

"Jasper needs a place to stay for a couple of days and my apartment may not be safe. Either Seth or I will be here with him at all times until we find somewhere else to take him, so you won't be put out in any way. Can you handle that?"

"May not be safe?" Edward said, confused. "What are you talking about? And why do you and Seth need to be with him?"

Emmett looked at me for permission to tell Edward. I nodded. It's not like it was possible to lose his good opinion of me at this point. So what if he thought I was a weak, spineless fairy who let himself get beat up?

"He's injured," Emmett said. "Pretty badly. James," he hesitated. "His boyfriend," he clarified, "has been abusing him."

"What?" Edward roared. I whimpered and tried to curl up into a ball, then cried out in pain as my bruises and cracked ribs let me know in no uncertain terms that my body was not going to cooperate. I started to cry again.

"Fuck!" Emmett was at my side, his large hand touching my face soothingly.

"It's OK, Jas. You're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you. You're safe. Shhh."

It took a few moments, but eventually I stopped crying. Em wiped the last of my tears with his thumb.

"I'm just going to go into the other room to talk to Edward, all right? I'll be right back."

I grabbed his hand and clutched at it, hating how it made me look weak yet not willing to let it go. It wasn't safe to let Edward and Emmett go off alone. Edward's temper had always been volatile and, despite his soothing tone to me, I could see Emmett's barely restrained fury roiling beneath his calm exterior. He wouldn't need much of an excuse to unleash that anger on the nearest recipient, but Edward was not the right person to be on the receiving end. I knew that the only way to keep them from each other's throats was to make them stay in the room with me.

"Stay," I pleaded. "Please stay with me."

"All right, Jas. I'll stay. I'll be right here," Emmett said in a soothing voice. "Can you be calm?" He asked Edward with decidedly more hostility.

"What's wrong with him?" Edward's whisper caused my eyes to shift to him. He looked confused and scared.

"He's pretty bruised up and he has some cracked ribs. Plus he's pretty traumatized. Yelling doesn't help."

I closed my eyes at hearing Em list my injuries. They really weren't that bad. Maybe I'd been too hasty in calling Emmett? Maybe I should have given James a little more time? Did I overreact to that message? Maybe he wouldn't have been so bad this time. If I only explained . . .

"Why isn't your apartment safe?" Edward asked, his tone icy. I opened my eyes again. The more familiar anger now replaced the confusion and fear I saw earlier.

"James will know I helped Jasper leave and he knows where I live. If he decides to come after Jas, I can protect him while I'm there, but I can't be there 24-7. The social worker we saw at the hospital suggested that he stay at a location James doesn't know about, and I don't think he knows about you," Em looked to me in question and I shook my head, confirming his statement. "It's only for a couple of days until I can move him to another safe place."

"No," Edward's response was unequivocal. I closed my eyes again, the rejection stinging as much as any hit I ever received from James.

"Oh, come on, Cullen. I know for a fact that Jasper's portion of the rent is paid up, so he has every right to be here. I told you, Seth and I will take care of him. You won't even know we're here. And don't worry, a couple of days in the same apartment with us won't turn you queer. Trust me, neither Seth nor I are gonna try to recruit you," Emmett's voice was laced with derision.

"That's not what I meant," Edward said calmly. "You don't need to find another place and you and Seth don't need to help. Jasper will stay here and I will take care of him."

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Emmett said.

"Why the fuck not?" Edward snarled and I whimpered.

"That. That is precisely why not! Your fucking temper, Cullen. Jasper's been through enough. The last thing he needs is you yelling and shouting and cursing and upsetting him."

A look of embarrassment crossed Edward's face. I knew he probably hated to be chastised, but he also saw Em was right.

"I won't. I can stop," he said. "Starting right now."

Emmett looked at him skeptically.

"Look, McCarty, he's my best friend," Edward added quietly. My heart constricted. I never thought I'd hear him describe me using those words again.

"He's your gay ex-friend," Em reminded him.

Edward shook his head. "It doesn't matter," he said.

"It mattered when he came out three months ago," Emmett pressed.

"It doesn't matter now," Edward insisted, "Not anymore."

Emmett considered this silently for a while, then looked at me in question. I glanced at Edward. He was focused on me, imploring me with his eyes to back him up, to believe him, to agree to stay here. I knew he was telling the truth. I didn't know why, but he had obviously changed his mind. The fact that I was gay was no longer an issue.

"It's alright, Em," I said quietly. "You don't have to look for another place. I'll stay here."

Emmett looked at me for a long time, clearly unsure if he should take me at my word or insist on moving me to another location. Finally he made his decision.

"Fine," He grumbled, "But Seth and I are going to be here with him. At least for a while," the unspoken 'at least until we're sure you can be civil' hung in the air between them. Edward said nothing, silently agreeing to Emmett's demand.

"Look, Edward, he should have something to eat. Do you have anything here or should I call for take-out?" Emmett was all business again.

"I have food," Edward answered dully and left for the kitchen. Em sat beside me on the bed.

"Are you sure, Jas? I can find another place. We have friends with a house nearby with an empty guest room. I just need to talk to them. . . "

"It's OK, Emmy," I reassured him, "I know him. He meant it. The gay thing doesn't matter now. And he won't hurt me. Plus, I think he needs this."

"Oh, fuck that! Like I give a shit what he needs. As far as I'm concerned that's the best reason I've heard to take you out of here. You need to worry about you, not about him."

I stared down at my lap. How could I explain to him that I had never been able to just worry about me? That worrying about Edward was better than worrying about James? He'd be arriving home from the airport soon and I wouldn't be in the apartment to meet him. What would he do? How would he handle it? Would he come looking for me? What about dinner? He was supposed to be in LA tonight, so Monica hadn't cooked anything. What would he eat?

"I hope you're OK with meatloaf," Edward said, returning to the room with a couple of compartmentalized microwaveable plates.

Emmett helped me sit up against the headboard. Edward handed one plate to Emmett and held onto the second.

"This is for you," he said. "I'll help Jasper."

Em looked reluctant, but after he and Edward exchanged a look he relented, sliding down to sit at the foot of the bed, making room for Edward beside me. Edward piled a fork with some meatloaf, mashed potatoes and vegetables, blew on it to cool the food, then brought the fork to my lips. I raised my hand and took the fork from him, reaching my other hand for the plate.

"I'm not an invalid, Edward. I can feed myself. But I want you to eat too." I looked at him carefully. He was gaunt again. He looked like he did when I first came back in the fall. It was clear that without me here watching out for him, he hadn't been eating.

"I'm not hungry," he mumbled.

"Me neither," I said, setting the plate on the mattress and returning the forkful of food to the plate.

"Jas," Emmett clearly wasn't happy with me.

"Really, Em. I had a big lunch. I'm just not that hungry."

Edward looked at me. He knew we were playing a game of chicken. He sighed.

"Will you eat if I eat?" he asked.

"Well, I'll be more likely to eat if you're not just watching me," I answered noncommittally.

Edward left the room again.

"Jas, what are you doing?" Em asked.

"He's too thin, Emmy. He hasn't been eating."

"Who the fuck cares. . ."

"I care. All right? I care." I said emphatically. And I did care. Edward and I were best friends again and as his best friend it was my job to care. "We'll both have dinner tonight and it will be fine. You'll see."

Edward returned with his own serving of meatloaf and we all resumed eating in silence. After we were done Edward set our plates aside on the nightstand. Still without saying anything, he reached his hands to the hem of my Henley, asking silent permission with his eyes and receiving an equally silent response. He lifted the shirt and his breath caught when he saw the bruises. His fingers reached out and barely touched the buckle shaped bruise.

"More of the same on your back?" It wasn't so much a question as a statement, but I nodded anyway.

"How did this happen, Jas?" he asked. "How did it get this bad. Why didn't you ask for help sooner?"

I looked down, not able to meet either of their eyes. How could I possibly explain when I didn't understand it myself?

"It wasn't so bad at first," I said quietly. "And he couldn't help it. I would just make him so angry . . ."

"Jasper," Emmett said, "Nothing you could have done justifies what he did. Hitting someone you love out of anger . . . that's just sick."

""I'm going to kill him," Edward whispered, and he sounded so deadly serious I had to look up at him.

"No," I shook my head vehemently. "No, please, just let it be." I didn't want a physical confrontation between Edward and James. I knew James was too strong and he could easily hurt Edward, especially with Edward in the shape he was in right now. "I don't want this to go on. I just want him out of my life. If you fight him and hurt him he might press charges. . . "

"After what that motherfucker did to you, you think he'd have the balls to press charges?"

"He would, Edward. And he has connections. Powerful connections. Right now it's my word against his as far as what he did to me. If you go and beat him he'll just say someone else did this to me. Maybe even you."

"He's right," Emmett said sadly. "There are no witnesses."

Edward looked from me to Emmett, frustration oozing out of his every pore.

"You're fucking kidding me, right? You wanna let him get away with this?" His voice rose, I cringed, and Emmett stood up, suddenly menacing.

"I thought you were going to be calm," he growled.

Edward looked at me, saw my fear and calmed instantly.

"OK, it's Jasper's call," he said to no one in particular. Then he looked straight at me. "If you want me to leave him alone . . ."

"I do," I said quickly, "please!"

There was a knock at the door and we all tensed up and looked over. Edward and Emmett walked out to the living room together. I held my breath, listening. I heard some voices, but they were too quiet for me to hear or know who was speaking. Then the door to the apartment opened and closed. A few moments later Seth was in the room, heading directly towards me.

"Overdoing a workout my ass. I knew something was wrong. I just knew it!" he sat on the bed beside me. "Let me see," he demanded.

"Seth," Emmett said from the door, "Leave him alone."

Seth didn't look back at him. He was staring straight at me, his demand clear. I sighed.

"It's OK, Em. You've all seen it. Why should Seth be left out?" I pulled up my shirt and Seth gasped. He leaned forward to look over my shoulder at my back and gasped again.

"Oh, Honey," he said sympathetically and I cringed.

"What?" Seth asked. "What did I do?"

"James calls me that," I explained. I didn't say anything else and didn't have to. Seth looked to Emmett, panicked.

"Sugar," Em said, knowing the problem before Seth even had to say anything.

"Oh, Sugar," Seth repeated and leaned towards me, hugging me lightly so that I wouldn't even feel it against my injuries. "He's a fucking monster. But don't worry, when I'm done with him every boy in Seattle will know to stay away. He'll never do this to anyone in our community again."

I smiled a small smile. I hadn't thought of Seth's brand of revenge. That would certainly be satisfying on some level, though I knew James didn't really associate himself with the Seattle gay community. Still, I appreciated Seth's offer.

"Thank you, Seth. It would be good to warn others." Maybe this would slow him down or stop him from doing to someone else what he did to me.

"I have to go to my evening lecture," Emmett said. "Will you guys be okay here with Edward?"

Em was blocking the doorway, so I couldn't see Edward, but I heard his hiss in the background.

"We'll be fine, Em. Take your time. I really don't think James would do anything tonight and, besides, he doesn't know where I am. We'll be safer here than anywhere else." I said.

"All right. Text if you need me. I'll be back as soon as class is done."

"It's fine, Emmy," Seth assured him. "We'll just get Jasper settled in. Come on," he said to me, "Your bedding was still at our place so I brought it over. Let's get the bed made so you can be more comfortable."

Emmett left and Edward took his place in the doorway, carrying the bag with my sheets, comforter and pillows. "I'll help," he offered.

"Sure," Seth said, not exactly hostile, but not warm either. "Get up for a sec, OK, Sugar?"

I stood up and watched Edward and Seth work together to dress the bed. The scene felt more than a little surreal. They were nearly done when there was a knock at the door. We all looked at each other and frowned.

"Are you expecting anyone?" Seth asked Edward. Edward shook his head.

"Maybe Emmett forgot something?" I offered, though this didn't seem likely. We walked out into the living room and watched Edward approach the door.

"Who is it?" he asked cautiously.

"Hi, I'm hoping you could help me. I'm looking for Jasper Whitlock. I understand he's staying with you? This is his boyfriend, James."

My eyes opened wide in shock. How had he found me so fast? I should have known better than to think I could get away. I watched Edward tense up.

"Jasper has nothing to say to you. Go away." He said through the door.

"Please, I don't want any trouble. I just need to see him, talk to him. We had a misunderstanding and I need to apologize."

"I said Jasper doesn't want to talk to you. Now get the hell out of here." Edward's tone was decidedly more hostile. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Seth take out his phone and send a text.

"Jasper, Honey, are you in there?" James continued speaking, undeterred, "Please, Jasper, I'm sorry. I know I overreacted. I need you so much. Please, please don't do this to me. Please talk to me. Let me apologize. Let me make it up to you. Please give me a second chance. You can't leave me like this. I love you!"

He sounded so sincere and in so much pain. My heart was breaking for him. Did I make a mistake leaving him? Or was my leaving what it finally took to make him realize how much he loved me? Was it possible for us to start over again? Didn't I owe it to him to at least have a final conversation with him? A final goodbye? Seth and Edward were here. He wouldn't do anything to me with them here.

"Honey, I know I was wrong. I'll change, I swear. I know what I have to do. I'll be everything that you need, just please talk to me and come back home."

I took a few steps closer to the door. Edward and Seth both looked at me in horror. Seth reached out to place a restraining hand on my arm.

"Please, Jasper, I love you. I can't live without you."

My head told me to ignore the pleas. Told me this was a trick. My heart ignored my head. I couldn't just leave him out there, pleading in the hallway.

"Open the door, Edward," I requested.

"What?" Edward said incredulously. "Fuck no! You don't know what you're saying. There's no way I'm letting that psycho in here."

I pulled myself up to my full height.

"Edward, you can't keep me here against my will, so you can either let him in here and let us talk with you and Seth in the room or I will go out there and go with him."

Edward and Seth gasped collectively.

"No, Jasper!" Seth exclaimed. "You can't mean that. You can't do that!"

I shook his hand off my arm and took another step towards the door.

"Edward, either let him in or let me out."